“Homer, has the weight loss tape reduced your appetite?” – Marge Simpson “Ah, lamentably no; my gastronomic rapacity knows no satiety.” – Homer Simpson
Tag: Bart’s Friend Falls in Love
Quote of the Day
“There stands a broken man.” – Chuck “It’s recess everywhere but in his heart.” – Ralph Wiggum
Quote of the Day
"Now there’s a Machiavellian countenance… ooh, a sextet of ale." – Homer Simpson
Saturday Morning Cartoons: Fuck Seinfeld
I was never a big fan of Seinfeld. Like Cheers before and Friends after, it was a popular but ultimately dull sitcom. It was no more a revolutionary show than Law & Order is/was. Both may be the best expressions of their respective shitty genres, but that doesn’t change the fact that the kind of television they represent is inherently shitty. These days whenever someone says “yada yada yada” the first thing that springs to most people’s minds is Seinfeld. The reason for that is that Seinfeld – at the height of its popularity – based an entire episode (titled…
“Homer vs. Dignity” Makes Baby Jesus Cry
“Well, according to Eternity magazine the feeling of guilt has been linked to the neurotransmitter gamephenomene. Dow Chemical is developing a minty gel which will eliminate excess guilt, but, unfortunately it won’t be on the market for another six months.” – Lisa Simpson This episode has long been notorious amongst connoisseurs of the decline and fall of The Simpsons for the scene where Homer is raped by a panda. Why is Homer in a position to get raped by a panda? Because Mr. Burns is paying him to humiliate himself. Why is Mr. Burns doing that? Because this show is…
Sunday Morning Cartoons
“We worked so hard and now it’s all gone. We ended up with nothing because the three of us can’t share.” – Bart Simpson “What’s your point?” – Milhouse van Houten “Nothing, just kinda ticks me off.” – Bart Simpson That is how you end an episode between Bart and Milhouse. Or, if you need them to reconcile, you can have Bart smash open a Magic 8 Ball on Milhouse’s skull, but it’s a sweet moment because he didn’t use the brick, broken bottle or pair of scissors. Flowers and apologies? Fuck off, Zombie Simpsons.
Quote of the Day
“We start with pure milk chocolate…” – TV announcer “Chocolate…” – Homer Simpson “Add a layer of farm-fresh honey…” – TV announcer “Oh, sweet…”- Homer Simpson “Then we sprinkle on four kinds of sugar…” – TV announcer (drooling noises) – Homer Simpson “And dip it in rich, creamery butter.” – TV announcer
Quote of the Day
“Did you know that 34 million American adults are obese? Taken together that excess blubber could fill the Grand Canyon two fifths of the way up. That may not sound impressive but keep in mind it is a very big canyon.” – Kent Brockman