“Gentlemen, I give you Britannia! Gambling with all the glitz and glamour of the British Isles! And, best of all, the waitresses and showgirls are all real Brits! Fresh from the streets of Sussex, they are.” – British Guy “Freshen your drink, gov’nor?” – Sussex Girl
Tag: $pringfield
Quote of the Day
“Now, at the risk of being unpopular, this reporter places the blame for all of this squarely on you, the viewers.” – Kent Brockman
Quote of the Day
“Bah! To Hell with this! Get my razor! Draw a bath! And get these kleenex boxes off my feet!” – C.M. Burns “Certainly, sir. . . .And, uh, the jars of urine?” – Mr. Smithers “Oh, we’ll hang on to those.” – C.M. Burns
Second Makeup Quote of the Day
“I’ll need three ships and fifty stout men. We’ll sail ’round the Horn, and return with spices and silk the likes of which ye have never seen!” – Captain McAllister “We’re building a casino!” – C.M. Burns “Argh, can you give me five minutes.” – Captain McAllister
Quote of the Day
“I’m afraid Robert Goulet hasn’t arrived yet, sir.” – Mr. Smithers “Very well. Begin the thawing of Jim Nabors.” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“Smithers, I’ve designed a new plane! I call it the Spruce Moose, and it will carry two hundred passengers from New York’s Idlewild airport to the Belgian Congo in seventeen minutes!” – C.M. Burns “That’s quite a nice model, sir.” – Mr. Smithers “Model?” – C.M. Burns
Dear Matt Groening, Are You Really Okay With Video Slot Machines?
“Once something has been approved by the government, it’s no longer immoral!” – Reverend Lovejoy Ever since Bartmania back in 1990, FOX has been keen to use licensed merchandise (often of dubious quality) to pad its bottom line on the Simpsons. This can be alarm clocks that eat batteries and can’t be plugged in, drink trays that misquote the show, or a seemingly endless number of “collectible” dolls and figurines. Tchotchkes and t-shirts may be soulless consumerism at its most blatant, but they’re also relatively harmless. The same cannot be said of video slot machines. Video slots are (as those of you who’ve read my little ebook about The Simpsons: Tapped Out will already be aware) rigged games that are built to ensnare and bankrupt people. If you want to understand why and how, I can’t recommend Addiction By Design by Natasha Dow Schull strongly enough. But the very short version is that by employing sophisticated and well tested psychological concepts, slot machine companies can create a “game” to which some players will become medically addicted. So while most people who elect to play the machine will quickly lose a few bucks and then move along, a small percentage will get entranced, with losses running to tens of thousands of dollars and potential destitution, not to mention plenty of life ruining side effects (bankruptcy, eviction, etcetera). The gambling industry goes out of its way to obscure this by offering token sops to gambling addiction programs and talking about “responsible gaming”, but the simple fact of the matter is that a huge percentage of their revenue comes from people who are diagnostically addicted. In other words: most of their money comes from inducing, exploiting, and fostering an illness. And now Matt Groening is joining them. I’m singling out Groening for a reason. He supposedly has some influence or control over what gets licensed and what doesn’t. In the past, it’s been widely reported that he resisted licensing a real life Duff beer since the show remains (nominally) for children. The oft cited phrase (which I’ve seen countless times myself) is: Groening has said he considered giving permission to make the beer a few years ago but pulled back over concern that it would encourage kids to drink. That comes from a site called Joe Sixpack, and it’s the citation on the Wikipedia article about Duff Beer. Near as Google can tell me, that Joe Sixpack link and the Wikipedia article are the direct or indirect sources for that same quote everywhere else on-line, from the British newspaper The Telegraph to pop culture site The Mary Sue. Given such poor sourcing, I don’t know whether or not Groening ever actually shot down an official Duff license (I kinda think he mentioned it on a commentary once, but can’t find a source), but it does seem like the kind of thing he would say. Of course, Duff is now a reality at both Universal Studio theme parks, but serving watery beer to tourists is a far cry from jamming casinos with deliberately addictive…
Quote of the Day
“Pipe down, sister. I gotta book a new act for tonight! Turns out that Liza Minnelli impersonator was really Liza Minnelli.” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I propose that I use what’s left of the town treasury to move to a more prosperous town and run for mayor. And, once elected, I will send for the rest of you.” – Mayor Quimby
Quote of the Day
