“Alright, now all we need is a name.” – Lisa Simpson “How ’bout Blabbermouth: The Jerky Doll For Jerks?” – Bart Simpson “How ’bout Minerva, after the Roman goddess of wisdom.” – Lisa Simpson “Not enough commercial appeal.” – Stacy Lovell “Wendy Windbag? Ugly Doris? Hortense the Muleface Doll!” – Bart Simpson “I think we should name her after Lisa. We’ll call her Lisa Lionheart.” – Stacy Lovell “No, Loudmouth Lisa! Stupid Lisa Garbageface! I can’t stand this any longer, somebody please pat attention to me!” – Bart Simpson
Tag: Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy
Quote of the Day
“I’m thirsty. Eww, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh, look at that one!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Though it was unusual to spend twenty-eight minutes reporting on a doll, this reporter found it impossible to stop talking. It’s just really fascinating news, folks. Good night. . . . Oh, and the President was arrested for murder, more on that tomorrow night or you can turn to another channel. . . . Oh, do not turn to another channel.” – Kent Brockman
Quote of the Day
“Change what she says. It’s your company.” – Lisa Simpson “Not since I was forced out in 1974. They said my way of thinking just wasn’t cost effective.” – Stacy Lovell “That’s awful.” – Lisa Simpson “Well, that, and I was funneling profits to the Vietcong.” – Stacy Lovell
Quote of the Day
“Holy smokes, that’s it! From now on I’m thinking, acting, and looking young! And I’m gonna start with a bottle of Buzz cola! . . . Ow! The bubbles are burning my tongue!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Quote of the Day
“That’s it! I’m calling the company.” – Lisa Simpson “Hello, you have reached the Malibu Stacy customer service center. If you have a complaint about Malibu Stacy’s appearance or odor, press one. If you’ve given Malibu Stacy a haircut and need to order a replacement head, press two.” – Malibu Stacy Customer Service Recording
Quote of the Day
“Look, Achy Breaky Stacy for a dollar ninety-nine!” – Little Girl #1 “Live from the Improv Stacy’s only eighty-nine cents!” – Little Girl #2 “Ewww.” – Little Girls
Quote of the Day
“A hush falls over the General Assembly as Stacy approaches the podium to deliver what will no doubt be a stirring and memorable address.” – Lisa Simpson “I wish they taught shopping in school.” – Talking Malibu Stacy
Quote of the Day
“It’s awful being a kid, no one listens to you.” – Lisa Simpson “It’s rotten being old, no one listens to you.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson “I’m a white male, age 18-49, everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.” – Homer Simpson
Primetime Cartoons: Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy
“Mom! We can go on the factory tour and I can complain in person!” – Lisa Simpson “Honey, you’re not going to throw red paint at the executives, are you? The Keebler people were very upset.” – Marge Simpson Welcome to tonight’s open thread, or live blog, or live watch, or whatever it is we’re doing for the Season 5 episode “Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy”. The comment section is open, the Twitter hashtag is #NewHat, and feel free to quote things as you see fit. Also, please tell us, during or after, how you think we can improve this. As I said earlier in the week, I really don’t know how this wants to work or what I’m doing. But it seems like there’s enough Simpsons fans on-line that watching together should be more fun than watching apart, and suggestions are welcome. Now let’s forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream. Edit 9:00pm: Well, that was fun. It was a controlled disaster, but first times of anything usually are. (I’m reminded of Jay Sherman reminiscing about “the agony of my first public shower”.) Dave and I got way out of sync on Twitter, I foolishly thought my wireless would be fine if I sat out in the yard instead of closer to the hub (it died with about three minutes to go), I got started late because I had to reboot my laptop, and running these episodes with no commercials makes quoting and commenting on the fly hard to do. On the other hand, I got to watch The Simpsons, which I am pretty much never unhappy about. Thanks to those who watched and commented along, here and on Twitter, and we’ll try this again next week.
Quote of the Day
“Trust in yourself and you can achieve anything.” – Lisa Lionheart “You know, if we get through to just that one little girl, it’ll all be worth it.” – Lisa Simpson “Yes, particularly if that little girl happens to pay forty-six thousand dollars for that doll.” – Stacy Lovell “What?” – Lisa Simpson “Oh nothing. Kudos to you, Lisa. Kudos.” – Stacy Lovell Happy 20th Anniversary to “Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy”! Original airdate 17 February 1994.
