“Bart Simpson, you’re late. Go fill out a tardy slip.” – Mrs. Krabappel “But I’m only, five, ten, twenty . . . forty minutes! That’s pretty damn late.” – Bart Simpson A number of people sent in links, ideas and actual content this week, but I’m afraid I didn’t have time to get to it. On top of that, I’m several owed e-mails deep. In lieu of all that better stuff, here’s some other internet content. Sure it’s shorter than usual, but it’s also massively late in the day, so I’ve got both halves of “too little, too late” covered.…
Tag: Bart the Murderer
Monday Evening Cartoons
“Hey, I like this kid. I can’t believe we we’re gonna shoot him.” – Fat Tony As part of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day that opens this episode, Bart eventually falls down some concrete stairs, only to have a halo of guns surround his head. His ultimate fate is decided in court, on charges of murder; in between he is in various forms of serious jeopardy. But no matter how many times guns are jammed in his face or adults scheme his false conviction, the story is never played for tension or suspense. This extends to Bart’s…
Quote of the Day
“What’s that guy doing here?” – Bart Simpson “Lionel Hutz, court appointed attorney. I’ll be defending you on the charge of, murder one? Wow, even if I lose I’ll be famous!” – Lionel Hutz
Crazy Noises: Judge Me Tender
“Your Honor, the prosecution moves that Principal Skinner’s testimony be stricken from the record.” – Prosecutor “Denied!” – Judge Snyder In our continuing mission to bring you only the finest in low class, low brow, and low tech internet Simpsons commentary we’re bringing back our “Crazy Noises” series and applying it to Season 21. Because doing a podcast smacks of effort we’re still using this “chatroom” thing that all the middle schoolers and undercover cops seem to think is so cool. This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “DeGeneres”). One of the few good jokes from…
Quote of the Day
“Princess Opal?” – Chief Wiggum “I see nothing here. But I’m afraid it’s splitsville for Delta Burke and Major Dad.” – Princess Opal “But they seem so happy.” – Chief Wiggum Happy birthday Jo Ann Harris!
Reading Digest: Excuses Edition
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user Kyle Kesselring. “You ate my homework? I didn’t know dogs really did that.” – Bart Simpson This week’s Reading Digest is shorter than most, but I have two and a half excuses. The first is that for some reason the “Simpsons” tag on WordPress isn’t working correctly, and I often get several links from there. The other one and a half excuses are the fact that we are sitting in between two talked about Zombie Simpsons episodes. Last week they had two guest stars and one of them was playing…
Quote of the Day
“Me and the boys wish to thank you for hanging on to this stuff for us.” – Fat Tony “Thanks. Uh, say, are you guys crooks?” – Bart Simpson “Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?” – Fat Tony “No.” – Bart Simpson “Well suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?” – Fat Tony “Unh-uh.” – Bart Simpson “And, what if your family don’t like bread, they like cigarettes?” – Fat Tony “I guess that’s okay.” – Bart Simpson…
“Insane Clown Poppy” Makes Baby Jesus Cry
“Sorry Fat Tony, I used to think your game was cool. But now I’ve learned that crime doesn’t pay.” – Bart Simpson “Yeah, you’re right.” – Fat Tony This is a terrible episode. As is often the case in Season 12 there’s a mildly coherent idea, Krusty has a daughter he didn’t know about, that degenerates into incoherence when Homer and Krusty have to break into a mob summit meeting to steal back a violin that they mob had because . . . ah hell, you can’t even summarize this episode without babbling on like an idiot. You know what…
Quote of the Day
“Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer and I am the . . . uh, what cures cancer?” – Chief Wiggum
Synergy Flunks Math
The IGN review for this week’s four part Zombie Simpsons clusterfuck is the first one they’ve put up since I’ve been doing these synergy posts that isn’t a rave. To be sure, it’s pretty gentle criticism, but it’s not a glowing review and that’s a first. What puzzles me, however, is the fact that the episode still garners a rating of 6.2. 6.2! When the review considers only one of four segments to be good, shouldn’t that be more like a 2.5, or, if you’re rounding up, a 3? What, precisely, is the point of having a scale go from…
Friday Link Dump – Stamps Edition
“Oh, licking envelopes can be fun; all you have to do is make a game of it.” – Principal Skinner “What kind of game?” – Bart Simpson “Well, for example, you could see how many you can lick in an hour, and then try to break that record.” – Principal Skinner “Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.” – Bart Simpson “Yes . . . well . . . get started.” – Principal Skinner I’m pretty apathetic about the Simpsons being on stamps, but it’s all the rage on the internet this week. Also, there’s some good commenter…