This is really fucking stupid and the headline tells you most of what you need to know:
Yes, this is actually happening. And if you read the story you’ll see it’s even worse than you might already think:
To say Stott is something of a Simpsons fan is a bit of an understatement – he reckons he’s spent over $150,000 on merchandise from the show including a donut maker and life-sized models of the characters.
[…]
A spokesman for the show’s producer, Fox, said: "Nearly a week without sleep watching TV – Homer would be proud of him."
To address the last part first, I’m actually quite certain that Homer wouldn’t be proud of him. Homer is lazy and loves sleep, staying up for a week takes a lot of effort and means no sleep. Eat it, nameless FOX spokesman.
Secondly, spending shitloads of money on merchandise in no way shape or form enhances someone’s Simpsons fandom. If anything it detracts from it. If you want to be the biggest fan of Band X you have to own all the albums, and all the live recordings, and a slew of t-shirts and ticket stubs, and even that rare single that was only released in Micronesia. If you want to be the biggest fan of Celebrity Y you need to gossip about them on-line, follow their romantic foibles, and watch their movies/teevee shows/whatever else. If you want to be the biggest fan of Sports Team Z you’ve got to wear a lot of licensed apparel, get season tickets, and buy crap with the team logo on it.
But one of the great attractions of being a Simpsons fan is that you don’t need to do any of that. The show itself made explicitly anti-merchandise jokes numerous times. Which is not to say that you’re a bad fan if you have some Simpsons crap, only that the show makes fun of people who buy a lot of crap. Bart certainly hasn’t been done any good by all his Krusty merchandise, Smithers is hardly someone you’d want to emulate in “Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy”, etcetera.
People from that Guinness Book of Records crowd will be there to make sure he stays focused on the television at all times, though he apparently gets a twenty minute break after every three episodes. Also there will be paramedics standing by. Pshaw, I say. I have my own Simpsons marathons I like to do. (And with football season ending soon I’m sure I’ll find an appropriately empty Saturday some time in the near future.) I watch a whole season end to end whilst downing one beer per episode. That is an endurance test that Homer would appreciate.
Dead Homer Society 
7 responses to “Idiot to Attempt Suicide by Zombie Simpsons”
I don’t think the article really needed to specify that the guy was a bachelor! What a sad, sad man.
“It is the playoffs. It’s five below, and there’s one loyal fan wearing nothing but a G-string, and the team colors painted on his body!”
“He doesn’t look too happy!”
“Heh heh. Well, maybe the paint has shut off his pores, and he’s slowly suffocating. Still, THAT is a REAL fan.”
“With the bridge gone and the airport unfortunately on the other side of the bridge, a number of citizens are attempting to jump the gorge with their cars. It’s a silent testament to the never-give-up and never-think-things-out spirit of our citizens.” – Arnie Pie
He’s going to start hallucinating around s13, isn’t he? Assuming he’s watching them in chronological order.
I’ve mentioned this before, but when we were getting ready to start this site I watched the first eight episodes of Season 20 in a row. It was horrible, I tell you. By the end I was so bored I thought I was a humming bird of some kind.
If he’s going in chronological order, by the time he gets to those, he’ll be beyond hummingbird. But then again, it might be an improvement.
“I like the part where the TV became a six-dimensional vortex and I moved outside of time!” *drools*
Rather than a hummingbird, perhaps he’ll end up believing he’s the Angel of Death.