“What are the odds on Santa’s Little Helper?” – Homer Simpson “Ninety-nine to one.” – Ticket Booth Guy “Wow! Ninety-nine times thirteen equals merry Christmas!” – Homer Simpson Happy Simpsons Day everybody!
Tag: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
Quote of the Day
“Can we keep him, Dad? Please!” – Bart Simpson “But he’s a loser! He’s pathetic! He’s . . . a Simpson.” – Homer Simpson Happy Simpsons Day, everybody!
Quote of the Day
“Attention all personnel, please keep working during the following announcement. And now, our boss and friend, Mr. Burns.” – Mr. Smithers “Hello. I’m proud to announce that we’ve been able to increase safety here at the plant, without increasing the cost to the consumer or affecting management pay raises. However, for you semi-skilled workers, there will be no Christmas bonuses. . . . Oh, and one more thing, Merry Christmas!” – C.M. Burns Happy Simpsons Day, everybody!
Quote of the Day
“The fifth grade will now favor us with a scene from Charles Dickens ‘A Christmas Carol’.” – Principal Skinner “Oh, how many grades does this school have?” – Homer Simpson Merry Annual Gift Day, everybody!
Quote of the Day
“Yello?” – Homer Simpson “Marge, please.” – Patty Bouvier “Who’s this?” – Homer Simpson “May I please speak to Marge.” – Patty Bouvier “This is her sister, isn’t it?” – Homer Simpson “Is Marge there?” – Patty Bouvier “Who shall I say is calling?” – Homer Simpson “Marge, please.” – Patty Bouvier “It’s your sister.” – Homer Simpson Happy Simpsons Day, everybody!
Quote of the Day
“Can we open our presents now, Dad?” – Future Gambler “You know the tradition, son. Not till the eighth race.” – Gambler
Reading Digest: Everyone Loves “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” Edition
♫”Then all the reindeer loved him/ And they shouted out with glee/ Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer/ You’ll go down in history!”♫ – The Simpson Family “Like Attila the Hun!” – Bart Simpson Simpsons Day was on Wednesday this week, and with it being a (relatively) big number, 25 years and all, it got more than the usual attention. So we’ve got a lot of lists and retrospectives mixed in with some usage, a bit of fan art, one hapless defense of Zombie Simpsons, a couple of Hutz tributes, a pre-Simpsons David Silverman project, and several people who used the show to protest whichever high profile police killing we’re on now. In addition to that, we’ve got several links about “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” and just how well it stands the test of time. It’s true, and it’s nice to see people agreeing. Enjoy. (Oh, and I’ve still got that Christmas Compare & Contrast saved in the draft folder. I’ll get to it, I swear!) Christmas Merriment Review #17: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire [The Simpsons] (1989) – Like so many other links this week, Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is about that very first episode, and it’s spot on: Yet the Simpsons don’t go unrewarded for their deeds. And that’s something that should also be brought up. The situation Homer puts himself through is not because of his own greediness (like in the later episode”‘Tis the Fifteenth Season”), but simply due to circumstance. He does what he does because he wants his family to have a merry Christmas of their own, even if it means he has to overwork himself to do it. He goes through his own internal struggle trying to be as successful as Ned, but never finding the means to. Yet his actions in this instant are pure and we root for him to succeed because of it. This and that: “Um Dasher, Dancer… Prancer… Nixon, Comet, Cupid… Donna Dixon?”* – More love for “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” (among other things). bathimpact advent calendar, december 17th 1989: The first episode of The Simpsons airs – I keep telling everyone the kids are alright, and here’s more evidence with a college kid talking about how well “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” has aged. The Simpsons’ First Episode Is 25 Years Old And You NEED To Watch It Again – Yes: Sometimes it’s odd to go back to the first episode of a long-running show and see just how drastically different everything became since, but while it’s fun to notice little things like Moe’s appearance and Ralph Wiggum’s lucidity, it says a lot that, actually, this episode feels like any other golden 20 minutes in Springfield. The script is peppered with sharp one-liners and running gags (“And Bart… well… we love Bart”, notes Marge after already listing how well everyone else is doing) but behind it all is a heartfelt story driven by flawed and larger-than-life but rounded and empathetic characters. Many standard Christmas movies…
Quote of the Day
“One ‘Mother’, please.” – Bart Simpson “Wait a minute, how old are you?” – The Happy Sailor “Twenty-one, sir.” – Bart Simpson “Get in the chair.” – The Happy Sailor Happy Simpsons Day, everybody!
