“Set sail for the Frying Dutchman!” – Captain McAllister
“Aye-aye, captain!” – Homer Simpson

In our continuing mission to bring you only the finest in low class, low brow, and low tech internet Simpsons commentary we’re bringing back our “Crazy Noises” series and applying it to Season 21.  Because doing a podcast smacks of effort we’re still using this “chatroom” thing that all the middle schoolers and undercover cops seem to think is so cool.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on  “camouflaged”).

The above quote and image have almost nothing to do with the discussion below.  I just wanted to put it next to this:

And, of course, I could’ve also put it next to Gulp-n-Blow, the Buzzing Sign Diner, the Who’s To Know Motel, or any of the other funny and clever establishment names the The Simpsons came up with when it was still on the air.  The low give-a-shit level is one of the few constants of Zombie Simpsons, and it shines through in every single episode.

Mad Jon: Let’s do this so I can kill the taste with beer and Halo.

Charlie Sweatpants: Can I point something horrible out?

Mad Jon: You sure can

Charlie Sweatpants: "I’m the real Walt Warren", was I the only one who got a massive flashback to perhaps the most famous Zombie Simpsons moment ever, the Armin Tamzarian reveal?

Mad Jon: Every moment of that episode was a direct ripoff of another episode.

It wasn’t even camouflaged

Charlie Sweatpants: Of all the horrible plot twists and stupidities you’d think they’d never bring back . . .

Dave: I’ve long since repressed Armin Tamzarian, but I see your point

Charlie Sweatpants: Half of this episode was recycled.

Mad Jon: I would say more than that.

Charlie Sweatpants: That was just the one part that was recycled from a shitty episode.

Dave: Recycled, repurposed, and incredibly dull.

Mad Jon: Everything from the Flanders family to the five corners to the feet revelation and everything in between was already done.

  AND

Mad Jon: They had the gall to mention the writer’s creativity.

Charlie Sweatpants: When did they do that?

Mad Jon: There was a joke that made reference to crushing creativity that made me choke, but I think I have blocked out the actual quote…

Charlie Sweatpants: I’ll take your word for it, verifying it would mean watching this again and that would retard my efforts to forget it completely.

Mad Jon: You’re better off not trying to figure it out.

Charlie Sweatpants: I agree completely. I’m also not going to try to figure out how they thought the face coming off thing was funny twice.

Mad Jon: The only thing that made me crack a smile other than the occasional thought of suicide was the joke in the beginning about another family moving to Detroit.

And when did Ruth Powers move?

Charlie Sweatpants: Enh.

  Got me, but since when would that matter anyway?

Mad Jon: I guess it doesn’t.

Charlie Sweatpants: Dave, did you laugh at anything?

Mad Jon: But my point remains as valid as any other point I would make about this or any Zombiesode.

Dave: Nah…

Charlie Sweatpants: Good man.

Mad Jon: I also didn’t say that I laughed. Only that I cracked a smile.

It wasn’t that funny, just less painful.

Charlie Sweatpants: Fair enough.

Dave: I did squirm a bit.

Charlie Sweatpants: Or, should I say, "cheerfully withdrawn"?

  Nah.

Mad Jon: I don’t understand how Bob had figured out he could kill Bart at the 5 corners and escape justice. I think he tried to explain it, but my public school education may not have covered interstate murder laws…

Charlie Sweatpants: But he explained it twice, then he acted it out when getting arrested.

Mad Jon: Hmmm…

Charlie Sweatpants: It didn’t make any sense and wasn’t suspenseful, but they played it straight and acted like it was.

  Then he gets arrested and they walk across all the lines.

Mad Jon: Ah, closure.

Dave: And then it goes on for a few minutes.

Charlie Sweatpants: You can’t have it both ways, you’ve got to pick one.

You can be zany, you can be straight, but you can’t be both, and especially not in the same scene.

Dave: And then Bob’s back in prison and Bart’s free until next season.

Mad Jon: Also, was anyone grossed out by all the face surgery and removal?

Dave: Yes Jon. That’s when I squirmed.

  Even animated it was kind of gross.

Mad Jon: It was pretty bad.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, lip-less teeth always look kinda freaky, but what gets me more is that they thought it would be funny several times.

You want to do something for shock value? Fine. It’s not really the "Simpsons" way, but fine. But you can’t do shock value on the same thing four times.

By the time "Walt" got his thread pulled, I mean, why even bother?

  At that point aren’t you better off with a head fake? Having it really be a loose thread on his collar?

Mad Jon: I don’t think "reason" made it to the white board during the initial brain storm session.

Charlie Sweatpants: I ought to be numb to it by now, but the complete lack of creativity still surprises me.

Mad Jon: This was even more completely lacking though, EVERY single thing done in this episode was a repeat or at the very least repeatish.

This could have been done by a computer that was turned on by a monkey missing one paw.

Charlie Sweatpants: But what if he has to reboot? Can he hit Ctrl-Alt-Del with only the one paw?

Mad Jon: He has a tail you know. He is just lazy and doesn’t want it to come to that.

Charlie Sweatpants: Any other low points we ought to discuss?

Mad Jon: The opening couch scene, did homer really have to ask Harold to draw the beer? You think that would have been automatic.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, it did take forever, so at least it was consistent.

Mad Jon: True that.

Dave: Yep. I was just going to say it was a time suck.

Charlie Sweatpants: Everything in this episode was a time suck, even the recycled stuff.

  The Gilbert & Sullivan with Bart & Milhouse went on forever.

Mad Jon: As did the taco translation scene.

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh man, was that ever a reach.

It was like "Who’s On First" except that the word only had one meaning.

Mad Jon: Excellent analogy.

Dave: So million dollar question

Mad Jon: oh god what.

Charlie Sweatpants: Cash or check?

Dave: When we see Bob next season, will he have his face or Walt’s?

Charlie Sweatpants: That ain’t worth $3.50. Of course not.

Mad Jon: Three fiddy

Charlie Sweatpants: True.

If they’re really feeling conscientious they might mention it, but other than that, no.

Mad Jon: ugh, they even used Bob’s foot size to pin him down as the actual bad guy.

Dave: But we’re all sort of tacitly agreeing that there will be another Bob episode, and that it’ll likely dig a deeper hole. I’m happy with that.

Charlie Sweatpants: I’m happy that we’re in agreement, I’m not happy that it’s going to happen.

Mad Jon: Assuming Kelsey Grammer is still living… Well I guess even that doesn’t stop the Zombie writers now does it…

Charlie Sweatpants: Hasn’t yet.