“Welcome, welcome, welcome to an evening of exciting quarter mile action, action, action. Our first race is a benefit for daredevil Lance Murdoch, Murdoch, Murdoch! Who’s hospitalized with cirrhosis of the liver, liver, liver!
Tag: Homer the Smithers
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Mr. Burns, this was all my fault.” – Mr. Smithers “Don’t concern yourself. If things had turned ugly, I always had my mace.” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“Uh, Mr. Smithers, I don’t understand 2700 of my new duties.” – Homer Simpson “Well, the van’s leaving. Which one duty is giving you the most trouble?” – Mr. Smithers “Um, what do I do in case of fire?” – Homer Simpson “Sorry. Can’t hear you. Bye!” – Mr. Smithers “Aww, just my luck.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Uh, hello. You have a help wanted sign on the window.” – Mr. Smithers “Yeah, I need someone to help me with the midnight beer delivery. Your job is to distract Barney until it’s safely off the truck.” – Moe “I’ll just wait out back until then.” – Mr. Smithers “I look forward to working with you!” – Barney Gumble
Quote of the Day
“I’ll have my lunch, now: a single pillow of shredded wheat, some steamed toast, and a dodo egg.” – C.M. Burns “But I think the dodo went extinct.” – Homer Simpson “Get going! And answer those phones, install a computer system, and rotate my office so the window faces the hills.” – C.M. Burns “Uh-huh, uh-huh, okay . . . um, can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the things?” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Lousy two-legged pants.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I’ll be fine! I’m sure your replacement will be able to handle everything. Who is he, anyway?” – C.M. Burns “Homer Simpson, sir, one of your organ banks from sector 7-G. All the recent events of your life have revolved around him in some way.” – Mr. Smithers “Simpson, eh?” – C.M. Burns Happy 20th Anniversary to “Homer the Smithers”! Original airdate 25 February 1996.
Quote of the Day
“Welcome, welcome, welcome to an evening of exciting quarter mile action, action, action! Our first race is a benefit for daredevil Lance Murdock, Murdock, Murdock, who’s hospitalized with cirrhosis of the liver, liver, liver!” – Springfield Dragway Announcer
Quote of the Day
“Smithers, this beer isn’t working. I don’t feel any younger or funkier.” – C.M. Burns “I’ll switch to the table spoon, sir.” – Mr. Smithers
Quote of the Day
“This novelty foam hand is ludicrously oversized. Go swap it for a smaller one.” – C.M. Burns “It is a bit ostentatious, sir. I’ll be right back.” – Mr. Smithers Happy birthday Harry Shearer!
Quote of the Day
“We’re going to have to put a steel rod where your spine was.” – Dr. Hibbert “Will I ever move a piano again?” – Mr. Smithers “Oh, my goodness gracious, no.” – Dr. Hibbert
Reading Digest: Harry Shearer Speaks Between the Lines Edition
“What did Simpson do to you?” – Mr. Smithers “Oh, nothing other than drive me to distraction with his incompetent boobery. Terrible at everything! A complete moron . . . but I’m not really free to talk right now.” – C.M. Burns Thanks to Freedom Day tomorrow, it’s a short week and nobody’s spent much of it on the internet, so this is a very short Reading Digest. And since big holidays are always some of our lowest traffic moments of the year, I thought I’d bump it to today. There’s the usual collection of usage, some fan made stuff, and a little graffiti, but my favorite link is the last one, with some wonderfully circumspect words from the man himself, Harry Shearer. Enjoy. That Disastrous Car Homer Simpson Designed Was Actually Ahead of Its Time – This is a very misleading headline since most of the article explains how things in the Homer didn’t actually come true, but it’s a nice little comparison nonetheless. Booze Geek News Special: Duff Beer To Launch Across The USA – Apparently, some kind of Duff is coming here to the States. Also, this should give you an idea of how insanely convoluted this all is: In Germany, a brewery in Hessen, brews a Duff Beer distributed in many European countries and in Australia from 2011. They applied for a trademark in Europe but were successfully opposed by Fox. Fox tried to