“You mean I get five percent off on everything in the store just because I look like-…I mean, just because I am Krusty the Klown?” – Homer Simpson “How could I charge full price to the man whose lust for filthy magazines kept me in business during that first shaky year. Oh, by the way, here is your new issue of Gigantic Asses.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Tag: Homie the Clown
Quote of the Day
“That’s it! You people have stood in my way long enough! I’m going to clown college!” – Homer Simpson “I don’t think any of us expected him to say that.” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“This year, give her English Muffins . . . whatever you say, Mr. Billboard!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Put five thousand bucks on the Lakers. Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator. My house is dirty, buy me a clean one.” – Krusty the Klown
Quote of the Day
“Pfft, clown college? You can’t eat that.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Hey, it’s Krusty all right. Should I shoot him gangland style or execution style?” – Louie “Listen to your heart.” – Fat Tony
Quote of the Day
“There’s your giraffe, little girl.” – Homer Simpson “I’m a boy!” – Ralph Wiggum “That’s the spirit! Never give up.” – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: Azaria Graduates Edition
“Now, come and get your catskins, uh, I mean sheepskins.” – Krusty the Klown Short reading digest again this week, but we’ve got a couple of great links, including a guy who truly hates Zombie Simpsons, and an amusing YouTube video from Azaria. Enjoy. Hank Azaria gives graduates advice as characters from ‘The Simpsons’ during commencement speech – Azaria is a crowd pleaser, “When in doubt, always pull out the Simpsons voices”: I don’t know if he wrote these or had one of the writers do it, but there are some pretty good ones in here. I particularly liked Apu: “Remember please, children, that in life there is nothing that is not so disgusting that it cannot be sold on a heated roller at a nearly criminal markup.” How the weird internet is keeping The Simpsons exciting – This is an excellent summation of the ways fans have started making their own fun since Zombie Simpsons became boring. Also, this is all true: The Simpsons has been on the air in some form or another for nearly 30 years, and it’s been terrible for twenty. The cartoon’s golden age is perfect television, my favorite TV show of all time, but in terms sheer output the bulk of The Simpsons is bad. When FXX aired a 12-day marathon of every Simpsons episode ever, a solid week of it was unwatchable. Harry Shearer was a hero for recognizing he was old, tired, and had enough money and that the only way to put the show out of its misery was for a core cast member to quit. Unfortunately, the shameless creators really believed they could recast Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, and others like it was no big deal, so Shearer relented. Not too long ago, apropos of nothing, I woke up angry The Simpsons was still on the air. Good lad. A look back at each act featured in The Simpsons’ ‘Homerpalooza’ – Heh: Now: Peter is still writing, recording and touring regularly. The only thing that has really changed is going from having Frampton Comes Alive! go from every parent’s record collection to every grandparent’s record collection. A Walk Through the Musical City of Knoxville – Knoxville will never escape The Simpsons: Knoxville’s famed Sunsphere, a giant gold structure installed in 1982 to herald the World’s Fair, also sits near the edge of World’s Fair Park. In the decades since, the Sunsphere has become a symbol for the whole city. You can take an elevator to an observation deck on one of the Sunsphere’s lower levels, underneath a restaurant and private businesses that occupy the space—and no, none of these businesses is a wig outlet, as The Simpsons might have you believe. Shock as Northern Ireland man solves mystery of the world’s most coveted stamp … but who is he? – Pfft, the airplane’s upside down: Inverted Jennies are so called because they depict a US Mail biplane, erroneously printed upside down, on a 24 cent stamp. One hundred made it into circulation in 1918 after inspectors…
Quote of the Day
“Krusty, in regards to the large wager you made on yesterday’s horse race…” – Fat Tony “Aw, come on, how ’bout letting me go double or nothing on the big opera tonight?” – Krusty the Klown “Who do you like?” – Fat Tony “The tenor!” – Krusty the Klown “Okay. But we’re only letting the bet ride because you crack us so consistently up.” – Fat Tony
Quote of the Day
“Now, when the wealthy dowager comes in, the party’s over, right? Wrong!” – Krusty the Klown “Kill . . . wealthy . . . dowager.” – Homer Simpson
Behind Us Forever: The Yellow Badge of Cowardge
