Tag: Lisa the Beauty Queen

“Krusty! About time you got here.” – Jack Larson “Yeah, yeah, what is this? The, uh, Republican fundraiser?” – Krusty the Klown

“Coming up next, a new fad that’s sweeping the nation: wasting food.” – Scott Christian

“Are we done?” – Lisa Simpson “We are just warming up.” – Turn Your Head and Coif Guy “Uh, isn’t this dangerous?” – Lisa Simpson “Don’t worry, I am well protected.” – Turn Your Head and Coif Guy

“Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?” – Lisa Simpson “I don’t know. Was I drunk?” – Homer Simpson “Possibly.” – Lisa Simpson

“Lisa, I know a song that will cheer you up. . . . There once was an ugly duckling…” – Marge Simpson “So you think I’m ugly?” – Lisa Simpson “No! No, I meant you were one of the good looking ducks . . . that makes fun of the ugly one. Hmm.” – Marge Simpson

“It does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under ‘Do Not Write In This Space’, he wrote, ‘OK’.” – Kent Brockman

“Amber Dempsy.” – Pageant Contestant #1 “In the same week, she was Pork Princess and Little Miss Kosher.” – Pageant Contestant #2

“I’m an ugmo!” – Lisa Simpson “Now, that’s not true. You’re cute as a bug’s ear.” – Homer Simpson “Fathers have to say that stuff.” – Lisa Simpson “Dad, am I cute as a bug’s ear?” – Homer Simpson “No, you’re homely as a mule’s butt!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

“Did you see Tine Epstein?” – Pageant Contestant #1 “Whoa, if you’re gonna binge, you better purge.” – Pageant Contestant #2

“Pick the red, get ahead!  Pick the black, set you back!” – Bart Simpson “I don’t recall authorizing this booth.” – Principal Skinner “Goodbye, gentlemen.” – Bart Simpson

“There’s no way I can beat this girl.  She’s the Jack Nicklaus of the pageant circuit.” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, I don’t know that she’s as attractive as Jack Nicklaus.” – Marge Simpson “I meant because they both win all the time, Mom.” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, well, yes, that’s what I meant too.” – Marge Simpson

“Your daughter could be crowned Little Miss Springfield by our host, the maitre d’ of glee, Krusty the Klown.” – Jack Larson “I heartily endorse this event or product.” – Krusty the Klown

“Hey, nobody’s prettier than my little girl.” – Homer Simpson “You’re looking at her through a father’s eyes.” – Marge Simpson “Well, if I could gouge out somebody else’s eyes and shove ’em into my sockets, I would.  But to me, she’s beautiful.” – Homer Simpson “That is so sweet.” – Marge Simpson

“Moe, have you ever felt unattractive?” – Homer Simpson “No.” – Moe “How about you, Barney?” – Homer Simpson “Not for a second.” – Barney Gumble

“This year Laramie is sponsoring the Little Miss Springfield pageant.  You see, government regulations prohibit us from advertising on TV . . . ah, that sweet Carolina smoke . . . but they can’t prohibit us from holding a beauty pageant for little girls age seven to nine.” – Jack Larson Happy 20th Anniversary to “Lisa the Beauty Queen”!  Original airdate 15 October 1992.

“Hey, Barney, will you give me two-hundred-and-fifty bucks for this blimp ticket?” – Homer Simpson “Sure!” – Barney Gumble “Where’d you get all the money?” – Homer Simpson “From some scientist.  Since they stopped testing on animals, a guy like me can really clean up.” – Barney Gumble

“Get yer haggis right here!  Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee sheep’s stomach!  Tastes as good as it sounds!” – Groundskeeper Willie

“I’d say fifty-three years old and four hundred twenty pounds.” – Guess Your Age & Weight Guy “Ha ha, you lose, thirty-six and two-thirty-nine.” – Homer Simpson

“Wait, she’s about to bring out the big guns.” – Pageant Contestant #1 “Eyelash implants.” – Pageant Contestant #2 “I thought those were illegal.” – Lisa Simpson “Not in Paraguay.” – Pageant Contestant #2