“You said this monkey would be sweeping the floors and cleaning the gutters. And now he just lies there, struggling to breathe.” – Marge Simpson “What do you want? His cholesterol’s through the roof.” – Homer Simpson
Tag: Girly Edition
Makeup Quote of the Day
“The monkey’s on my part of the sofa.” – Marge Simpson “Honey, he’s clearly marked his territory.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“They call her ‘The Cat Lady’. People say she’s crazy just because she has a few dozen cats. But can anyone who loves animals that much really be crazy?” – Lisa Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Oh, for pete’s sakes, why is that monkey wearing a diaper?” – Marge Simpson “Enh.” – Homer Simpson & Mojo the Helper Monkey Happy 20th Anniversary to “Girly Edition”! Original airdate 19 April 1998.
Quote of the Day
“The old Union Pacific doesn’t come by here much anymore…” – Lisa Simpson
Behind Us Forever: Fatzcarraldo
“And I’ll be able to tackle all the hard hitting children’s news the grown-up controlled media won’t touch. Plus I get to be on TV!” – Lisa Simpson Zombie Simpsons long ago stopped astonishing me with how bad it can be, but every once and a while I can’t help but marvel at just how far the writing has devolved. These episodes mostly adhere to the loosest of structures: an A-plot, a supplemental B-plot, both wrapping up near the end. But the incredibly low bar they have for what counts as a story (or as a resolution) is remarkable when you take a second to think about it. Consider this episode’s B-plot: Lisa is apparently the chief reporter for a school radio station. How do we know that? Well, we see her – all by herself but with a hat and a microphone – standing outside of a fake awards show. From there we see a staff meeting, one report from detention, and then Skinner abruptly ends the radio news show, causing Lisa to be apparently heartbroken. That’s it. It’s four scenes, and I doubt it’s even three full minutes of screen time, even if you count generously. It gets – ahem – resolved at the end when Homer is leading the police on a chase and Lisa gets a megaphone from Chief Wiggum so she can explain what her dad is doing. This, in turn, is seen by some fat guys in a restaurant and causes them to come to Homer’s aid. Even if we ignore all the ways that doesn’t make sense, it still doesn’t do anything to resolve Lisa’s being sad about her radio station getting cancelled. What’s the thinking? (Was there any thinking?) I’m pretty good at scrounging these episodes for even the most tendentious and transparent of links between scenes, but I got nothing here. The only line Lisa has after this is to tell Homer, “I’m sorry, Dad. It’s over” before he rides the caboose down a hill and off a bridge. The A-plot is just as incoherent. Patty and Selma have to move in with the Simpsons, though since they never come back after the scene where we see them move in it hardly seems to matter. Homer eats at a chili dog place from his childhood, but the owner doesn’t remember him until he does. Credits. Yeesh. – I don’t think I’ve mentioned this in a long time, but there really is no better shorthand for the difference between The Simpsons and Zombie Simpsons than the change in what happens to Homer between the original opening and the HD one they implemented back in Season 20. Homer used to see Marge’s car coming, yell, and get out of the way. Now he just gets plowed into, leaving a Homer shaped hole in the garage wall. – Huh, a 2001 opening. Never seen that before. But this one’s in the service of a giant domino setup that goes on for a full minute. That screen time…
Quote of the Day
“Alright, if you’re so smart, tell me who I selected to be lunchroom monitor.” – Principal Skinner “Me?” – Lisa Simpson “Take your sash and go.” – Principal Skinner
Quote of the Day
“Smithers, do you think maybe my power plant killed those ducks?” – C.M. Burns “There’s no ‘maybe’ about it, sir.” – Mr. Smithers “Excellent.” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“Bart, look up here. This is where the tears would be if I could cry. But I can’t. Botched facelift.” – Channel 6 Executive
Quote of the Day
“Do not be alarmed. That is just my helper monkey, sir. I got him after a robber shot me six times and left me for dead.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Helper monkey, eh?” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Mr. Brockman, I need your help. I’ve got to become a great anchor so I can show up my sister.” – Bart Simpson “Sister, huh? I’ve got a sister, miss big shot CNN Washington correspondent. Pfft! Well, she’s not the boss of me! Come in.” – Kent Brockman
Quote of the Day