“I’ll design it myself, I know what people like! It’s got to have sex appeal and a catchy name.” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“The city’s even in the celebrity business. Everyone knows Professor Rubbermouth hails from Springfield.” – News on Parade Narrator
Gamblor On Your Phone
“Marge, I want you to admit you have a gambling problem.” – Homer Simpson “You know, you’re right, Homer. Maybe I should get some professional help.” – Marge Simpson “No, no, that’s too expensive. Just don’t do it anymore.” – Homer Simpson Any time I start writing a post for this site, I can never be sure just how long it’s going to end up. Sometimes, I’ll think I’ve got some big post that’s gonna take awhile, only to find myself done much quicker and shorter than I thought. Other times, I’ll figure I’ve got a nice compact idea for a Compare & Contrast, that I’ll just knock out a few hundred words in forty-five minutes or so. Two hours later I’m staring at some sixteen hundred word monstrosity and I have no idea how the hell it happened. Some posts just sprawl on me. Well, I’m here today with the all time grand champion of sprawled posts. What I originally thought would be a quick and dirty post about The Simpsons: Tapped Out has ended up as a fat, 10,000 word ebook called, “Tapped In: How EA Combined The Simpsons with Video Gambling to Make $130 Million (and counting)“. Here is the table of contents: 1 – Quarters, Dollars, and Credit Cards: The Games We Pay 2 – Designing Addictively Rigged Games for Fun and Profit 3 – Chips vs. Brains and Machines vs. People: We Don’t Stand a Chance 4 – Domesticating the Beast: Video Gambling to Video Gaming 5 – Training the Beast: Fixing Mechanical Problems and Increasing Flow 6 – The Infinite Profit Margins of Colored Pixels 7 – Machine Gaming: Greed on a Tilted Playing Field It’s about half as long as “Zombie Simpsons: How the Best Show Ever Became the Broadcasting Undead“, and just like that one it’s for sale at Amazon for Kindles and Kindle apps. (Also, I appear to have an affinity for long subtitles that start with the word ‘How’.) Since it’s much shorter and took much less time, the price is a mere $0.99. Purchase from Amazon Just like its predecessor, it will eventually be published in full and for free right here at Dead Homer Society. The first chapter is live now, and a new one will be going up each week until they’re all here. DRM remains stupid and counterproductive; and I remain convinced that giving it away and selling it is the only way to go. So you can read the whole thing right now for Kindle, or just read along over the next few weeks. Either way, I hope you all like it. Click here to read the first chapter.
Quote of the Day
“Are you sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager.” – Robert Goulet “Your manager says for you to shut up.” – Nelson Muntz “Vera said that?” – Robert Goulet
Quote of the Day
“I’ve discovered the perfect business. People swarm in, empty their pockets, and scuttle off. Nothing can stop me now . . . except microscopic germs. But we won’t let that happen, will we Smithers?” – C.M. Burns “Uh, no, sir.” – Mr. Smithers Happy 20th Anniversary to “$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)”! Original airdate: 16 December 1993.
Quote of the Day
“The economic slump began last spring when the government closed Fort Springfield, devastating the city’s liquor and prostitution industries.” – Kent Brockman
Behind Us Forever: Homerland
“Anybody lose their glasses? Last chance. Woo-hoo! The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.” – Homer Simpson “That’s a right triangle, you idiot.” – Guy on Toilet “D’oh!” – Homer Simpson Season 25, here we go: They start the year with their first joke of the season about how lame it is to be on after all these years. That didn’t take long. But the couch gag makes the same joke and does take too long. The Homeland opening credits are well done, but remaking other people’s credit sequences has become something of a time filling specialty for them. Bart’s first line of the year is a direct repeat of Homer’s triangle joke from Season 5, so that really didn’t take long. Between Homer’s suitcase flying open and them all chanting the word “convention” they’ve eaten up a remarkable amount of time with nothing when we get to the hotel. “Good Riddance Shriners” is pretty good, but the signs are about the only part that can retain even a little bit of the character of The Simpsons. As per usual, the show likes to lock itself into a cheap joke and just ride it into the ground: swag, Marge not wanting Patty and Selma (or Wiggum) to say frightful things, Kristen Wiig not being able to go more than one line without switching her behavior completely. Lotta heavy handed musical cues in this one, and that’s before you count the flashbacks. And a lot of MacFarlane style unconnected cutaway jokes: Lisa: This is worse than when he went to New Orleans and came back with a southern accent. [Cut