“Jessica, I think this is too steep.” – Bart Simpson “Bart, you can’t trust your perception at this altitude.” – Jessica Lovejoy
Tag: Bart’s Girlfriend
Quote of the Day
“Everyone turn around and look at this!” – Helen Lovejoy “What is it? A Unitarian?” – Grampa Simpson
Synergy Doesn’t Learn From Its Mistakes
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user iotae. “You gotta give her up.” – Lisa Simpson “No, no, wait, hear my plan: put up with her for seven more years. Then we’ll get married, once the first baby comes along she’s bound to settle down and start treating me right. After all, I deserve it.” – Bart Simpson This week’s edition of IGN’s “corporate fanboy” writing was a mixed bag of praise and criticism. (It still scored a 7.3, of course.) The most direct criticism is of Sacha Baron Cohen and the way this episode didn’t live up to IGN’s expectations. Apparently, every time a comedian of some recent popularity is announced as a guest voice, IGN pees itself in anticipation: Seth Rogen is a genius! This is going to be a GREAT episode! Ricky Gervais made The Office! His episode is gonna be hilarious! And yet every time this happens, Zombie Simpsons drops the ball and IGN is left disappointed. (And never mind that they gave Rogen’s episode an 8.6 when it came out, some time for reflection has apparently taken the shine off of it.) The natural response to repeated disappointment is to stop getting your hopes up, but when the one who’s constantly disappointing you is the same one who’s signing your paychecks that may not be an option. As always, I’ve edited out the synergy. March 29, 2010 – I think Sacha Baron Cohen is a pretty funny guy. When I heard he’d be doing a guest voice on The Simpsons Zombie Simpsons, I was excited indifferent. I thought that would be a fantastic match he’d be wasted just like every other celebrity on the show in the last decade or so. Of course, I thought the same thing when I heard Ricky Gervais was going to guest star. And Jack Black. And Seth Rogen. Unfortunately Exactly as I expected, none of those episodes lived up to what I thought the combination of guest actor and series would be were any good. None of those episodes were outright failures, but the The name recognition had raised my expectations nothing to do with the crappiness of the episode. The same goes for "Greatest Story Ever D’ohed." My preconceived notions were let down by what was still a fairly decent episode were confirmed, guest stars are irrelevant, this show just sucks. The opening act was my favorite the least stupid segment of this half hour. Looking back, I think this was due to the fact that it didn’t involve exotic locales and swanky guest stars, though, it still sucked. It was just your standard (and funny) Jerkass Homer-annoys-Ned neighborly in stupid, unfunny ways affair. While Ned was trying to entertain his bible study group, Homer and the kids were within view enjoying a slip-and-slide in their backyard. It’s these bits that I continue to enjoy because they are were once at the heart of what The Simpsons is was: a family sitcom. Now, they’re just further proof…
Quote of the Day
“Do you have ‘Go, Dog, Go’?” – Ralph Wiggum (scoffs) “That’s in juvenile. This is young adult.” – Boy in Library “Well-read and just a little wild. Oh, if only someone could tame him.” – Lisa Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I can’t believe it, Bart. I’d always thought Jessica was so sweet!” – Lisa Simpson “She’s like a Milk Dud, Lis: Sweet on the outside, poison on the inside.” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Gah! Save me from the wee turtles! They were too quick for me!” – Groundskeeper Willie
Crazy Noises: Marge Be Not Proud
“I don’t think we should hang out together anymore. You’re turning me into a criminal when all I want to be is a petty thug.” – Bart Simpson As part of our efforts to bring you only the finest in low class, low brow, and low tech internet Simpsons commentary we’re applying our “Crazy Noises” series to “Marge Be Not Proud”, the “One Bad Episode” our Manifesto has in Season 7. Because doing a podcast smacks of effort we’re still using this “chatroom” thing that all the middle schoolers and undercover cops seem to think is so cool. This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on on “Lollapalooza”). “Marge Be Not Proud” is the black sheep of Season 7. It’s so utterly out of place, so completely incongruous with those around it that I’ve always kinda wondered how it was even produced. Was a bad batch of donuts delivered to the studio that day? Was half the writers room getting divorced that week? Did someone spike the water supply? We’ll never know. All we can do is watch the rest of Season 7 and avoid this one like the plague. Charlie Sweatpants: It’s time we scale the unscalable cliff and talk about that most depressing of all episodes: Marge Be Not Proud. Mad Jon: If there were patron saints of unholy reasons to start a blog this would be in the running. Charlie Sweatpants: Pretty much. Dave: You mean the episode in which absolutely nothing happens but the strings of sadness tell us we need to feel shit? Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, except it was the first time ever and this episode felt like getting hit by a train. I remember being embarrassed that it was even happening it was so bad. Mad Jon: I remember being very confused when it happened Dave: My memory is apparently very imprecise. But, I don’t like the episode. At all. Mad Jon: I felt like Millhouse when he saw the Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie show. “When are they gonna get to the Fireworks Factory!!??!” Charlie Sweatpants: There really is surprisingly little redeeming value in it, I mean, it’s Season fucking Seven. It should be good. They cut off the Troy McClure video, there are multiple horribly long “suspense” sequences, the morality play on display would be considered “too much” by the people who used to do those After School Specials. It was just bizarre from start to finish. Far and away the worst part though is when Bart admits to Marge “I did it.” This is a kid who became famous for saying that he didn’t do it. Mad Jon: And seriously, theft? Bart? No. He’s admittedly more of a petty vandal. Charlie Sweatpants: It was played in the most television-y way possible to heighten the drama. Mad Jon: It really was. Especially when they were going to get the picture taken. That was brutal. Charlie Sweatpants: Oh indeed. There’s like half a minute there where literally…
Alliteration and foreshadowing
Another Wednesday, another sight gag. Other evil women with names starting in “J” not mentioned on the sign: Jessica Lovejoy.