“Ooh, the gum with the cracker center.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Mom, am I dumb?” – Bart Simpson “Honey, I’d love to reassure you, but right now mommy needs a tetanus shot.” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Our license renewal is on the bubble. We need educational programming, fast.” – Channel 6 Executive “What about that Mattel and Mars Bar Quick Energy Chocobot Hour?” – Krusty the Klown “That’s barely legal as it is.” – Channel 6 Executive
All Exposition All the Time
“Eww.” – Lisa Simpson Near the beginning of The Great Muppet Caper, Diana Rigg, playing wealthy fashion designer Lady Holiday, tells Miss Piggy all about her ne’er-do-well brother and the giant diamond that will be central to the plot. Miss Piggy then asks Rigg why she’s telling her all that stuff. Rigg’s response should be carved into the walls of studios, film schools, and wherever they’re producing Zombie Simpsons these days: It’s plot exposition. It has to go somewhere. Indeed it does, but “somewhere” is not “everywhere”, a distinction that was lost on “How I Wet Your Mother”. About two thirds of the way through the episode, I stopped even trying to keep track of the verbal duds that were competing for being the longest, most literal, and most unnecessary pieces of clunky exposition. Some of the contenders include Marge saying “This might be a clue, what’s in that coffin could be behind your nighttime whoopsies”, Homer declaring “It’s the land of my innermost thoughts and fondest desires”, and the one-two punch of Frink’s “You see, I have invented a device that allows you to enter someone else’s dreams and explore their subconscious”, to which Marge responds, “So we can go inside Homer’s sleeping mind and find out why he’s wetting the bed?”. Inception, which this episode so incompetently copied, is seven times as long and makes more sense, and I don’t think it had half this many explanations. Of course, the exposition was only the most glaring problem because it was in pretty much every scene. There were plenty of other head shaking “whoopsies” ranging from small to huge. There was the fact that Burns clearly sees Homer leaving the office with stolen supplies before declaring him the only one who didn’t steal. There was the bizarre way Marge didn’t notice Homer was wetting the bed. There were several instances of characters appear and disappearing, and all of those took place outside of those interminable dream sequences. The less said about Frink coming flying out of the sky the better. It wasn’t all bad. They do seem to have picked up their game in terms of background and sign humor of late (the putty in the supply closet was nice), and there was some far above average animation in Homer’s dream utopia. I even liked the extended callback to the Tracey Ullman shorts, though it’s always more bitter than sweet when the thing they do best is inadvertently reminding everyone of when the show was good. But ultimately, this was talking bar rag redux. By pretending that it’s Halloween all the time, they can give themselves enough space to add in a nice piece of trimming here and there, but the main elements of the episode are all dumb, tired, and shoddy. Anyway, the numbers are in, and they are wet the bed embarrassing. Last night’s satire free Inception remake was slumbered through by a mere 4.96 million viewers. That’s the second lowest number of all time, leading only…
Quote of the Day
“So, by waking up a little early and having some extra sheets handy, no one’s the wiser. Tomorrow, destroying the evidence.” – Milhouse van Houten
Crazy Noises: Girly Edition
“I want you to take that monkey back so he can be rehabilitated and get a second chance.” – Marge Simpson “No, no, he’s fine. Go on, Mojo, show Marge your Happy Dance!” – Homer Simpson There’s no new Zombie Simpsons until September at the earliest (October? fingers crossed!), so we’re going to spend the summer overthinking Season 9. Why Season 9? Because we did Season 8 last summer, and Season 9 was when the show started becoming more Zombie than Simpsons. Since we’re too lazy to do audio and too ugly to do video, we’ve booked a “chatroom” (ours is right between the one with the sexy seventh graders and the one with the bored federal agents pretending to be sexy seventh graders). So log on to your dial-up AOL and join us. This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “convenience”). Today’s episode is 921 “Girly Edition”, 911 “All Singing, All Dancing” was yesterday. Charlie Sweatpants: This one is mostly good. Mad Jon: I generally enjoy it. It’s not 1-6 top caliber, but it is one of the best in season 9. Charlie Sweatpants: It gets a little carried away with Willie (especially at the end), but other than that it’s very solid. Mad Jon: The Brockman induced schmaltz is worth the price of admission. Charlie Sweatpants: They really enjoyed themselves with all those mind fogging reports. Dave: It’s watchable, yeah. Mad Jon: I sense a lingering desire to put us in