“I’m sorry, ma’am, but everything on the menu has fish in it.” – Frying Dutchman Waiter “What about the bread, does that have much fish in it?” – Marge Simpson “Yes.” – Frying Dutchman Waiter Happy birthday Conan O’Brien!
Tag: New Kid on the Block
“New Kid On the Block” Spews Truth
“She’s beautiful. Say something clever.” – Bart’s Brain “I fell on my bottom.” – Bart Simpson “D’oh!” – Bart’s Brain This commentary is mildly annoying in that it’s basically a bunch of guys congratulating each other on being awesome. On the other hand, all of them are fantastically funny, so not only is it fun to hear, but they’re self aware enough to keep it entertaining. They only occasionally talk about the episode, but unlike when that happens on Zombie Simpsons commentaries, here it’s not them avoiding what’s happening so much as it is them clowning around about things they actually want to laugh about. Just five guys here, and it’s a murderer’s row: Jean, Reiss, Groening, Silverman and Conan O’Brien. 0:45 – Joking about how they brought O’Brien in as a replacement, they mention that the two guys they wanted before him went on to create Martin and NewsRadio. The guy they settled on turned out to be a fantastically accomplished late night host. The talent density of this show cannot be overstated. 1:15 – They’re joking that for O’Brien’s first three weeks at the show, they made him do nothing but rewrites and never let him out of the office. O’Brien, who’s usually talk-show peppy on these kind of things just says, “Yeah”, in a genuinely defeated voice. 2:30 – Jean: “For some reason, we had a Sylvester Stallone hand puppet.” Of course they did. 3:30 – The previous comment got O’Brien started about what a comedy weirdo he is. It’s still happening. 4:15 – The B-plot was originally going to be Homer in court for hitting Don Rickles after being insulted at a show. It died when Rickles passed on doing the voice. Bullet? Dodged. 4:40 – Groening was at a FOX event where Rickles was introduced to him by Rupert fucking Murdoch, and Rickles was apparently seriously pissed about the script. He thought they were stealing his act. 5:45 – Reiss points out that they’ve always kinda had trouble with “older people” as guest voices. 7:00 – Third hand performance advice: O’Brien had Jerry Lewis tell him something that Stan Laurel had told him: “Tell the audience what you’re going to do, then do it, but then tell them it has been done.” 7:20 – Jean follows up by joking that he got the same advice from Johnny Carson, but his conclusion was, “Tell them what you did.” 8:05 – Amid further discussion of late night comedy tips, someone (might be Reiss) asks, “Why does this Afghani have horns?”: Heh. I never noticed that before. 9:30 – They’re discussing the origin of this B-plot, and a failed story they ditched (O’Brien says “threw it out.”). What did they throw out? A story about Homer being a talented hair dresser. Simon apparently killed it. Fuck you, Zombie Simpsons. 10:30 – O’Brien starts telling a story about a script he had to rewrite, but stops when he doesn’t want to out the writers, so he saves it by…
Quote of the Day
“Bart! Aw, you remembered my birthday!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson “Huh? . . . Oh, I sure did! Here’s a bus schedule.” – Bart Simpson “Wow! Fits right in my pocket.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson Happy birthday Matt Groening!
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“Hey, sometimes a guy just likes his skin to look its yellowest.” – Bart Simpson Happy birthday Gabor Csupo! [Edited to remove redundant word. Whoops.]
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“Good luck on your trumped up lawsuit, Dad.” – Lisa Simpson “Thanks. That means a lot to me.” – Homer Simpson
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“I actually had some doubts about moving to Springfield, especially after that Time cover story, ‘America’s Worst City’.” – Ruth Powers “You can see our house in that photo!” – Marge Simpson Happy birthday Conan O’Brien!