Friday Link Dump – Scotland and Nitpicking Edition
“Now the kilt was only for day to day wear. In battle, we donned a full length ball gown covered in sequins. The idea was to blind your opponent with luxury.” – Groundskeeper Willie There’s one example of great usage this week and then several that need help (though I probably over did it). Also there’s a history of homosexual characters on television, video game legalese, a new non-Simpsons blog with a Simpsons title and two posts about Scotland. Out an On Air – A history of gay and lesbian portrayals on television that mentions The Simpsons but doesn’t mention Smithers. Sure Smithers is Narnia-deep in the closet, but as early as Season 2 (1990-1991) it’s pretty clear that he’s gay. I’ve always thought the show doesn’t get enough credit for that. As hard as it can be to remember now, back then even an openly closeted character like Smithers was forbidden on US television. French tops in OECD for eating and sleeping – The Vancouver Sun gets a gold star for excellent usage, the quote is correct and it’s very apt. We’re a cartoon in the making – A newspaper columnist in Windsor, ON uses copious Simpsons references to explain his screwed up town. Nice. LGJ: A case of tortious interference – Tortious interference is when you get someone else to renege on a contract they have with a third party, it’s explained here with a fictional Lisa Simpson video game, but why did they make the fake box for the PS2? Study: DRM turns normal people into pirates out of necessity – Have you illegally copied things? Probably. I’ve copied all my Simpsons DVDs to my computer. Was that illegal? Probably. Do I give a shit? Hell no. Best Mother/Daughter Duos On TV – Lisa and Marge make the cut. I have no basis for comparison here because I think I’ve seen a combined 37 seconds of the other four shows mentioned, “Gossip Girl”, “Desperate Housewives” “Brothers & Sisters”, and “Medium”. The Art of Opening Credits – I too liked the opening of The Simpsons Movie, particularly the Itchy & Scratchy part. Connecticut Film Festival coming to Danbury – Live in or near Danbury Connecticut? Want to see Mike Reiss speak? Cheney vs. Lisa Simpson – A Daily Kos diarist uses Lisa’s famous tiger repelling rock to make fun of Dick Cheney. No gold star for usage, however, as the copied transcript is incorrect in a couple of small ways. I searched Google for it and it looks like this one got entered incorrectly years ago and has been copied wrong ever since. Even SNPP has it wrong, which doesn’t happen very often. For the record, here is the correct exchange between Lisa and Homer: Homer: Ahh, not a bear in sight, the Bear Patrol must be working like a charm. Lisa: That’s specious reasoning, Dad. Homer: Thank you, honey. Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away. Homer: Oh,…
Synergy Admits Past Relationships
“Must . . . fight . . . Satan, make it . . . up to him . . . later.” – Bart Simpson When even your own corporate internet shill has to mention no fewer than five previous episodes in reviewing your latest installment, it might be time to re-evaluate things. And he went easy, I added a sixth amongst my usual corrections for accuracy and honesty. Enjoy. April 20, 2009 – A lot of the basic ideas found in “The Good, the Sad and the Drugly” have been mined before done better in previous episodes of The Simpsons. This can happen with a show that’s been on the air this long about twice as long as it should have been. Heck, it can happen to programs that have been on the air for half that time that’s about when it started repeating itself in the first place. And while we may have seen rifts develop between Bart and Milhouse before, and even seen one of the other Simpson kids on mind-altering drugs, “The Good, the Sad and the Drugly” didn’t recycle the same old jokes, so there were still some fresh laughs to be had which is too bad because that would have been an improvement. The Bart/Milhouse storyline was plotted very well got bogged down as soon as Milhouse started showing up and saying creepy things over and over again. The pair pranked Springfield Elementary by unscrewing every screw, an idea whose physical impossibility serves only to highlight its lack of imagination. After Milhouse was caught, Principal Skinner, acting for some reason as though he has no idea that Milhouse is friends