our place, Dave. Dave: Nah, there’ll be none of that tonight. It’s not top of 9 for me only because I have fewer in the top than the two of you. Charlie Sweatpants: What displeases you? Mad Jon: Yes, tell us. Dave: As an aside, I had a friend in high school who more or less built a career around foggy news and warm fuzzies. I blame this episode, actually. Eh, it just doesn’t grab me. The Bart/Lisa rivalry isn’t particularly entertaining… I hate Lindsey Naegle… the Willie stuff got weird. Y’know. That. Charlie Sweatpants: The only Bart/Lisa thing I didn’t like is how personal Bart takes her thinking he dumb. He knows he’s dumber than her, he doesn’t care. Dave: Bingo. Mad Jon: The Willie stuff dragged on for sure, and I agree with Pants on the Lisa/Bart point. Dave: And for no reason Bart gets massively butthurt and goes on a mission to prove a point that doesn’t matter. Charlie Sweatpants: But I do like Lindsey Naegle. Mad Jon: But time wise they weren’t that lengthy and they led to funny lines. Charlie Sweatpants: Well, he doesn’t really, and I like when he reads the newspaper. Mad Jon: And of course, Mojo was great. Dave: Naegle reminds me of too many alpha-bitch types I work with. Therefore I hate her. Mojo is pretty awesome. And I enjoyed Homer’s request for a duck. Mad Jon: It is unfortunate/fortunate that it clouds the Homer – jerkass stuff. Charlie Sweatpants: How…
Synergy Feasts on Crumbs
When it comes to “reviewing” Zombie Simpsons, IGN basically has two tools at its disposal: low standards and positive spin. This week’s sycophantic drivel is heavy on the latter. These aren’t recycled ideas that have been done much better in the past, they’re “variations of themes”. Sarah Silverman’s character (hereafter referred to as “Girlfriend #8”) isn’t a one dimensional character who exists only to kiss and longboard, she’s a “female version of Bart”. Skinner and Willy kissing for hours isn’t wholly unnecessary filler, it “was probably funnier on paper”. It can’t be easy to suck stale crumbs off the floor and call them delicious, but IGN’s (still) on the job. As always, I’ve edited out all the synergy. March 22, 2010 – I have a soft spot particular dislike for episodes of The Simpsons Zombie Simpsons that center around the elementary school in some way. Of all the locations in Springfield, it’s the elementary school that has the highest concentration of great supporting characters should’ve changed the least. The nuclear power plant is a close second, but the variety of characters at the school edges them out in terms of sheer wasted comedy opportunities. And the kids are definitely more fun resistant to character drift than the gang at Moe’s Tavern. So when "Stealing First Base" established that it was going to be school-centric, it already had a lot going for it “massively aggravating” written all over it. And overall, it didn’t disappoint. The storylines, as can be the is often the case with The Simpsons Zombie Simpsons after so many episodes, were variations of recycled themes we’ve seen a number of times before. Bart was once again struck by love and the results were quite entertaining pretty much the same as they always are. Mrs. Krabappel’s absence forced Principal Skinner to combine the two fourth grade classes at Springfield Elementary into one class for some reason. The setting that we never saw again gave us a number of great throwaway lines from some of our class favorites characters that used to be funny, including Milhouse, Martin, the twins and Nelson. Nelson had the best only minor storyline in the episode after getting paired with a blind student in the other class. Throughout the episode, we returned to the duo and saw how Nelson was taking the kid under his bully wing acting out a particularly hackneyed after school special. And this is precisely why I so enjoy loathe these school-based episodes. There’s plenty to work with to fill the episode with extra laughs The reanimated corpses of characters I used to enjoy acting nothing like themselves pisses me off all over again. Doubling up at the desk introduced Bart to Nikki Girlfriend #8. Essentially a female version of Bart few lines of dialogue that happened to skateboard, Nikki Girlfriend #8 was the closest thing Bart has gotten to finding true love since Greta Wolfcastle. [Ed Note: I’ll take his word for that.] Voiced by guest Sarah Silverman, Nikki Girlfriend #8…
Quote of the Day
“You could learn a lot from him Mary Ann.” – News Executive Lady “It’s Lisa.” – Lisa Simpson “Mary Ann’s better.” – News Executive Lady
Quote of the Day
“Let’s take the trophy route to the den. Twelve Newsies, seven Iron Mics, four Golden Coiffs, this is the most prestigious award that Del Monte gives. Do you want to hear my award winning secret? Human interest stories, they tug at the heart and fog the mind.” – Kent Brockman