“Hello and welcome to the Springfield Police Department Rescue Phone. If you know the name of the felony being committed, press one. To choose from a list of felonies, press two. If you are being murdered or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line. [random number tones] You have selected regicide. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press one.” – Springfield Rescue Phone
An ongoing ramble by Charlie Sweatpants . .