“Gratzi, gratzi, you have brought great joy to this old Italian stereotype.” – Don Vittorio DiMaggio “No, no, Don Vittorio, you’re not-” – Legs “Yes, I am. I know it, I am.” – Don Vittorio DiMaggio If nothing else, “The Yellow Badge of Cowardge” capped off Season 25 with the same brand of forgettable and lackluster nonsense that we’ve come to expect. (Points for consistency, if literally nothing else.) Jokes and childishly simple plot points are explained ad nauseam while the overall story staggers around in a world of dull nonsense. So, for example, near the middle of the episode Homer and the guy who looks and sounds like Don Vittorio DiMaggio but isn’t Don Vittorio DiMaggio drive around with barrels of gunpowder strapped to their car. Despite the fact that we know nothing of consequence is going to happen, the show insists on driving them through a bunch of neighborhoods where everything might explode. It goes on for the better part of a minute and they explain every place they go before they get there. It’s Season 25 (and really all of Zombie Simpsons) in a nutshell: a bad joke that’s explained ahead of time and then run into the ground. – At least the couch gag was short. Didn’t have a couch, but it was short. – Why is Lisa narrating when the first time we see her she’s asleep? – Bart banging pots and pans . . . feels like I’ve seen that before. Also, he explained what he was doing while he was doing it. – “That’s a prison road crew” – Marge, telling us what we’re looking at. – Having had a couple of jokes explained while they were happening, here’s Marge to pre-explain the fire department delivering pizza in a pointless, Family Guy aside. – Narration Lisa is now also pre-explaining the jokes “and run with your leg tied to someone who wouldn’t talk to you all year”. – Cletus, doing the same. – Skinner is getting pelted with eggs. He used to be good at his job. – As is sometimes the case, the sign gags are at least okay. Lewis’s out of office text message was kinda funny. It couldn’t save that extended bit with Chalmers just yelling and mumbling, but it wasn’t terrible. – This whole field day is an excuse for them to jump from one bad idea to another. – Okay, Edwin Moses contemptuously saying that all hurdles are the same size was funny. – The cheese grater abs on Milhouse are kinda gross. – I think Chalmers reciting all the kids names is supposed to be fan service. Getting hard to tell. – Aaaaand, proving once again that they will overuse anything decent, they have Moses jump off a cliff (literally). – Nelson’s here to punch Milhouse. Supposedly he’s there because the bullies don’t want to pay off a bet to Martin (which they would do why, exactly?), but maybe he just wanted Milhouse to stop expositing while he ran.…
Behind Us Forever: Brick Like Me
“George Carlin on three.” – Miss Pennycandy “Yeah? Lawsuit? Oh, come on! My seven words you can’t say on TV bit was entirely different from your seven words you can’t say on TV bit. So I’m a thief, am I? Well, excuse me! . . . Give him ten grand.” – Krusty the Klown “Steve Martin on four.” – Miss Pennycandy “Ten grand.” – Krusty the Klown Let’s get this out of the way first: this is the best they can do and they know it. If the PR machine is to be believed, this episode took two years to make and was very expensive to animate. They bragged about how careful the writing was and how they went the extra mile for this one. They hyped it for weeks and made it their big May sweeps premier. And, indeed, it is better and more memorable than most Zombie Simpsons, but that’s a low bar, and the only really memorable thing about it was the animation. To be fair, the animation was pretty impressive and the episode looked very cool in places. But the writing and execution would’ve been awful even if the vastly superior The Lego Movie wasn’t looming over every terrible line. That movie was written and directed by the guys who did Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 1, 21 Jump Street and the unjustly cancelled Clone High. This episode was written by a guy who started writing for Zombie Simpsons in Season 13 and whose only other IMDb credits in that time are for the justly cancelled Joey. It shows. – And we get right into things with fake self deprecation “It’s not selling out, it’s co-branding! Co-branding!”. – Give them this, it does look nice. – The sign gags are pretty lazy, though: “Brick-E-Mart”, “H&R Brick”, “First Brick of Springfield”, “Brick, Block & Beyond”. – “Hey, these are the monkey’s legs”. Gee, I sure like being told what I’m seeing. – “Hmm, what do you know, I enjoyed playing with you.” Ah, nothing brings us back to the regular reality of Zombie Simpsons faster than characters telling us exactly how they feel. – And now Homer and Lisa are having an expository talk during a flashback. It’s crappy writing within a weak plot device within crappy writing within a weak plot gimmick. – Marge and Homer are sitting at home on the bed and Marge reminds us again that in this world “everything fits with everything else and nobody ever gets hurt”. That’s about the third or fourth time they’ve explained that. – “Oh, brick me!” – Just tallying the “brick” puns is exhausting. – Okay, the increasing sized items on the Love Tester are okay. Not hilarious or anything, but at least they only used the word “brick” once. – So, Bart rebuilt the school and then described everything we saw in it with voiceover. – Lovejoy’s sermon about the beginning of the world is kinda funny (goes on too long, of course, but that’s standard). – This time it’s Flanders: “everything…
