Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user Sarah_Ackerman. “Well, I guess it’s back to good old Springfield.” – Bart Simpson “But I can’t go back, not after I’ve seen the bright lights of Capital City. I’ll wither and die like a hothouse flower!” – Lisa Simpson In our ongoing mission to bring you only the shallowest and laziest analysis of Zombie Simpsons, we’re keeping up our Crazy Noises series for Season 22. Since a podcast is so 2004, and video would require a flag, a fern and some folding chairs from the garage, we’ve elected to use the technology that brought the word “emoticon” to the masses: the chatroom. Star Trek image macros are strictly forbidden, unless you have a really good reason why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk. This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (disturbingly enough, not on “Pedobear”). One of the things I’ve noticed about Season 22 so far is that Springfield resembles Hollywood more and more with each passing episode. Just this season we’ve seen this humble Midwestern town acquire a massive private school, a big budget production of Wicked, and a seemingly endless supply of hopelessly trendy restaurants and upscale nightclubs. It’s almost like Springfield is exclusively inhabited by a bunch of highly paid writers who think civilization ceases to exist south of Wilshire. [Note: Dave couldn’t join us again this week. He swears he’s going to have time for us soon, but we know better. It’s okay, we love him anyway.] Charlie Sweatpants: Shall we get this unpleasantness over with? Mad Jon: Yes. Let’s begin Charlie Sweatpants: Where to begin? There’s so much suck here. Mad Jon: Was that Pie Man flying next to Bartman in the opening? Charlie Sweatpants: I think so. I’ve never forced myself to watch that one. Mad Jon: That was the eye opener for me. Charlie Sweatpants: While I applaud their efforts to stock the opening with lots of changes each week, all they ever seem to do is reference older crap. Mad Jon: That must have been season 13 or 14, I don’t know, but I remember I watched like half of it and it was like coming out of a coma. I knew the Simpsons was no longer what it was, but I was most assuredly in a "It’ll get better right?" mode. Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, that never happened. Mad Jon: I know that now, but back in the early 2000’s when I was no longer watching first runs regularly, I figured it was like boiling water. Charlie Sweatpants: You just ignore it long enough and it’ll get there? Mad Jon: Something like that. Charlie Sweatpants: There were a lot of things that needed to be ignored for a long time in this one. I doubt it set any kind of record, but man there were a ton of jokes that took way too long. Mad Jon: Yeah, that seems to keep happening Charlie Sweatpants: The Cat Lady opening comes to…
Tag: The Blue and the Gray
Yeah, They Copied “Family Guy”
“Look Maggie, they have a baby too.” – Homer Simpson “It’s like they saw our lives and put it right up on screen!” – Bart Simpson I have no real use for the perpetual “Simpsons vs. Family Guy” debate for the obvious reason that I don’t consider The Simpsons and Zombie Simpsons to be the same program. Nor do I know whether or not Family Guy was originally intended as a low cost replacement for The Simpsons. I do know that the format of Family Guy resembles that of The Simpsons pretty closely. I also know that Zombie Simpsons sucks for a lot of reasons and, as of this week, we can officially add aping Family Guy to the list. Family Guy, “Love Thy Trophy” (Broadcast 14 March 2000): Zombie Simpsons, “The Blue and the Gray” (Broadcast 13 February 2011): It’s funny because they’re exactly the same.
Compare & Contrast: Self Help Charlatans
“You know, my course can help you with every personality disorder in the ‘Feel Bad Rainbow’. Let’s look at the Rainbow, what’s in there? Depression, Insomnia, Motor-mouth, Darting Eyes, Indecisiveness, Decisiveness, Bossiness, Uncontrollable Falling Down, Geriatric Profanity Disorder or GPD, and Chronic Nagging.” – Brad Goodman Back when the show still had heart and soul, one of the things they liked to do was make fun of the seedier ends of American capitalism. Sometimes this was Dr. Nick hawking his shabby inventions; sometimes it was the customer contemptuous likes of Stern Lecture Plumbing or Ex-Con Home Security. Then one time, it was Brad Goodman, and all the bright, shiny self help scams for which he stood. Before. . . Goodman was the perfect embodiment of the low-rent hucksters who ply the airwaves at the most non of non-primetime television hours looking to make a buck from people Homer famously described as, “alcoholics, the unemployable, angry loners”. Though the specifics varied, each one of them had a system that was pitched at one basic concept: a richer, happier you. Their systems usually came with scientific sounding jargon, a couple of catch phrases, and lots of numbered points (the better to seem more organized). The main thing they all had in common was that you paid up front (for a book, a video, whatever) in the hopes that this valuable information could change your life for the better. . . . and After. The other thing these “impr-U-vement” scams had in common was that no one who wasn’t already desperate took them the least bit seriously. Goodman charged peopled real money for pithy advice Lisa accurately described as “easy answers”, but if you’re enough of a sucker to pay for his advice then you’re also too much of a sucker to be able to call him on it. That’s why The Simpsons made Goodman such an obvious conman, but still let him get away with the cash. The people of Springfield regretted their decision almost as soon as they started practicing what he preached, but by then he was long gone. What makes “Bart’s Inner Child” so great is that the jokes and the scorn are heaped both on Goodman (using “important celebrities” like Martha Quinn and Troy McClure) and on the people he scammed (“We’ve made a false idol of this Brad Goodman!”). Goodman may be a successful charlatan who got away with it, but he’s still very obviously a charlatan the show holds in utter contempt. Compare that rather harsh treatment to the fawningly sympathetic portrayal of the “pick up artist” conman odiously named “Dr. Kissingher”. (Since I flat out refuse to type that name several more times, he shall henceforth be known as Pick Up Kissingher, or “Puke” for short) With the tiny exception of having to announce his own introduction, Puke escapes from the episode completely unscathed. He’s shown as being sympathetic and kind to his dimwitted clients, and is even given a tongue bath in the form…
Going Gray
“I guess I expected something different from your photo.” – Mrs. Krabappel “Don’t let my age fool you. Just ’cause there’s a little snow on the roof . . . I forget how the rest of that goes.” – Jasper Intentionally or not, there is an interesting undercurrent to “The Blue and the Gray”, Zombie Simpsons’ latest affront to quality television. Confronted with the unpleasant fact that she’s not quite what she used to be, Marge flips out and returns to the comforting fiction that cosmetic similarities mean she’s just the same as she always was. Remind you of anything’s writing staff? That’s not the world’s closest comparison. A person’s hair color is largely irrelevant to who they are, whereas the writing of a television show is vitally important to how good it is. But I do enjoy the idea that Zombie Simpsons can’t handle the truth about itself, and chooses to wallow in toxic, self deceiving hair dye instead. Anyway, in between rickety side plots with Moe and Bart, the episode is ostensibly about Marge trying to come to terms with the harsh reality that letting her natural hair color show will change the way other people react to her. Somewhere there’s probably a decent story to be told about that, one that provides plenty of opportunities for satire and comedy about double standards, about the impossible quest to remain young, about beauty lies we’ve all agreed upon. This was not that story, nor did it contain any of that comedy. That might have required some thought. The numbers are in, and they are terrible. Last night’s noxious goo was rinsed from the scalps of a mere 5.62 million people. That’s a new low for Season 22, as well as the fourth lowest rating of all time. To put it another way, “The Blue and the Gray” is the 477th episode of the show, and 473 of those episodes were viewed by more people.