Behind Us Forever: Luca$
“Where is Homer, anyway?” – Selma Bouvier “It’s so typical of the big doofus to spoil it all.” – Patty Bouvier “What, Aunt Patty?” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, nothing, dear, I’m just trashing your father.” – Patty Bouvier “Well, I wish you wouldn’t. Because, aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he’s the only father I have. Therefore he is my model of manhood, and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me, and I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts.” – Lisa Simpson “Mmmhmm, go watch your cartoon show, dear.” – Patty Bouvier After I finished watching this episode, I went to the end and began rewinding. Lucas, the kid who Lisa briefly sorta liked and whose dialogue appeared to be stuff that was rejected from Zach Galifianakis’ part in a draft for Hangover 4, appears in the very last scene. It had been so long since we saw him that I wasn’t even sure when he’d gone missing. Reversing, it turns out that he had been gone since literally the halfway mark of the episode. The show didn’t completely forget him, there was that final, tacked on scene, but he was so pointless and shallow that they literally didn’t need him for most of the second act and all of the third. Jebus. The dropouts at Hollywood Upstairs Screenwriting College think that’s sloppy. Besides a forgettably shallow guest voice, what else did “Luca$” have? Exposition. Lots and lots and lots of exposition. In the B-plot, Snake kept stealing stuff for Bart, which we didn’t see, then he got arrested, which we didn’t see, and then Bart went to get him out of jail, which we did see but which was practically narrated for us, including such sparkling dialogue as: “But, Chief, we got guns! He’s got a little wrench.” “You won’t need to save me a third time.” “If I get caught, it’s suicide by cop.” “It means I get you to shoot me.” The A-plot, meanwhile, suffered from the same repetitive problem, but managed a big swing and a miss on the ending, where they wrapped up the wrong plot thread. Marge was supposed to be worried about Lisa seeing Homer as a bad example for future romantic partners, but that quickly devolved into Homer being upset with her about it, which meant that the ending was about Homer forgiving Marge, making Lisa’s whole presence something of an afterthought. That the big gag was that Marge wore a dress from when they drew her into Project Runway didn’t help, nor Jimbo at the bar or the overall weird and creepiness of Homer and Lisa going on a “date”. The quote above from Season 1 contains basically every idea the A-plot fumbled, and it didn’t forget any characters in the middle either. – Slapping “Parodies Are Easy” on…
Sight Gags: Simpsons Roasting on An Open Fire
“Selma and I couldn’t be more excited about seeing our baby sister for Christmas Eve.” – Patty Bouvier “Homer and I are looking forward to your visit, too.” – Marge Simpson “Somehow I doubt that Homer’s excited. Of all the men you could’ve married, I don’t know why you picked one who’s always so rude rt. . .” – Patty Bouvier To go along with my new found love of quoting episodes on the day they came out, how about a look at some of those jokes that just can’t be quoted? Being the first episode and all, the sign gags are far below what would become the average, but “slightly irregular” Christmas trees always brings a smile to my face: And, really, who doesn’t give tattoos as gifts?: Even in Season 1, the show was well ahead of its time:
Reading Digest: Reminiscing Holiday Edition
“Dear friends of the Simpson family, we had some sadness and some gladness this year. First the sadness, our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven, but we bought a new little cat, Snowball II, so I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on, Grampa is still with us, feisty as ever. Maggie is walking by herself. Lisa got straight As. And Bart, well, we love Bart.” – Marge Simpson As we’re now at t-minus 11 days and counting to the biggest holiday on the American calendar, the internet’s thoughts are turning to Christmas in a big way, and that means lots of talk about not only “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire”, but also the Simpsons past generally. This week we’ve got plenty of both. In addition to that, we’ve got two disappointing list rankings, one of the most creative things ever done in Lego Duplo, a young woman doing Simpsons voices, two pieces of evidence for the toothless crappiness of this week’s episode of Zombie Simpsons, and a reminder that The Simpsons was so great that it’s the best part of a terrible movie that it’s barely in. Enjoy. The Simpsons Top 25 episodes of all time – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this great list, which is detailed, thorough, and contains not a whiff of Zombie Simpsons. Simple Simpsons – You’ve seen the Simpsons rendered in Lego, but how about Duplo? Awesome. The Simpsons Impressions Moe Hunt – A collection of one young woman’s Simpsons voices. Her Burns is okay (needs to be a bit deeper), but she’s damned good at a lot of the kids, Milhouse, Nelson, Ralph, etcetera. Also, excellent quote selection (no Zombie Simpsons). Worth a look. Starting the Simpsons Journey – Another blogger is taking up the challenge of watching all the episodes. She hasn’t started yet, but seeing as how Monday is Simpsons Day, that’s a great time to get going. December 17th – Some other notable events in history that have taken place on Simpsons Day. Daily Prompt: My Hero! – Some great advice from Homer and why you should take it. Lots of early season stuff here and no Zombie Simpsons. Bravo. #34 TV Review: The Simpsons (1989-Present) – A librarian in training summarizes the show, and this is perfect librarian for “massive quality collapse”: It holds the title as the longest prime-time animated running series in the United States. Although the quality of the series has arguably declined in the past few seasons Indeed. Die Hard 2 (1990) – Bruce Willis actually gets called a “loose cannon” at one point in this movie, which is why this may be the only un-ironically good thing about the entire film: Super fun fact: I believe this is the first appearance of “The Simpsons” on the big screen, as a bit from the first Dr. Marvin Monroe episode is briefly shown during the film. The Simpsons: Tapped Out – I knew you could…