Quote of the Day
“Lisa, ordinarily I’d say you should stand up for what you believe in, but you’ve been doing that an awful lot lately.” – Marge Simpson “Yeah, you made us march in that gay rights parade.” – Bart Simpson “And we can’t watch FOX cause they own those chemical weapons plants in Syria.” – Homer Simpson
Mike Reiss Takes You Behind the Scenes
“Welcome to Enchantment Lane, where all the parts come together and Malibu Stacy is born. Some folks say there’s a little touch of fairy dust in the air.” – Tour Lady “Aw, crap, there’s a clog in the torso chute! Leroy, get your ass in gear!” – Assembly Line Worker “Shut your hole.” – Leroy On Monday this week, Mike Reiss gave a speech at Virginia Tech. This comes from an interview conducted by the student paper in advance of that: CT: What is your involvement with the show? I’m currently a consultant. I go in every Wednesday, I fly in there – there’s nothing special about Wednesday, it runs like a factory and its always in production. Every Wednesday I just come in and sort of step onto the assembly line and help out. The show is written by 8-10 people sitting in a room just throwing out ideas and jokes. Every Wedneday I’m just one more guy who goes in to help it. CT: Are you considered something of an elder statesmen around there because you were since the show’s inception? Reiss: Sometimes I feel that way. Sometimes I feel like they’ll put in one of my jokes just because I’m an old man and not because its particularly funny. I’ll get embarrassed sometimes, like I’ll throw in a joke where I know its not that good and they’ll put it in. People are very nice to me, it’s just a nice job. I think people – it’s the rare show on tv where the average tenure there is about 10 or 12 years. People like it, we all get along on, we all respect each other. I don’t have any direct experience with what does or does not make for a truly great television writing room, but that kind of polite comity doesn’t exactly scream “high standards”. The only other piece of interesting not-quite-news was about a possible movie sequel: CT: If you do make another one do you think you’ll wait until the show has finished its run on TV? Reiss: I think that’s the general plan, I think the day the show finally goes off the air, like a year later we’ll all going to miss it and I think then we’ll be a little more interested to do the movie. I’d be fine with that. The first movie wasn’t very good, but FOX is going to do something with these characters after the show goes off the air, and another movie done without the background pressure of the ongoing series would be about the best we can hope for. There’s more at the link. He talks about how it was easier back in Season 3 and 4 because, “we had all the tricks and all the architecture in place but the show was new, it wasn’t like we’d done 10,000 ideas like we have now where it’s hard to find things to write about”. But it was the part about the assembly line nature…
Quote of the Day
“I’m sure we can think of something together, come on!” – Lisa Simpson “Not now, I’m too drunk.” – Stacy Lavelle “No you’re not . . . uh, I’ll come back tomorrow.” – Lisa Simpson
Reading Digest: All Hail “Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy” Edition
“No, Celeste, I mean the things she says are sexist.” – Lisa Simpson “Lisa said a dirty word!” – Girls This week we have two people who watched “Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy” for a class and had to blog about it. Isn’t the internet wonderful? “Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy” is just about the quintessential “watch for a class” episode when it comes time to study female portrayals in popular media. But if I may make a suggestion to the syllabus writers of the world, don’t overlook “Dukerella”, the penultimate episode of The Critic. Presumably because the DVD revenue is miniscule, FOX’s copyright killjoys don’t patrol YouTube for it nearly as aggressively as they do for The Simpsons, so you can actually watch the whole thing (as of this writing, anyway). In the episode, Miranda, Alice’s blond bombshell sister, moves in and attempts to flirt and charm her way to love and money in New York City. It’s chalk full of jokes and satires of pointless female competition, sibling rivalry, and the general unfairness of the universe. Some of the more choice lines: Penny (Alice’s adorable little daughter): Momma, Aunt Randa’s gonna teach me to giggle stupidly to make men do my bidding. And: Miranda: Please, Alice, this is my last chance at happiness. You’ve got so much, a beautiful daughter, a good job, your boyfriend with his unique interpretation of masculinity. All right, I have to admit it, I’m jealous of you. Alice: You, of me? Yes! There’s much more, and if you get to the 10 minute mark you can see the street harassment/Supreme Court joke that has made it completely impossible for me to ever read anything about Learned Hand without tittering to myself. Of course, we’ve also got some other stuff. There’s a video tour worthy of Troy McClure, bad metaphors, excellent usage, a demonstration of the power of Simpsons Wiki, and some excellent fan art. Enjoy. the men of my dreams – Fan made clown images, including an awesomely creepy and bloodshot Krusty. The Simpsons – College essay #1. The Simpsons Connection – College essay #2. Who is this Simpsons Character? – This one’s a package deal with . . . Mystery Solved – . . . this one. I always just think of him as the sarcastic guy, but I guess he’s got a name. “I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.” -Homer Simpson – Three weeks in a row for Freakoutville. Video Tour of a Google Data Center – This is a promotional video made by Google to reassure paranoid IT people about putting their oh so precious data on Google Apps, but it’s basically engineer porn. In this case it comes with fake Troy McClure sayings, of which my personal favorite is either “The Decapitation of Ask Jeeves” or “Lycos: Delicious But Deadly”. Just not the big red one – This is a blog called “Bad Metaphors”. This particular post has Homer saying: “A nuclear reactor is…