to Lisa remembering Homer in hillbilly clothes and a straw hat while he talks in a drawl.] This scene with Lisa spying on Homer and then, ugh, imitating a cat, is just atrocious. All of her dialogue is unneeded exposition which for some reason Homer can’t hear. Lunatrix – “For Bipolar Disorder” – A goofy drug that makes bipolar people act out isn’t a completely terrible idea, but Zombie Simpsons handling of it is so poor that it’s just insulting, not for what they’re trying to make fun of, but for being that cheap and unimaginative at doing so. I get that they’re working from a spy thriller type show, but the combination of drawn out tension and unbelievably stupid jokes and dialogue (Kristen Wiig’s Claire Danes character can’t get through one line of dialogue without saying something pandering and dumb) is really off putting. I’m sure glad they have a scene where Homer explains everything we’ve already had explained three times so we can relive the hilarity of him passing on beer and kneeling down on a rug. The sitcom-y nature of the writing didn’t improve any over the summer: “There isn’t a prison made that can hold me! Prisons are still made of mud and wattles, right?” [Canned laughter] And we end…
Quote of the Day
“What was I laughing at, now? Oh, yes, that crippled Irishman.” – C.M. Burns
Compare & Contrast: Simpson Family Gambling Problems
“Okay, Marge, let’s go.” – Homer Simpson “I’ll catch up to you.” – Marge Simpson “Marge, I’m taking the car.” – Homer Simpson “I’ll walk.” – Marge Simpson “This late, through the bad neighborhood?” – Homer Simpson “Yeah.” – Marge Simpson “Marge-” – Homer Simpson “Go home, you’re bad luck!” – Marge Simpson “Wait, I see what’s happening here. You’re just mad because everyone in this town loves gambling except for you. Well, that’s just sad.” – Homer Simpson Zombie Simpsons long ago lost all interest in telling stories that are even coherent, much less entertaining or – heaven forefend – actually good. But “Gone Abie Gone” (which is, remarkably, the second time they’ve used that pun in a title in the last three years) manages to stand slightly out for the way that it deliberately neutered and undermined not just one, but both of its main plots. As with many Zombie Simpsons episodes, it’s not entirely clear which story, Grampa’s nonsensical extended flashback or Lisa’s newfound love of on-line poker, is actually the A-plot. In Grampa’s favor is a slight edge in screen time, two of the three guest voices, and the title. In Lisa’s favor is the way her story actually mattered for the entire episode, the fact that it managed to not completely go against everything we know about a long established character, and the way it almost, kinda tried to make sense. Regardless of which plot takes the crown, it is Lisa’s gambling problem that lends itself to the most direct comparison, namely to Marge’s slot jockey habit in Season 5’s masterful “$pringfield” (though there’s no shortage of times we’ve flashed back to Grampa’s past in ways far superior to this). While both stories involve Simpsons getting hooked into costly and mathematically disadvantageous games of chance, the similarities end there. Lisa’s story is isolated, incoherent and, ultimately, completely consequence free. Marge’s, on the other hand, is woven into the rest of the episode, actually makes sense, and has an ending that doesn’t make you wonder what the hell just happened. Like Lisa’s poker problem, Marge planting herself in front of a slot machine isn’t the main focus of the episode. But where Lisa’s poker playing exists in a vacuum that has no bearing on any other events, Marge’s seduction by the spinning wheels and shiny lights is crucial to the resolution of the rest of the episode. It’s her inattention to her family that leads directly to Homer’s crazed search for her, which in turn leads Mr. Burns back to his beloved nuclear plant. Hey, look, one plot actually affecting a different one. Huh. But the integration of Marge’s story into the larger framework of what’s happening goes beyond competent storytelling, it also allows the show to make deeper and darker jokes about gambling than anything Zombie Simpsons could hope to convey. “$pringfield” sees Marge get called out for self-destructive by Barney, her spouse hilariously misunderstand what’s occurring (including being happy that his wife has netted…
Quote of the Day
“Scott, things aren’t as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors; useful people are starting to feel the pinch.” – Kent Brockman “I haven’t been able to find a job in six years.” – Barney Gumble “And what training do you have?” – Kent Brockman “Five years of modern dance; six years of tap.” – Barney Gumble
Quote of the Day
“Excuse me, ma’am, don’t you think you’ve gambled enough?” – Mr. Smithers “No.” – Marge Simpson “Okay. We’re required by law to ask every seventy-five hours. Get her another free drink.” – Mr. Smithers