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Image used under Creative Commons license from the awesomely named ilovebutter. “Mrs. Simpson, isn’t it true your husband once consumed a ten pound bag of flour when no other food was available?” – Lawyer “Yes, but it was-” – Marge Simpson “Your witness!” – Lawyer
Halloween Hangover
“Could you please take in your jack-o-lanterns from past Halloweens.” – Mrs. Winfield Halloween has come and gone, and all across America jack-o-lanterns are slowly decaying before their inevitable trip to the garbage dump or compost heap. (As I type this, two of them are sitting on my front steps, likely being nibbled at by squirrels.) Of course, no Halloween would be complete without some Treehouse of Horror, and we here at the Dead Homer Society aren’t the only ones who think so. First up is this excellent rundown of the best and worst Simpsons Halloween segments that our old friend Andreas from Pussy Goes Grrr posted in the comments to last week’s Reading Digest. He watched every Treehouse of Horror episode and has reported back from the wars: Pretty much everything after season 9 or so gets pretty mediocre, but a few late-season segments stand out as utterly abominable. Generally, it’s because they 1) think that “scary” means “has endless, meaningless bloodshed”; 2) think that “no rules” means “none of it needs any internal logic whatsoever”; and 3) they just aren’t funny, at all. His examples of abominableness are truly abominable: “The Fright to Creep and Scare Harms,” though, is somehow worse, beginning with its pun clusterfuck of a title, and continuing through its non sequitur-laced storyline. Lisa doesn’t know Billy the Kid’s real name? Billy the Kid opposed gun violence in his epitaph? Lisa can ban weapons, just like in Treehouse of Horror II, except now she doesn’t need the monkey’s paw? Cowboys can come back to life of their volition? Five gun-toting skeletons is all it takes to conquer Springfield, and that merits using a time machine? Jesus, it’s just so bad, and negligible as entertainment. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing. Of course, lots of other bloggers put fingers to keyboards over the Halloween weekend. This next one is from a blog I just found called “Simpsons Reviews”. It’s very generous towards Zombie Simpsons while still acknowledging that the old ones are better. The list is pretty good, and of the top ten segments there’s only one entry from Zombie Simpsons: 8. Dial M for Murder, Or Press # to Return to Menu (THoH XX) Okay, this may surprise you with this selection, but I really loved this one. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a huge Alfred Hitchcock fan, I feel that he’s the best director of all time (But that’s just my opinion). This segment takes some great plot elements of his works and melts them together into a pretty good story. If you’ve stopped watching the show for a while, I’d say give this segment a chance, it’s much better though if you can spot each Hitchcock reference in the segment. The problem isn’t that they’re referencing Hitchcock scenes, the problem is that all they’re doing is referencing Hitchcock scenes. Citing things isn’t the same as parodying them. In that segment they literally ran through a bunch of Hitchcock shots –…
Quote of the Day
“Please, don’t take the steam tray. Sir!” – Frying Dutchman Cook
Crazy Noises: The Bob Next Door
“Set sail for the Frying Dutchman!” – Captain McAllister “Aye-aye, captain!” – Homer Simpson In our continuing mission to bring you only the finest in low class, low brow, and low tech internet Simpsons commentary we’re bringing back our “Crazy Noises” series and applying it to Season 21. Because doing a podcast smacks of effort we’re still using this “chatroom” thing that all the middle schoolers and undercover cops seem to think is so cool. This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “camouflaged”). The above quote and image have almost nothing to do with the discussion below. I just wanted to put it next to this: And, of course, I could’ve also put it next to Gulp-n-Blow, the Buzzing Sign Diner, the Who’s To Know Motel, or any of the other funny and clever establishment names the The Simpsons came up with when it was still on the air. The low give-a-shit level is one of the few constants of Zombie Simpsons, and it shines through in every single episode. Mad Jon: Let’s do this so I can kill the taste with beer and Halo. Charlie Sweatpants: Can I point something horrible out? Mad Jon: You sure can Charlie Sweatpants: "I’m the real Walt Warren", was I the only one who got a massive flashback to perhaps the most famous Zombie Simpsons moment ever, the Armin Tamzarian reveal? Mad Jon: Every moment of that episode was a direct ripoff of another episode. It