Slapped Together
“As you may know, I might not be around much longer. So I’ve decided to give you your inheritance before I die, that way I can see you enjoy it.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson Frankenstein’s Monster had less obvious stitch marks where the pieces were sewn together than this episode. We’ve got Lisa and Nelson getting involved (“Lisa’s Date with Density”), Marge splurging on something and returning it (“Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield”), Grampa passing on money to kick start the plot (“Lisa vs. Malibu Stacey”), the kids doling out their inherited money (“Bart the Fink”), and someone wanting to use found money to rent a carpet cleaner (“Bart on the Road”). Even the Itchy & Scratchy bit wasn’t immune, with Scratchy getting married and living happily ever after, Itchy blowing him up in the grave, and Itchy vacuuming up his ghost. And no, the irony of watching an episode about squandered inheritance squandering its own inheritance didn’t make it any more enjoyable. Of course, the episode had a lot of problems beyond those. The b-plot was nonsense, had no ending, and had Jerkass Homer at his worst. The a-plot kind of had an ending, but mostly it just petered out after blowing through its various guest voices. The numbers are in and, sadly, they have gone slightly up. I hate when that happens. Last night’s parade of unrelated bits was seen by 8.59 million people. That’s up from last week, though it’s still low by the fall standards of the show. I’m not sure how much of that is Mark Zuckerberg related; though I don’t think it’s the least bit coincidental that this episode came out the same week as The Social Network.
Reading Digest: Bizarre Dolls Edition
“Don’t you people see anything wrong with what Malibu Stacy says?” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, there’s something wrong with what my Stacy says.” – Celeste “My Spidey-sense is tingling! Anybody call for a web slinger?” – Malibu Stacey WordPress went down again for a little while today, and that was after it ate the “City of New York vs. Homer Simpson” Crazy Noises post last night. (This is why backups are important.) I am outraged at not getting proper value for the nothing a month that I pay them! Oh, right. Seriously, WordPress kicks ass. Why we ever started this thing on Blogger is beyond me. But if anyone notices any posts missing, i.e. you see it in a feed reader but the link doesn’t work, please e-mail us. Thanks. In actual Simpsons related news, there are two links to eBay this week that feature rather odd Simpsons dolls. Once is a Maggie with a giant head, the other is Grandpa wearing a soccer uniform and . . . slippers. Huh. We’ve also got video games, lots of usage, cool sneakers, and a well rounded young high schooler I’m sure will go far. Enjoy. SNES Longplay [014] The Simpsons: Bart’s Nightmare – This is a fifty-six minute YouTube video of someone playing all the way through the Super Nintendo game “Bart’s Nightmare”. I never played that game so I don’t find it all that interesting, but that’s just me. **Grampa Simpson**Simpsons Figure**Burger King Toy** – Abe kinda looks ready for the World Cup here, and no one but him can rock the rarely seen shin guards and slippers combo. How Did I Never Notice This Before??? – Nelson and Barney, actually related? The image speaks for itself. Maggie Simpson Doll with Stand – This is an eBay link for a Maggie doll that has very bizarre proportions. Subject: Our tough-guy-in-chief – Why didn’t I think of this?: In response to your stated preference for the genuine, emotionally reserved Obama to the fake, "kick ass" Obama on display earlier this week, may I offer Bart Simpson’s response to Homer’s efforts to be a more active and engaged parent: "No offense, Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting." Quote is dead on, excellent usage. The 10 funniest dead guys we dearly miss – Phil Hartman is on here, and there’s YouTube of “Meat and You” that’s reversed left-to-right in places. Kinda weird. #0010: Mature Cartoons – Then it is agreed, cartoons are awesome. BHS class essayist speech: Chelsea Rose – This was written by a graduating high school student: As a Latin scholar, I thought it appropriate to leave you with a quote from Homer… Simpson, “If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.” I am quite certain that the original Iliad/Odyssey Homer did not speak Latin. However, that is still excellent usage. The kids are alright. I’ll Bet Smithers Will Open Your Box – I’ve never used Farmville, so I don’t know…
Quote of the Day
“The good lord let’s us grow old for a reason: to gain the wisdom to find fault with everything he’s made!” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson
Zombie Simpsons Commercial to Air During Super Bowl (Updated)