establish their own Duff Beer trademark in Europe, but were ruled that a “Beer” logo applied exclusively to non-beer merchandise was misleading. But as a result of the German brand, in France they now have to blur out the “Duff” beer in the Simpsons cartoon so as not to advertise it. Simpsons Trivia – Another fan of Classic Simpsons Trivia, this time in Vancouver. “The Simpsons” Wasted My Youth: Top 15 Episodes, Pt. 1 (15-6) – Excellent list, with no Zombie Simpsons whatsoever and a .gif of Moleman getting hit by football. WWLSR: Season 4-6 – More from the Lisa Simpson Reading project. Illustrator Matt Gondek Exploding Homer Simpson Mural – It’s pretty cool. You can see it and some others at his Instagram page. Low-frills PEOPLExpress Airlines is back in the air after 27 years – Excellent reference: PEOPLExpress, the iconic low-cost airline that Homer Simpson said brought air travel to hicks, is back in business 27 years after it folded, and once again flying out of Newark. Domestic Violence Campaign Sees Your Favourite Cartoon Characters Battered And Bruised – The same guy who did those Kanye West and Kim Kardashian drawings a few weeks ago is back with Marge, Wilma Flintstone, and a few other famous cartoon women sporting bloody noses and black eyes. I don’t know if this is effective in the least at reducing domestic violence, but it is kinda creepy. Redeemer: The Life of Jimmy Carter, Part 1 – Excellent Jimmy Carter usage: Without Marge’s famous marshmallow squares to sell, Springfield’s Beautify Our Parks Bake Sale falls short of its goal, forcing the town to purchase a statue of…
Quote of the Day
“Ahoy ahoy? . . . No, you have the wrong number. This is 5246. I suspect you need more practice working your telephone machine.” – C.M. Burns
Reading Digest: Must Be Labor Day Edition
“Now look, stop calling me and start enjoying your vacation. Remember, I want to see lots of pictures when you get back.” – C.M. Burns “Uh, actually sir, picture taking is not allowed at this particular resort. Oop, I gotta now. There’s a line forming behind me.” – Mr. Smithers There are only two really slow periods for the internet during the year, the Christmas-New Year’s holiday gauntlet when all the big media companies are basically shut down for everything except really important breaking news, and late August when, for reasons of warm weather vacation, they do the same thing. The biggest Simpsons story on-line this week, by a mile, was the official grand opening of the new and expanded Simpsons area at that theme park in Florida. Since it’s been piecemeal open for months now, that should give you a good idea of just how slow things are. However, we do have tons of excellent usage, a supposedly widespread rumor I’d never heard before, a couple of testimonials about how people experience the show, the varying supervillain qualities of Elon Musk, and Officer Mahoney himself, Steve Guttenberg. Enjoy. There’s an Unaired ‘Simpsons’ Episode Where Bart Dies? – There isn’t. But the story behind the rumor that there is – a rumor which I don’t think I’ve ever heard or read – is rather interesting: So if Matt Groening and the staff of The Simpsons produced a special one-off episode of the series where Bart Simpson died, it wouldn’t be that shocking. But does such an episode really exist? Comfort shows: television viewing for the soul – On Season 6 (among other things): This season of The Simpsons helped me feel comfortable and took my mind of my worries and troubles. I still get the same calming experience when I re-watch those episodes today. Amen to that. Simpsons co-creator hands out money as he battles cancer with a smile – An AP story about Simon. I couldn’t help but picture “Old Money” at this: "Some people just want a million dollars. Or help with college tuition. And the rest have business propositions," he chortles. "Like that should be my legacy: to lose money on your movie or your moisturizer line. "I’m bedridden," says Simon, milking the scenario for all its tragicomic worth, "weighing whether to dole my money to people lined up outside the house!" As always: Simon rules. Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 60) – Season 6 vs. Season 5, oh cruel fate, why do you mock me? Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 61) – And he mispronounced words that even I know, like ‘abdomen’. Me and Spongebob (caution:not particularly funny) – Excellent usage: “I’ve watered her down as far as she’ll go, I can’t water her no more!” (Willy the grounds keeper from the Simpsons) […] I’m quite strict about what the kids watch on tv, in fact J didn’t even watch TV till he was two. Since then we’ve implemented one simple rule; We don’t let them watch any…
