Tag: New Kid on the Block

“There you are! Thought you could get away?” – Homer Simpson “Goodbye.” – Prospective Simpson Neighbor

“Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! . . . But you can’t stop at one! You wanna drink another woman! . . . So I says, yeah, if you want that money, come and find it, cause I don’t know where it is ya baloney, you make me wanna retch . . .” – Homer Simpson

“But, Marge, I think he should learn about it the same way I did.” – Homer Simpson “Are you sure?” – Marge Simpson “Zookeeper! Zookeeper! Those two monkeys are killing each other!” – Homer Simpson “They’re having sex.” – Zookeeper “Oh.” – Homer Simpson

“Homer, Bart’s at a very curious age. As his father, I think you should have a frank and earthy discussion about . . . you know.” – Marge Simpson

  “Sometimes I think you want to fail!” – First Guy From Kabul “Shut up. Just shut up!” – Second Guy From Kabul

“Homer, I’ve a proposition for ye. Fair and true.” – Captain McAllister “C’mon, Marge, let the people see your pretty face.” – Homer Simpson “Come see Bottomless Pete, Nature’s cruelest mistake! Come for the freak! Stay for the food!” – Captain McAllister “Oh, he’s hideous!” – Female Crowd Member “I heard they shaved a gorilla.” – Male Crowd Member

“Now, if you’ll excuse us, this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. Son, a woman is a lot like . . . um, a refrigerator! They’re about six feet tall, three hundred pounds . . . they . . . make ice.” – Homer Simpson

“I’ll send Laura over to babysit as soon as she gets home.” – Ruth Powers “Great.  Oh, uh, and there was something else, something I was supposed to tip-toe around.” – Homer Simpson “My divorce.” – Ruth Powers “That’s it!  Whew, I’m glad one of us remembered.  That could’ve been embarrassing.” – Homer Simpson

“That man ate all our shrimp!  And two plastic lobsters!” – Fryin’ Dutchman Teenager “‘Tis no man, ’tis a remorseless eating machine.  Argh.” – Captain McAllister

“Aww, not again.” – Clumsy Student Mover

“That medicine’s not for you!” – Marge Simpson “Come on, Marge, maybe I’m not getting enough . . . estrogen.” – Homer Simpson “Gimme that!” – Marge Simpson

“There’s a few things you could do to help us sell our home.  First, whenever you walk in front of your window, could you please wear pants?” – Mrs. Winfield “Hmmm, no.” – Homer Simpson

“Grampa, I need some advice.  Did you ever have a crush on an older woman?” – Bart Simpson “I had a crush on the oldest woman!  One-hundred-and-twenty-years old she was.  Here’s a picture of her delivering Eubie Blake.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson “What happened?” – Bart Simpson “She fell in with that Guinness Book of Records crowd.  Suddenly she didn’t have any time for me.  Oh, I wore a fifteen pound beard of bees for that woman, but it just wasn’t enough.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

“Oh, no all you can eat seafood.  I wore my extra loose pants for nothing, nothing!” – Homer Simpson

“Marge, we’re going to that restaurant.” – Homer Simpson “But I think I’m allergic to seafood.  The last time I ate shrimp my throat closed up and I went into convulsions.” – Marge Simpson “Mmmm, shrimp.” – Homer Simpson

“Shut up, you little monsters! . . . Hello, I was wondering if you’d like to babysit my little angels.” – Homer Simpson “Sorry, this isn’t Abby.  This is her sister.  I look after her now.” – Abby’s Sister “No, Bart.  Put it down.  Put it down, Bart.  Bart, put it down.” – Abby