Oh the rancid joys of Zombie Simpsons on DVD.  There are so many episodes in this season I genuinely hate that it was hard to know where to start, so I began with my own personal Season 12 nemesis, “Simpson Safari”.  To call this episode bad is an understatement; to call it a mess doesn’t even begin to describe it.  It is a random collection of boring set pieces that instantly plummets to the deepest possible nadir of boredom.  It is Zombie Simpsons.

Holding my nose and trying to contain my disgust, I listened to the commentary.  Here are some choice observations.

1:38: They re-used the couch gag (originally from “Lisa’s First Word”) where the living room turns into a circus show.  In talking about this they mention that using this one allows them to burn 10-15 seconds.  Then, without a trace of self awareness, they mention that they now frequently use even longer ones for exactly that reason.

2:20: Mindless laughter at gags that are pretty bad.  This is not the first time this will happen and it makes the near silence and forced conversation during much of the end all the more damning.

2:33: Discussing the fact that Lisa is now almost exclusively a scold, they seem to think it’s an improvement.  I’d call it the death of her character.  (Also, more mindless laughter.)

3:15: Trying vainly to remember the genesis of the “bag boy strike” ploy they incorrectly attribute it to the LA grocery strike of 2003.  This episode was broadcast in 2001.

7:30: They discuss the fact that this episode is, to say the least, all over the place.  This being a DVD commentary no one takes the next step and points out that this is indicative of shitty storytelling.  So I tied an onion to my belt . . .

10:20:  Here they discuss how cute it is to be able to put the family in different outfits.  Outfits!  Six year old girls playing with dolls would find this intellectually interesting; ten year olds have probably outgrown it.  Somewhere in between is the level we’re on here.

11:15:  Direct quote: “Let’s not pretend the plot matters.”  No, why ever would we do that?

12:40:  Defending the wackiness somebody says one of the (many) nonsense bits are, “to anger people who care about things being real”.  Things being real?  No, we don’t care about that so much.  A trace of continuity within the episode?  Yeah, call us crazy, but we do care about that.

13:10:  They’re aware of how disorienting it is to go back and forth between complete wackiness and realistic danger, they just don’t care.  This is almost the dictionary definition of phoning it in: yeah we know we didn’t do a good job, but we don’t give a shit.

14:25:  Noticing that the shield the family is floating on now has rowboat slats (for some reason), they laugh.  The apathy of the commentators towards something they claim to love is remarkable.

21:10: As the diamond lady is losing it all they say is, “That’s a nice shot.”, “That’s a great shot.”, and “Is it hard to make them sparkle like that?”  I hate this scene, it’s haunted me ever since I saw it, and they’re preoccupied with how fucking shiny it is.  Nothing more needs to be said.