wasn’t even camouflaged Charlie Sweatpants: Of all the horrible plot twists and stupidities you’d think they’d never bring back . . . Dave: I’ve long since repressed Armin Tamzarian, but I see your point Charlie Sweatpants: Half of this episode was recycled. Mad Jon: I would say more than that. Charlie Sweatpants: That was just the one part that was recycled from a shitty episode. Dave: Recycled, repurposed, and incredibly dull. Mad Jon: Everything from the Flanders family to the five corners to the feet revelation and everything in between was already done. AND Mad Jon: They had the gall to mention the writer’s creativity. Charlie Sweatpants: When did they do that? Mad Jon: There was a joke that made reference to crushing creativity that made me choke, but I think I have blocked out the actual quote… Charlie Sweatpants: I’ll take your word for it, verifying it would mean watching this again and that would retard my efforts to forget it completely. Mad Jon: You’re better off not trying to figure it out. Charlie Sweatpants: I agree completely. I’m also not going to try to figure out how they thought the face coming off thing was funny twice. Mad Jon: The only thing that made me crack a smile other than the occasional thought of suicide was the joke in the beginning about another family moving to Detroit. And when did Ruth Powers move? Charlie Sweatpants: Enh. Got me, but since when would that matter anyway? Mad Jon: I…
Quote of the Day
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user Wesley Fryer. “My mother’s inside, Mrs. Simpson. Please go right on in.” – Laura Powers “Oh, you speak so politely to adults.” – Marge Simpson “My upbringing was painfully strict, ma’am.” – Laura Powers “That’s sweet.” – Marge Simpson
DHS Editorial: The Future of Conan O’Brien
“They’re so sweet when you marry them, but soon it’s just career, career, career.” – Ruth Powers The National Broadcasting Company has, with characteristic heavy handedness, managed to finally resolve its surfeit of late night comedians. The outcome that was being speculated about from the time of the announcement of Jay Leno’s 10pm show has come to pass. The immediate results of the recent brouhaha are fairly clear. NBC has embarrassed itself on a scale hitherto unprecedented in the annals of American broadcasting. In the process it managed to make a modern day folk hero out of a man to whom it’s been forced to pay a massive eight figure buyout. That is no small feat. The initial cost of that buyout and the smaller severance packages being paid to less famous employees has been reported at $45,000,000. The damages to the brands, of NBC, “The Tonight Show”, and Mr. Leno himself, are as yet unknown. The Dead Homer Society has no official position on who is a better late night host, Conan O’Brien or Jay Leno. Neither is capable of lifting a 1987 Buick Skylark over his head. And while the future of Mr. Leno on NBC seems assured, the future of Mr. O’Brien is the subject of heavy speculation. As there are four major American networks and three of them already employ late night hosts much of that speculation has centered on the one that doesn’t: FOX. And while we heartily endorse Mr. O’Brien’s return to that widely acknowledged bastion of quality television, it is not in the capacity which so many others seem to think him destined. The Dead Homer Society hereby nominates Conan O’Brien for the head position at the show that genuinely launched his career: The Simpsons. For many years now it has been plain to all that whatever creative energy once powered that august program has long since utterly dissipated. Not only has Mr. O’Brien not lost his creative spark, but with his comedic stature and gold plated Simpsons reputation he may be the only man who could, in some genuine way, resuscitate The Simpsons. Such a move would obviously come with its own drama. The show’s current hierarchy is no doubt well entrenched, legally and organizationally. But it is an opening with considerably greater potential than becoming the fourth late night host in a country that seems to do just fine with three. Mr. O’Brien has already proved his dexterity behind and before the camera, and a season or two spent energizing a famous but moribund franchise would do nothing but burnish his sterling entertainment industry credentials.
Quote of the Day
“I am thinking you like this girl, yes?” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “How did you know?” – Bart Simpson “My ceiling mirrors and video cameras sometimes see more than who is about to shoot me.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
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“Mr. Simpson, my husband and I have decided to move.” – Mrs. Winfield “Gonna run out the clock in Florida, eh?” – Homer Simpson