I watched a lot of television when I was growing up, but even I had my limits and this week we’ve got links to three shows (Melrose Place, Stargate SG-1, Heroes) that I can honestly say I’ve never seen a full episode of.  We also check in with the burnt donut from last week, hot chocolate and nuclear power.  Oh and we’ve got lots of excellent usage this week.

Enjoy.

From ‘With It’ to ‘Senior Listener’ at 22 Years-old – The “then they changed what it was” quote is mangled and Grandpa says it, not Homer.  Poor usage, don’t worry the good stuff’s coming.

Other Nations Expand Nuclear Power While America Keeps Watching The Simpsons – I’m not knowledgeable enough about nuclear power and the alternatives to have an informed opinion about whether or not we should build more nuclear power plants.  That said, they are a comedy gold mine.

The Watchtower of Destruction: The Ferrett’s Journal – Covering The Simpsons Bingo Card – The specifics here are a little weak, but the general premise (that you learn about famous pop culture items from shows like The Simpsons before you actually encounter them) is dead on accurate.  For years I never knew who Ray J. Johnson was, and then I finally looked it up and “Krusty Gets Kancelled” became just a little bit funnier.

ned flanders’ hot chocolate – Instructions on how to make a cup of hot chocolate like Flanders did in the movie.  It even includes step by step photographs (on a windowsill) and a blow torch!  Awesome.

‘Melrose Place’: By hook or by crook – I never watched the first Melrose Place and I have no intention of watching the second one, but this is excellent usage.

Ned Flanders’ Parents: The Web is Monetizable – This is the opening of a long discussion of how you can get paid for creating useful things on-line:

Remember those ‘Simpsons’ beatniks (I believe it was Ned Flanders’ parents) who said, “You gotta help us, Doc. We’ve tried nothin’ and we’re all out of ideas?”

If you listen to the scene it sounds more like Ned’s mom says “You’ve gotta” not “You gotta”, but that nit’s too small for even me to pick.  Excellent usage.

Town keeps tribute to Homer – Springfield, New Zealand is going to replace the burned donut we mentioned last week with an invincible concrete donut.  That ought to thwart the arsonists who torched the old one.  Go Springfield, NZ!  You can click through to see a photo of the burned donut from the front.  I’d still eat it.  It’s just a little charred, it’s still good, it’s still good!

Simpsons references in Stargate – Clearly the people behind this show were fans of The Simpsons.  Not that that says or means much, but still.

Lil’ Monster… Laura’s Sketch 36 – It’s a very well done home-made Halloween card that has nothing to do with The Simpsons until they put a nearly correct Lisa quote underneath it.  Silver star for usage on that one.

Caption Competition – This is a BBC magazine caption contest for a photo of a bunch of people in mascot costumes running a race.  One of the mascots has Bart’s haircut and thus we get:

Despite the mask, Bart Simpson would never live down being beaten by Bumblebee man

Hayden’s Girl-on-Girl Smooch a Cheap Shot? – Marge’s imaginary kiss on last season’s Zombie Simpsons now means that every time someone writes about the girl-kissing-girl teevee trope, Simpsons will get dragged into it:

What used to be taboo TV is now considered nothing more than a ratings-grabbing stunt. The provocative plot point pretty much jumped the shark with moody Marissa Cooper’s (Mischa Barton) sapphic smooch with Olivia Wilde back on ‘The O.C.’ These days everyone from Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox (’Dirt’) to ‘Desperate Housewives’ Gaby and Susan are doing it. Even Marge Simpson has had a lesbian kiss!

Look at that list of shitty television shows, why oh why must The Simpsons be on such a terrible list?  This is your fault, Zombie Simpsons.  If the fake girl-kisses-girl is going to be the next iteration of Fonzie jumping the shark it needs a name.  “Plugging the dyke” seems a tad crude, although it does work on three levels: 1) “dyke” (rude but self explanatory) 2) “plugging” (since the hetero-girl kiss always makes the promos) and 3) plugging holes in a dyke (the old definition) is what you do when things are about to get a lot worse.  Does anyone have any other suggestions?

My enthusiasm for my new phrase, however, doesn’t lessen my disappointment in Zombie Simpsons for sullying the good reputation of its forerunner.

Yeardley Smith, voice actress behind Lisa Simpson character, to read in Holland – Smith will be reading from her new book “I, Lorelei” in Holland, MI on October 17th.

Baseball, Football and a Weekend Without Blackouts? – In a post about this weekend’s slate of NFL games we get this (yeah, he misspelled “Simpson”, so what?):

And, rather than post a random video, we’ll end with this. As Jay Sherman once famously told Homer Simpon, “No, Homer, I won’t make fun of you. But I will suggest there may be better things in life than seeing a man get hit in the groin with a football.” Yes, Jay, like a man about to win a playoff game getting hit in the groin with a baseball.

Sherman actually says “I won’t make fun” without the “of you”, but that’s also a pretty tiny nit and I won’t pick it.  Excellent usage.