Quote of the Day
“Those are supposed to be baggy pants! Baggy!” – Krusty the Klown “I’ve never had a pair of pants that fit this well in my life.” – Homer Simpson
Compare & Contrast: Krusty Franchises His Name
"Alright, so there can only be one Krusty in each territory, so I hope this works out. Tell me where you’re from." – Krusty the Klown "Georgia." – Southern Hick "Texas." – Exaggerated Texan #1 "Uh . . . Brooklyn." – Exaggerated Texan #2 "Russia." – Fur Hatted Russian "New Hampshire." – Stuffy Yankee "Homer!" – Homer Simpson Krusty the Klown is a great symbol of so much that is wrong with the entertainment industry. He long ago shed any last vestige of dignity, then stopped caring about the quality of his show or his merchandise shortly thereafter. He doesn’t particularly like the kids he entertains, treats his staff like crap, and wastes every one of the millions of dollars he earns. As has happened to so many celebrities and entertainers over the years, the act gets stale, the fame cools off, and then the money dries up. Condor egg omelets and cigarettes lit with hundred dollar bills are all well and good right up until you can’t afford them anymore. The Simpsons showed us what would happen to Krusty at this point several times during its run. When his show got run off the air by Gabbo, he fell completely apart but managed a comeback thanks to his years of celebrity contacts. When Bart inadvertently snitched on him for tax avoision, he got back on top with that old standby, insurance fraud. And when his love of horse racing got him in too deep with the mob, he opened a clown college and franchised himself. That last one is relevant because it is the exact same thing that happened this week in "Yellow Subterfuge". Well, almost exact, "Homie the Clown" handles it vastly better, but since it was just the B-plot (and a barely extant one at that) in "Yellow Subterfuge", there are just a few scenes to actually compare. Of those, there are two that stand out as exemplifying the systemic and repeating ways Zombie Simpsons fumbles concepts that worked so well on "The Simpsons". The first is our discovery that Krusty is broke. Going all the way back to Season 1, Krusty and Burns existed in a stratosphere of fame, power, and wealth far above the ordinary citizens of Springfield. This being a television show, they crossed paths with the Simpson family an unusual amount of times, a structurally necessary absurdity that the show began making fun of in Season 4 for Burns ("Last Exit to Springfield", when Burns replies that the name Simpson doesn’t ring a bell after Smithers reminds him of all the things that have already happened) and Season 5 for Krusty ("Bart Gets Famous", when Bart points out all the times he’s helped Krusty after Krusty doesn’t know who he is). It doesn’t make the strictest sense, but neither do people with four fingers and yellow skin, it’s just a part of the show you can have a little fun with. And having fun with it is exactly how The Simpsons brought Krusty…
Reading Digest: Expanding the Krusty Brand Seal of Approval Edition
“I’ll just make some more money. Crank out some cheesy merchandise.” – Krusty the Klown “But you’ve already merchandised everything: Krusty’s Monopoly game, the Krusty crown control barrier.” – Accountant If you’ve noticed an uptick in Simpsons merchandise, including Tapped Out, you’re not imagining things. This is from today’s fourth link: And 20th still feels there’s more coin to collect. This year, 20th has aggressively gone after a slew of new deals to make sure Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie remain popular with existing and new fans worldwide. Universal Studios Orlando added a Springfield-themed area this summer around its existing “Simpsons” ride, with stores and eateries, while 20th also brokered a deal with Lego for “Simpsons” playsets, reunited Bart with Nestle’s Butterfinger in a new marketing campaign and brokered the show’s first shoe deal, with Converse, involving a series of Chuck Taylor All-Stars. That’s after entering the world of high fashion for the first time last year, through a deal with designer Jeremy Scott and a collection at New York Fashion Week and the Joyrich street brand in Japan. They thought that 750 million ($750,000,000) a year was embarrassingly small, and have decided to really get serious. This week we’ve got links to a couple of their new money making adventures, with untold more on the way. In addition to that, we’ve got brain scans, two links to explanations of things unrelated to The Simpsons with Simpsons .gifs, some fan art, quite a bit of usage, and even some usage instruction. Enjoy. 