“Sorry.” – Screamatorium Carny

I understand the desire for there to be funny and watchable episodes of Zombie Simpsons.  Hell, I share it.  If they ever made a good episode again you could get out the crayolas and color me tickled pink.  But that will never happen.  The show is too far gone to regain even a spark of what once made it great, and the proof of that is on display in every episode of Zombie Simpsons.

And I mean every episode, as in all ten on this Uproxx list of “10 Episodes From the Past Five Years That Are Totally Worth Watching” @dailysimpsons tweeted earlier today.  This is readily apparent just by reading the article, where phrases like, “with Moe, for some reason”, “Umm..okay”, “wacky adventure with a farting toy train”, and “it’s a bit gruesome to watch” dot every entry.  But for a fuller rebuttal, let’s just go to the tape.

10.  “A Totally Fun Thing Bart Will Never Do Again” – This was the love note to the completely unlovable cruise industry.  Also, Bart’s feelings, which Uproxx mentions several times, were as stupid and ham handed as possible.

9.  “Donnie Fatso” – This is the one with the completely lifeless FBI agent and Homer being a suave undercover cop.  It’s boring as hell.

8.  “The Bob Next Door” – This one is from so long ago that there isn’t even a Compare & Contrast for it, but there was a nonsensical plot, lazy gags and pointless exposition.

7.  “The Food Wife” – The best compliment Uproxx can come up with is that there was a Tim & Eric song on this, which they call one of the best Simpsons songs in years.  When someone else’s work is the high point of your scripted show, it’s not a good sign.  This one also highlighted how much the family now lives like rich TV writers who can’t be bothered to think up non-pun brand parodies.

6.  “500 Keys” – This was a “Trilogy of Error” clone that managed to step on the few jokes it made.

5. “Homer The Father” – This is what I mean when I say that the premise of this post is constantly undermined by just how crappy these episodes are:

At a point in this show’s history where it tends to rely on weirder and weirder plots just to keep from getting bored with itself, this one features a simple storyline about Homer trying to be a better father (by following the advice of a cheesy 80s sitcom, of course)

That is very weak praise, indeed.  And let’s not forget that they whiffed completely on making fun of the eminently mockable 80s sitcoms.

4. – “The Saga Of Carl” – The Simpsons are going to Iceland, where they will kill time with chase scenes and musical montages.

3. – “Holidays Of Future Passed” – Another future episode that’s limp and lifeless next to “Lisa’s Wedding”.  They like this so much they’ve done it a couple more times since.

2. – “The Book Job” – A bland stab at parody with no villain ranks #2 on this list.  That’s about all you really need to know.

1.  “Brick Like Me” – Ah, the much touted merchandising tie in episode that both they and I think is the best they can do.  Sadly, that still means having characters constantly tell us what they’re doing and how they feel, which is even worse than usual because they spent two years on it and still managed to have a nearly jokeless script that would get laughed out of the remedial classes at Hollywood Upstairs Screenwriting College.

And that’s the problem with trying to find some good in Zombie Simpsons, there just isn’t anything the least bit memorable or creative about any of them.  These episodes are all from just the last five years, but with the possible exception of the Lego one, will any of these be fondly remembered five years from now?  Seems unlikely.  And even the Lego episode is only notable for the novel animation, not for quotes, jokes, parodies or any of the other things that make episodes from twenty years ago endlessly rewatchable.

Zombie Simpsons has been in a comfortable and generally dull rut for a lot more than five years, and in all that time hasn’t shown even a spark of breaking out.  Assuming the show continues its undead shuffle across network teevee for another five years, someone at Uproxx could write this exact same post, massive caveats and all, in 2019 and nobody would notice.