“I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?” – Bart Simpson “Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m the Devil! And you’ve earned eternal damnation for your lifetime of evil deeds, Bart. Spitting off the escalator just clinched it.” – The Devil Last week I got an email from a friendly guy named Morgan Criger in Toronto: I did a really decent Simpsons Hieronymus Bosch painting in quarantine and I thought it would be right up your alley. And he was right, check out this beauty: You can see these and more at his site: http://www.morgancriger.com. (There’s also a black…
Tag: Bart Gets Hit By a Car
Quote of the Day
“Homer, what’s happened to you? All this greediness and lying and shifty lawyers and phony doctors…” – Marge Simpson “Phony doctors? Hello.” – C.M. Burns “Do you know what I’d settle for if it was up to me? Bart’s medical bills and an apology.” – Marge Simpson “And you won’t even get that. Sorry, offer’s expired. I guess we’ll just have to let the jury decide, twelve good men and true. Good day. Smithers, release the hounds.” – C.M. Burns
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Now, Bart, can you roll your eyes back in your head like this?” – Lionel Hutz “Oh, you mean like I’m dead? Yeah, sure!” – Bart Simpson “The kid’s a pro!” – Lionel Hutz
Quote of the Day
“Um, say, is there anything I can do to avoid coming back here?” – Bart Simpson “Oh, sure, yeah. But, ah, you wouldn’t like it.” – The Devil “Oh, okay. See you later, then!” – Bart Simpson “Goodbye, Bart! Remember: lie, cheat, steal, and listen to heavy metal music!” – The Devil “Yes, sir!” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“No! Take me! I’m old! . . . That’s what happened. . . . What are you looking at me like that for? You believed his cock and bull story!” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“Dad, may I please make an observation?” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, what is it?” – Homer Simpson “I think this is all a charade to make Bart look more injured than he really is.” – Lisa Simpson “Maybe Lisa does have a point. I don’t mind you boys doing this in the living room, but in court doesn’t Bart have to tell the truth?” – Marge Simpson “Yeah, but what is truth? If you follow me.” – Lionel Hutz
Quote of the Day
“Mr. Burns, I must warn you that if you continue to disrupt the court in this way, I will have to cite you for contempt.” – Judge Moulton “You wouldn’t dare.” – C.M. Burns “Well, no, I guess I wouldn’t.” – Judge Moulton
Quote of the Day
“You’ll be getting more than just a lawyer, Mr. Simpson. You’ll also be getting this exquisite, faux pearl necklace, a ninety-nine dollar value, as our gift to you.” – Lionel Hutz
Character, Story, and A One Syllable Punchline
“Hello, Bart. Now, you know the difference between telling the truth and telling a lie, don’t you, son?” – Judge Moulton “Maybe.” – Bart Simpson There’s a great exchange near the beginning of the trial in Season 2’s “Bart Gets Hit By a Car”. Bart has just taken the witness stand, covered in fake bandages and sitting in an unnecessary wheelchair. The judge asks if he knows the difference between telling the truth and telling a lie. He replies with a nervous “maybe”. This is an understandably intimidating situation for a 10-year-old. Sitting at the lawyer’s table are Homer and…
Quote of the Day
“Your honor, my client has instructed me to remind the court how rich and important he is; and that he is not like other men.” – Blue Haired Lawyer “I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!” – C.M. Burns
Reading Digest: Hopeless Lawsuit Edition
“I’m going to write a figure on this piece of paper. It’s not quite as large as the last one, but I think you’ll find it fair.” – C.M. Burns “I think we should take it.” – Lionel Hutz There were two big Simpsons news stories this week. First, the “Simpsons World” app/website finally launched. I took a quick look, but it spent lots of time buffering and seemed to be struggling under launch-day loads, so I’ll come back to that next week. (We do have quite a few links about it, however.) The second was that an actor who…
Quote of the Day
“I think the boy’s hurt.” – Mr. Smithers “Oh, for crying out loud! Just give him a nickel and let’s get going.” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“Howdy, stranger.” – The Devil “I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?” – Bart Simpson “Ah, please allow me to introduce myself, I’m the Devil.” – The Devil
Quote of the Day
"Is he well enough for me to start mothering him unbearably, doctor?" – Marge Simpson "Better let him rest up a while first." – Dr. Hibbert
Quote of the Day
“Hey, yeah, who are you? I saw you chasing Bart’s ambulance.” – Homer Simpson “Hutz is the name, Mr. Simpson, Lionel Hutz attorney at law. Here’s my card, it turns into a sponge when you put it in water.” – Lionel Hutz “Ooh, classy.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Your son is a very sick boy, just look at the X-rays. You see that dark spot there? Whiplash.” – Dr. Nick Riviera “Whiplash? Oh, no!” – Homer Simpson “And this smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No, that’s trauma.” – Dr. Nick Riviera
Quote of the Day
“Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement. But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement.” – Lionel Hutz
Quote of the Day
“With all due respect, Mrs. Simpson, you’re not a doctor. The boy’s not a doctor. I’m not a doctor. The only person in this room who even comes close is this man.” – Lionel Hutz “Stop, you’re embarrassing me.” – Dr. Nick Riviera
Quote of the Day
“Excuse me Mr. Hutz, are you a shyster?” – Lisa Simpson “How does a nice little girl like you know a big word like that?” – Lionel Hutz Happy 20th Anniversary to “Bart Gets Hit By a Car”! Original airdate 10 January 1991.
Reading Digest: Even In Death You Can’t Escape The Simpsons Edition
“There seems to be a mistake. According to this you’re not due to arrive here until the next time the Yankees win the pennant, that’s nearly a century from now.” – The Devil Longtime New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner keeled over this week. You would not believe the number of times The Simpsons was mentioned in various articles and blog posts about him. This was in spite of the fact that he never appeared on the show. All by itself, Don Mattingly’s joke about still liking Burns better than Steinbrenner was enough to merit inclusion. There’s also a link…