Tag: Black Widower

“We now return to the twenty-seventh annual Krusty the Klown Telethon for Motion Sickness.” – TV Announcer “Timpani! . . . Woo-hoo! I love you people! I love my kids! Poor little guys, so tragic, so nauseous. You should see the bus they came to the studio in.” – Krusty the Klown

“Gee, if some snot nosed little kid sent me to prison, the first thing out I’d find out where he lives and tear him a new belly button! Lousy snitch!” – Homer Simpson

“That MacGyver’s a genius.” – Selma Bouvier “First of all, he’s not a genius. He’s an actor. And second, he’s not much of an actor.” – Sideshow Bob “You’re lying! You’re lying!” – Selma Bouvier “No, Selma, this is lying: That was a well plotted piece of non-claptrap that never made me want to retch.” – Sideshow Bob

“Thank you, señor MacGyver. You’ve saved our village!” – Villager “Don’t thank me. Thank the Moon’s gravitational pull.” – MacGyver

“Hey, weiner boy, where do you think you’re going?” – Homer Simpson

“Do you know what prison is like for a lifelong conservative Republican? In our overcrowded cell, we became little more than beasts. . . . Who used my chapstick?” – Sideshow Bob “Oh, I did. Here you go.” – Prisoner “I don’t want it.” – Sideshow Bob

“Now, about your wedding dress, I’m not sure how to put this…” – Marge Simpson “White!” – Selma Bouvier “White.” – Marge Simpson

“I don’t know what to say.” – Patty Bouvier “Just tell me what you know I want to hear.” – Selma Terwilliger “I’m dying of jealousy.” – Patty Bouvier “Thank you.” – Selma Terwilliger

“Welcome to our video honeymoon.  We’re using the video camera Cousin Doug gave us, and the video cassette Homer gave us.” – Selma Terwilliger “Hey, and after we watch this, we can tape over it!” – Homer Simpson

“A . . . D . . . Q . . . 7 . . .” – Hans Moleman “Close enough.  May you drive safely and find true love.” – Selma Bouvie

“I’m the only single girl left in the family. . . . Well, I guess it could be worse.” – Patty Bouvier

“I could’ve been the flower girl.  And I wouldn’t keep falling down either.” – Lisa Simpson “Hey, they chose Maggie, okay?” – Bart Simpson “Yeah, well if you want to go for cutesyness instead of competence, fine.” – Lisa Simpson

“Selma, this wedding is spinning out of control.  Can we really afford it?  I’ve already run through eight of the ten dollars they gave me when I left prison.” – Sideshow Bob “Hey, relax, I told you, I got money.  I bought stock in a mace company just before society crumbled.” – Selma Bouvier “Selma, that’s wonderful!” – Sideshow Bob

“What a beautiful story, Sideshow Bob.  You’re living proof that our revolving door prison system works.” – Lisa Simpson

“Chief Wiggum, you’ve been around.  You don’t trust Sideshow Bob, do you?” – Bart Simpson “Aw, lighten up, son, if he was gonna commit a crime, would he have invited the number one cop in town?  Now, where did I put my gun?  Oh yeah, I set it down when I got a piece of cake.” – Chief Wiggum

“I share an apartment with my twin sister.  Enclosed is a photo of us on a tandem bike, I forget which one I am.” – Selma Bouvier