Tag: Homer the Vigilante

“Bart’s pain is funny. But mine isn’t.” – Lisa Simpson

“Hey, you’re that drunken posse! Wow. Can I join you?” – Jimbo Jones “I don’t know. Can you swing a sack of doorknobs?” – Homer Simpson “Can I!” – Jimbo Jones “You’re in! Here’s the sack.” – Homer Simpson “But you gotta supply your own knobs.” – Moe

“Dad, the best way for you to help is to set a good example. Just stand around and don’t steal anything. . . . Hey!” – Homer Simpson “We’re on our break.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

“I’ll join! I’m filled with piss and vinegar! At first, I was just filled with vinegar.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

“And my necklace!” – Marge Simpson “That’s no big loss.” – Homer Simpson “Homer, that necklace was a priceless Bouvier family heirloom.” – Marge Simpson “Oh, you probably got a whole drawer full of ’em.” – Homer Simpson “Well, yes, I do. But they’re all heirlooms too!” – Marge Simpson

“Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it’s time for our viewers to crack each other’s heads open and feast on the goo inside?” – Kent Brockman “Yes, I would, Kent.” – Professor

“You know, Lisa, music helps Daddy think.” – Homer Simpson

“And there she is: the world’s largest cubic zirconia.” – Principal Skinner “What an eyesore!” – Moe

“What do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it’s been preventing?” – Kent Brockman “Oh, Kent, I’d be lying if I said my men weren’t committing crimes.” – Homer Simpson “Touche.” – Kent Brockman

“Hey, the burglar left his calling card.” – Bart Simpson “You have just been robbed by the Springfield cat burglar.  Cute.” – Marge Simpson

“So, I said to him, look, buddy, your car was upside down when we got here!  And as for your grandma, she shouldn’t have mouthed off like that.” – Homer Simpson

“Alright, these are our new family security rules: be home before dark, and make sure you’re not followed.  Lock all doors and windows.” – Homer Simpson “And don’t take candy from strangers.” – Marge Simpson “Marge, they’re only human.” – Homer Simpson

“How are we gonna get out of here?” – Otto “We’ll dig our way out!” – Homer Simpson “No, no, dig up, stupid.” – Chief Wiggum Happy (blizzard belated) 20th Anniversary to “Homer the Vigilante”!  Original airdate 6 January 1994.

“Well, as you can see, when the burglar trips the alarm, the house raises from its foundations and runs down the street, around the corner to safety. . . . Well, the real humans won’t, uh, won’t burn quite so fast in there.” – Professor Frink

“Lisa, the mob is working on getting your saxophone back, but we’ve also expanded into other important areas: literacy programs, preserving our beloved covered bridges, world domination.” – Homer Simpson “World domination?” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, that might be a typo.” – Homer Simpson “Mental note: the girl knows too much.” – Homer’s Brain

“We don’t need a thinker, we need a doer!  Someone who will act without considering the consequences!” – Homer Simpson

“Wake up, Dad!  Wake up!  There was a burglar and he took my saxophone!” – Lisa Simpson “Woo-hoo!” – Homer Simpson “And our portable TV!” – Bart Simpson “D’oh!” – Homer Simpson

“Good Lord, my Stormin’ Norman commemorative plates stolen! . . . again.” – Principal Skinner

“Okay, men, it’s time to clean up this town.” – Homer Simpson “Meaning what, exactly?” – Principal Skinner “You know, push people around, make ourselves feel big.” – Homer Simpson