Quote of the Day
“Your new duties will include answering Mr. Burns’ phone, preparing his tax return, moistening his eyeballs, assisting with his chewing and swallowing, lying to Congress, and some light typing.” – Mr. Smithers
Bill Oakley’s Twitter Followers Know What They Like
As of this writing, Bill Oakley has 3,660 followers on Twitter. Last week, he tweeted the following, innocuous Season 7 quote: Since Oakley’s followers (the ones that are real people who actually follow their Twitter feeds, anyway) are fans of the show, they responded with some of their favorite Simpsons-related telephone gags. Here they are (and remember that it’s Twitter, so read bottom to top): According to Twitter, it was twenty-six minutes from Oakley’s initial tweet to the one where he thanks everyone and says he can’t keep up any longer. In that time he retweeted fifteen quotes or references to telephone gags that had been on The Simpsons (including two from our old friend Steve of “In 10 Words”). If you’ve read the tweets then you already know where I’m going with this: not a single one came from after Season 9. Obviously this is not a scientific sample of popular opinion complete with a margin of error. But as an observation of real people interacting with each other it’s very telling. All Oakley had to do was type “Ahoy-hoy?”, and everyone instantly knew that it was a Simpsons telephone gag. He was then bombarded with so many responses in kind that barely an episode’s worth of time later he had to thank everyone as a polite way to ask them to please stop. Every single one of the responses was from episodes thirteen years old or older. In a nutshell, that’s the lasting difference between The Simpsons and Zombie Simpsons. More recent episodes, which in theory should be fresher in people’s minds, have been all but forgotten. But even after more than a decade, the old ones are so good that random strangers on the internet still want to quote them and laugh at them.
Quote of the Day
“Donuts? I told you, I don’t like ethnic food!” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“I’ve got to find a replacement who won’t outshine me. Perhaps if I search the employee evaluations for the word ‘incompetent’ . . . 714 names? Better be more specific: ‘lazy’, ‘clumsy’, ‘dimwitted’, ‘monstrously ugly’ . . . aw nuts to this, I’ll just go get Homer Simpson.” – Mr. Smithers
Quote of the Day
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” – Homer Simpson
Synergy Wants Its Job Back
“Ah, and my dear, dear Smithers, you’re no longer needed at all. You’re fired. Ta.” – C.M. Burns We’re now two episodes into Season 22, and there has been nary a synergistic peep from FOX owned subsidiary IGN. Last year, they “reviewed” the premier before it was even broadcast and had one of their puff pieces up each Monday after a new Zombie Simpsons aired. This year, all they’ve got is the generic description text that FOX puts out, and the episode pages for both new ones do not have a link to a review. This means that the “Synergy” category is getting retired around here. At least until I find another wholly owned FOX subsidiary offering theoretically independent but obviously sycophantic commentary on Zombie Simpsons. Then I might bring it back. For the record, my mockery had nothing to do with this little cancellation. I would’ve been shocked if it did, but IGN was also “reviewing” Family Guy last year, and those appear to have stopped as well. I was going to check on some other shows but they were sending me to click through advertising pages with such frequency that navigating the site was just shy of impossible. They didn’t use to do that. So I’d guess this is general belt tightening over there, which is good because I’d hate to have cost some freelancer part of his ramen noodle budget.