“The bubbles are burning my tongue!” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson It’s late January and that means that it’s time for the annual torrent of news about Super Bowl commercials. How much do they cost? How clever are they? Will the NFL franchise that drafts Tim Tebow wish he had been aborted? Well, Coke is going to have an ad that sounds like the plot of a Zombie Simpsons episode: In one commercial starring characters from The Simpsons, Mr. Burns has lost his millions and only looks at the bright side of life after convenience store clerk Apu gives him a Coke. That sounds about right. Oh and Coke’s got some stupid tie in with Facebook where you can see a “20-second preview” of the ad if you help them with their marketing. To entice people they’re even promising to make a piffling donation to charity. Get bent, Coke. Update: A wise man once remarked that “pimpin’ ain’t easy”. Apparently neither is on-line marketing. Less than ninety minutes after I published a post that contains an abortion joke and concludes with “Get bent, Coke” a marketing firm working for Coca-Cola contacted us. Their motivation was pretty clear, “Someone on the internet mentioned our ad campaign! Quickly, send them further information in a formulaic e-mail, maybe they’ll help publicize this.” So eager were they to enlist us and our everyman credibility that they did not take the time to consider the actual content of the post. An “Oh, shit” moment ensued. Herewith is the hilarious sequence of events: 3:35pm EST: Our e-mail address receives a press release with links to promotional images from someone whose e-mail signature reads “on behalf of Coca-Cola”. Amongst other unintentional comedy the press release refers to the commercials as “animated billboards”, truly a masterpiece of Marketspeak. 3:48pm EST: Our e-mail address receives a second message. The e-mail signature is now just the sender’s first name. I’ve no desire to get this person in trouble, everybody’s gotta make bread somehow, so I’m not going to reprint the entirety of the text. Just know that it was two sentences long, apologized twice, and contained an obvious (and probably panic induced) contradiction about why the first e-mail had been sent. 4:00pm EST: “Recall” requests come in for both e-mails. This is my favorite part. I’m no expert but my understanding of the “recall” feature is that in order for it to work 1) both the sender and receiver have to be using Microsoft Outlook, 2) both have to be using an Exchange server, AND 3) both copies of Outlook must have the feature activated. Our e-mail address is @gmail.com. Savvy internet marketing does not, apparently, require knowledge about how the e-mail system works. I love the internet.
Marketing Horrorshow Coming Soon to a Vagina Near You!
“I want you to hear what Malibu Stacy is telling a generation of little girls.” – Lisa Simpson “Thinking too much gives you wrinkles.” – Malibu Stacy Doll Are you female? Do you like being marketed to by condescending idiots? If you answered “Yes” to the first question then the people behind Simpsons merchandise couldn’t care less about your answer to the second. Behold the unironically stereotypical marketing push known as “Ladies of Springfield”. Fisking time! 20 years on and The Simpsons is still going strong. We take a look at the Ladies of Springfield licensing drive. It may be 20 years old, but The Simpsons remains one of the most groundbreaking and innovative entertainment franchises in the world. “Groundbreaking” in the sense that there’s nothing they won’t merchandise, or “groundbreaking” in the sense that the show has been six feet under for a long time? I agree with one of those definitions. This is followed by some “quick facts” which can be summed up as follows, “People still like watching the show.” Then we get to to the heart of the matter: With popularity for The Simpsons showing no signs of abating, and a healthy licensing and merchandising programme for the main brand, Fox launched the Ladies of Springfield brand at Brand Licensing Europe in 2008. I must have missed that presentation at BLE 2008. Shucks, and I thought I saw everything. “The initiative was created due to the proven and researched popularity of The Simpsons amongst females of all ages,” explains Jennifer Buchanan, director of European licensing at Fox L&M. “The audience profile of the series shows an almost equal balance of males and females. Fox L&M identified an opportunity to harness the popular appeal of the show and target the female consumer by creating an umbrella brand that brings together the female characters with their own look and feel.” That translates from Marketspeak roughly as, “Women weren’t buy as much crap as we thought they should so we’re going to cram girly stuff down their throats. Get me my pink color wheel!” A style guide was developed featuring Lisa, Marge and Maggie – as well as the other key female characters such as Patty and Selma – with product launching a year later. Style guide? I’m intrigued. Can I suggest one for the Zombie Simpsons writers? “Fox has worked closely with licensees to drive the Ladies of Springfield initiative and with their ongoing support we have seen the programme steadily grow across the UK and Europe,” Buchanan continues. “We launched apparel into retail for autumn/winter 2009. This first wave of the brand initiative took us into tween fashion along with support in nightwear. Key retail partners were Bershka, Primark, Bhs, Tesco, George and Next. This might just be me, but I find the juxtaposition of implicitly martial terminology (“first wave”, “brand initiative”) with “tween fashion” a wee bit telling. Parents of Europe, we are about to attack your pre-pubescent daughters! Surrender or be destroyed! “Bridging the gap…