with Bart, threatened to suspend him if he didn’t give up the name of his accomplice. Ever the true friend In order to advance the plot, Milhouse took the fall and Bart promised to visit him at home every day. Of course, when Bart fell for fifth grade girl Jenny, in the fastest grade school courtship ever, Milhouse was forgotten. We’ve seen the basics of this plot in episodes like “The Bart Wants What It Wants,” where both Bart and Milhouse dated Rainier Wolfcastle’s daughter Greta, too bad it stunk then and it stinks now. We’ve also seen things come between the pair other than people, like in “Three Men and a Comic Book” (comic book) and “Radioactive Man” (movie role), of course those comparisons are unfair because those stories made sense and were, you know, funny. This time, it is once again a woman… well, a girl., well really it was a women voicing a girl, but why split hairs? Do-gooder Jenny was voiced by Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married, Get Smart) and the actress did a fine job read her lines competently even though none of them required even a shred of acting, timing or delivery. There was nothing extreme remotely funny in the part that she was called upon to perform, so in essence Jenny could have been performed by anybody. While…
Just Another Telling Example
“I hate the sea, and everything in it.” – Captain McAllister Two weeks after Moe acted way out of character to land a woman, we get the same thing from Bart. He displayed an hitherto unknown amount of confidence and skill at flirting with a girl who, despite the fact that she also attends Springfield Elementary, he has never seen before. The obvious comparison here is “Bart’s Girlfriend” from Season 6 and there is a specific aspect I’d like to point out. Twice last night, Bart looked at “Jenny” and saw her outlined in a halo of light complete with background music. This is a pretty standard TV trope for “instant love”. Last night they just played it straight: light + music = isn’t she perfect. Now, recall the beginning of “Bart’s Girlfriend”, when Jessica Lovejoy makes her entrance on the pulpit, she too is wreathed in light. Of course, we’re quickly shown the source of the light: Captain McAllister’s deliberately incompetent lighthouse policies. The difference is that Simpsons mocks the cliche; Zombie Simpsons just straight ahead uses it – twice. We’ll set the over/under on the ratings at 6.4 million viewers. Update: The numbers are in and the over has it, ever so slightly, at 6.5 million viewers.
Getting Out of Hand
“I’m in television now. It’s my job to be repetitive. My job. My job. Repetitiveness is my job.” – Bart Simpson Simpsons Channel has a post up with the promo image for April 19th’s Zombie Simpsons, titled “The Good, the Sad and the Drugly”. Here’s the plot description: To win the heart of Jenny (guest voice Anne Hathaway) a sweet 5th grade girl, Bart becomes a good samaritan and gives up his prank-pulling days Given the presence of the perfectly cromulent word “drugly” in the title I’m gonna guess that this girl might have a lesson or two to teach Bart about growing up. It’s always creepy and rage inducing when Zombie Simpsons goes on one of its weird “we’re moralizing/but no we’re really mocking moralizing/um yeah, we’re actually moralizing” skids. That was about half the run-time of this season’s feculent “Mypods and Boomsticks” episode and it always sucks. Well, at least we found out who Anne Hathaway is voicing on the Simpsons. Apparently it’s going to be Bart’s love interest, not Krusty’s. The earlier leaked plot was to have her testify in court when . . . ugh . . . Krusty was falsely accused of a crime. Now it seems she’s voicing a goody-two-shoes that . . . ugh . . . Bart straightens up and flies right in order to impress. I wouldn’t rule out the Krusty-accused plot also being included; there’s no real limit to the amount of stupidity Zombie Simpsons can jam into a single meandering story. Of course, if that little gem of a Krusty plot isn’t in there on April 19th, we could always see it later. On the plus side, the endless repetition of earlier plots may finally be having an effect. There are some grumbly comments on that Simpsons Channel post from people who otherwise still think it’s good.
Quote of the Day
“Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels.” – Sunday School Teacher