16 Of My Favourite Simpsons Quotes And How To Use Them – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week has quotes, YouTube, and usage suggestions, and it goes almost without saying that there’s no Zombie Simpsons. Crazy Little Thing I Love – Simpsons Quotes Used In Life – Some excellent real life usage in sign form. ‘The Scarlet Letter’ explained in ‘Simpsons’ GIFs – Just what it says, and with the added bonus that none of them are from Zombie Simpsons. ‘The Simpsons’ Merchandise 20th Century Fox TV’s Biggest Moneymaker – This is from Variety, so take it with a grain of salt, but that FOX is openly acknowledging this does not surprise me: The Fox division hopes to fan interest in “Simpsons” merchandise as ratings for the show decline, and it sees opportunities like a themed area in theme parks as one way to do that. “Fans will literally be able to live and breathe Springfield as they visit the statue of Jebediah, enjoy a Krusty Burger, and have a seat at Moe’s Tavern,” Godsick says of Orlando. I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, but when FOX thinks about the future of Zombie Simpsons their primary concern is how it affects the merchandising. That they still have a television show on the air is almost and afterthought at this point. Universal puts guests on couch with Simpsons – Speaking of that theme park: In an open-air booth in the park’s Springfield section,…
Quote of the Day
“I’m telling you Marge, this’ll work. They’ll think I’m Krusty and give us free stuff. I’ve been getting free stuff all day! Look at this swell bucket of house paint, look at it!” – Homer Simpson “I’m not saying it won’t work, I’m just saying it’s dishonest.” – Marge Simpson “Well if we agree, then why are we arguing?” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Ah, there’s nothing better than a cigarette . . . unless it’s a cigarette lit with a hundred dollar bill!” – Krusty the Klown [Note: Sorry for the late QotD.]
Quote of the Day
“These Krusty-brand balloons are three bucks each. But get a cheap one, and what happens? Goes off! Takes out the eyeballs of every kid in the room! What’s that gonna cost you? Hey, Bill, what did that cost us?” – Krusty the Klown
Quote of the Day
“Let me get this straight, you took all the money you made franchising your name and bet it against the Harlem Globetrotters?” – Accountant “Oh, I thought the Generals were due! He’s spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it! Take the ball! That game was fixed. They were using a freaking ladder for God’s sakes.” – Krusty the Klown
Compare & Contrast: Mob Boss Endings
“I am-a confused.” – Don Vittorio DiMaggio Given its manic-depressive pacing and weird four-segment structure, it’s not always easy to tell when Zombie Simpsons is moving from one act to another. It has a tendency to meander and stutter step its way through what can only generously be called a story, tossing off things that may or may not be jokes along the way. For example, take what was supposed to be the second act of “The Falcon and the D’Ohman”. When we come back from the first commercial break, Jack Bauer is having dinner with the Simpsons at their dining room table. This leads to the extended training flashback, which leads to the Taiwanese CGI retelling of what we already saw in the first segment, which leads to another flashback of Bauer beating people up (in this case, his old boss). That leads to Homer’s flash-forward and Homer inviting Bauer to come and stay with them. Huh? He started the segment at the Simpsons home, and it ends with him being invited back, which means when we come back from the second commercial break the first shot is of Bauer back in the same location he was at after the first break. Nor is the third segment any more coherent. It ends with Homer being kidnapped by a Ukrainian mob boss we had not seen until one minute prior. The fourth segment/third act is basically an extended action sequence (though they did work in two more flashbacks) to tie up a conflict that had been introduced less than a minute before the second act ended. Again: huh? Hello. We’re two thirds through this, who the hell are you? This isn’t Zombie Simpsons rejecting conventional storytelling wholesale to do something completely different. It isn’t even subverting or playing around with the standard three act formula. They have a regular old three act story, they just execute it really poorly. The result is a hot mess of flashbacks and a supposedly main conflict that gets introduced about six seconds before the third act begins. As it happens, a vengeful mob boss had kidnapped Homer once before. Like “The Falcon and the D’Ohman”, Homer gets tossed in the back of a car so the episode can get resolved. Unlike “The Falcon and the D’Ohman”, the kidnapping was set up right from the first scene of the episode and was integral to its conclusion. In Season 6’s “Homie the Clown”, the story begins with Krusty having money problems. Not only that, but Fat Tony and his crew appear just over a minute into the episode precisely because Krusty is deeply in hock to them. Krusty’s debt – introduced right there in Act 1 – drives the entire thing. It’s what forces him to open the clown college, which is what allows Homer to become a clown, which is why the mob mistakes Homer for Krusty at the end of Act 2. So when “Homie the Clown” gets to its final segment there’s no…