“In fact, every copy of Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery” has been checked out from the Springfield Public Library. Of course the book does not contain any hints on how to win the lottery, it is rather a chilling tale of conformity gone mad.” – Kent Brockman We have an entire week to pick apart this pedestrian and lifeless Zombie Simpsons outing. There are plenty of recycled jokes, gaping plot contradictions, and labored set pieces with which to play. (When winning the lottery is the most relatable thing that happens there is little hope for anything but fail.) For right now…
Month: January 2010
Sunday Preview: Million Dollar Maybe
Dave usually writes these Sunday Preview posts but he’s on vacation. He did stop having fun long enough to e-mail in this much improved official preview image. Simpsons Channel wrote it up and as usual there’s nothing to suggest that this will be anything but a complete waste of thirty minutes of your irreplaceable time. I’m stupid, stubborn and honor bound by the Code of Internet Snark to watch it; you are not. Here are some suggestions for better uses of your time: Masturbation Knitting Watching anything else
Quote of the Day
“The circumference of the well is thirty-four inches, so unfortunately not one member of our city’s police force is slender enough to rescue the boy.” – Kent Brockman “By god men, you’re a bunch of marshmallows!” – Chief Wiggum “Why don’t you go chief?” – Cop “Well I’m too . . . important.” – Chief Wiggum
Quote of the Day
“Milhouse, baby! Lionel Hutz your new agent, body guard, unauthorized biographer and drug dealerrr . . . keeper-awayer.” – Lionel Hutz
Reading Digest: Fan Made Edition
“But you can use me, I’m good! I built a lot of things around the house, the spice rack . . . the birdfeeder . . . the gymboree . . . what was that? Ah, who cares.” – Homer Simpson We’ve got lots of fan made Simpsons stuff this week, from YouTube videos, to Lego statues, to unsourced artwork. There’s also a political divide I feel no hesitation to take sides on, some excellent Zombie Simpsons hate, Aurora Indianalis, a clever New Zealand marketing ploy, and plenty of usage of all varieties. Enjoy. Whoops! Why Everyone Owes Everyone and…
Quote of the Day
“I think I wet my bed.” – Ralph Wiggum
Zombie Simpsons Commercial to Air During Super Bowl (Updated)
“The bubbles are burning my tongue!” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson It’s late January and that means that it’s time for the annual torrent of news about Super Bowl commercials. How much do they cost? How clever are they? Will the NFL franchise that drafts Tim Tebow wish he had been aborted? Well, Coke is going to have an ad that sounds like the plot of a Zombie Simpsons episode: In one commercial starring characters from The Simpsons, Mr. Burns has lost his millions and only looks at the bright side of life after convenience store clerk Apu gives him a…
Quote of the Day
“To save this family we’re going to have the make the supreme sacrifice.” – Homer Simpson “No Dad, please don’t pawn the TV!” – Lisa Simpson “Aw come on Dad, anything but that.” – Bart Simpson “Homer, couldn’t we pawn my engagement ring instead?” – Marge Simpson “Now I appreciate that honey, but, we need $150 dollars here!” – Homer Simpson Happy 20th anniversary to “There’s No Disgrace Like Home”!
Bonus Quote of the Day
"Moe, I’m a little low on funds. Do you think you could cover me just this once?" – Homer Simpson "No. Sorry." – Moe "Why not? I think after all these years I deserve an explanation." – Homer Simpson "I don’t think you’re ever gonna get another job and be able to pay me back." – Moe "Oh." – Homer Simpson "Don’t worry, we’re still friends." – Moe Happy (one week belated) 20th anniversary to “Homer’s Odyssey”!
Simpsons Alumni Update: Brad Bird
Of all the people who worked on The Simpsons perhaps none have found greater post-show success than Brad Bird. The man truly has the golden touch in that there isn’t anything embarrassing lurking on his IMDB page. He worked on The Critic, left The Simpsons in Season 9, and of the three movies he’s written/directed since then only 1999’s The Iron Giant isn’t on the IMDB Top 250. (Though it has a rating of 7.9 which is the same as the last twenty movies on the list.) Oh and he’s a perfect 2/2 on Oscar nominations/victories. This man has as…
Quote of the Day
“And who could forget dear ‘Ratboy?’” – Homer Simpson “‘Ratboy?’ I resent that.” – Bart Simpson “Bart! I told you before, stop gnawing on the drywall.” – Marge Simpson
Marketing Horrorshow Coming Soon to a Vagina Near You!
“I want you to hear what Malibu Stacy is telling a generation of little girls.” – Lisa Simpson “Thinking too much gives you wrinkles.” – Malibu Stacy Doll Are you female? Do you like being marketed to by condescending idiots? If you answered “Yes” to the first question then the people behind Simpsons merchandise couldn’t care less about your answer to the second. Behold the unironically stereotypical marketing push known as “Ladies of Springfield”. Fisking time! 20 years on and The Simpsons is still going strong. We take a look at the Ladies of Springfield licensing drive. It may be…
Quote of the Day
“More cream corn, Jimbo Junior?” – Bart Simpson “This cream corn tastes like cream crap.” – Jimbo Junior “Watch the potty mouth honey.” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I said ‘Step pause turn pause pivot step step,’ not “Step pause turn pause pivot step pause!’ Oh, shudder!” – Choreographer
DHS Editorial: The Future of Conan O’Brien
“They’re so sweet when you marry them, but soon it’s just career, career, career.” – Ruth Powers The National Broadcasting Company has, with characteristic heavy handedness, managed to finally resolve its surfeit of late night comedians. The outcome that was being speculated about from the time of the announcement of Jay Leno’s 10pm show has come to pass. The immediate results of the recent brouhaha are fairly clear. NBC has embarrassed itself on a scale hitherto unprecedented in the annals of American broadcasting. In the process it managed to make a modern day folk hero out of a man to…
Quote of the Day
“Perfectly level flying is the supreme challenge of the scale-model pilot.” – Milhouse Van Houten
Quote of the Day
"Now there’s a Machiavellian countenance… ooh, a sextet of ale." – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: Unauthorized Reproduction Edition
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user bsdfm. “A counterfeit jeans ring operating out of my car hole!” – Homer Simpson There were a lot more boring 20th anniversary links this week. Here is a general paraphrase that sums up what I’m not bothering to link to this week: The Simpsons has been on for 20 years. I feel old. Kids these days. Hope they keep at it. Aren’t all of our lives better without going through more of that? If you want to add a little variety you can sprinkle in the occasional mention of Tracy Ullman…
Idiocy Confirmed
“I can’t stand this any longer, somebody please pay attention to me!” – Bart Simpson Glyn Stott, he of the idiotic plan to watch all of The Simpsons and Zombie Simpsons in a row, was interviewed by a radio show in Britain. After listening to it any reservations I had about criticizing this guy evaporated. There are two important parts. The first is the hilarity at the 3:00 minute mark when Generic UK DJ Guy asks him about “Cape Feare” and neither of them can remember the title of the Robert de Niro movie (which was itself a remake). I…
Quote of the Day
“Another day, another box of stolen pens.” – Homer Simpson