Reading Digest: Roasting on an Open Fire Edition
“Bart, did you hear that? What a name! Santa’s Little Helper? It’s a sign! It’s an omen!” – Homer Simpson “It’s a coincidence, Dad.” – Bart Simpson I know tomorrow is New Year’s Eve and that Christmas is in the rearview mirror, but this is a list of links from the past week, and in that time “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” won the internet. We’ve got five – count ’em five! – links to people who in one way or another wrote up the original Simpsons episode. Combined with comments like these, it’s nice to see it still garnering so much love and attention all these years later. There’s also an abbreviated version of the usual stuff, including excellent usage, fan art, crappy merchandise, a sweet tattoo, and a YouTube video that needs to be seen. Enjoy. Homer Simpson CUBED!!! – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the week is this amazing Homer Simpson made from 225 Rubik’s cubes: Special bonus points for using “Simpsons Christmas Boogie” as a background song. This has 59 views on YouTube, it needs about 59,000. Christmas and the Wisdom of the Simpsons – Love for “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire”: This may in fact be the one that got my kids started on their Simpsons obsession. Listening to it while I wrapped presents reminded me of the brilliance of this show. They can take a topic that I would rail on and on about (boringly and shrilly) and boil it down to a hilarious 7-second quip. Sounds Like the Perfect Saturday to Me – Animated .gif of Homer on the couch dreaming of being on the couch. The Simpsons and the GOP 2012 Race – Heh. Jon Huntsman as Smithers and Rick Santorum as Gil are particularly clever. Macy’s Christmas Parade at Universal Studios – The Orlando theme park has a Christmas parade, and here are pictures of it, including a few of people in Simpsons costumes. The Marriage of Bacon and Bacon – Homer’s family cufflinks on what appear to be real, tuxedo cuffs. 25 Days of Lezzie Christmas Episodes: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire – Our old friend Lenny takes a look at this week’s theme episode: I love the introduction to Patty. She refuses to even speak to Homer, she just keeps asking if Marge is there. The annoying in-laws are kind of an oldschool sitcom cliche. It’s kind of amazing how developed and sympathetic they eventually become without losing those delightfully bitchy personalities. The show always did a good job of walking that line. Patty and Selma are a pain in the ass, but then you look at Homer and realize, they kind of have a point. Batman Abroad: In Bruges, aka The Holiday Post – A list of good and bad movies of the year, a pictorial essay of a trip to Bruges, Batman, and it still mentions: OK now I’m watching Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire. Fun fact, this is the first ever episode of…
Quote of the Day
“I hope you feel better, Santa.” – Little Girl “Oh, I will when Mrs. Claus’s sisters get out of town. Thanks for listening kid.” – Homer Simpson
The Passion of Homer Simpson
“I don’t deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet and a credit card that won’t set off that horrible beeping.” – Homer Simpson Many horrible things befall American everyman Homer Simpson in “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire”. With the quick and relatively harmless exceptions of a snow cushioned fall off the roof and hitting his head on the doorframe of Santa’s workshop, these things aren’t physical. Nor, for that matter, are they malicious or deliberate. Ned Flanders is far too guileless to understand that his Christmas decorations are humiliating to Homer. Bart isn’t trying to break Homer’s spirit when he gets a tattoo or yanks off Homer’s fake Santa beard. Even Burns, who cancels Homer’s Christmas bonus, doesn’t do so to screw Homer, he’s just greedy about preserving “management pay raises”. The world is indifferent to Homer Simpson, and that much crueler for being so. Over twenty-two minutes, we watch Homer stumble through one vile task after another. It begins with the enforced boredom of the school Christmas pageant. The unrelenting tedium of such events is supposed to be made worthwhile by getting to see your child perform, but Homer is denied even that solace when Bart is physically yanked off stage. Not that home provides any comfort, Homer’s openly contemptuous sisters-in-law have installed themselves in the one place he can usually find rest. Neither the tattoo fiasco nor the cancelled bonus are Homer’s fault, he didn’t even have any warning. Nevertheless, he is consumed with guilt, and as he begins to confess his inadequacies to Marge, she responds with nothing but love, and it nearly breaks his heart. It’s a genuinely touching scene, and Homer, ever the dimwit, completely misinterprets his wife. Instead of seeing Marge’s affection and sympathy as a way to share his burdens, he doubles his resolve and takes up the mantle of the unlikeliest Christmas hero. His sense of purpose is stronger than steel, but his efforts to provide a picture perfect holiday are as doomed as they are bumbling. Disaster follows disaster. No sooner has he talked himself into gifts so wildly off the mark that they might be worse than nothing does his unwitting nemesis Flanders reappear to shatter his illusions. Distraught, he latches on to a new plan even though it’s been recommended by a man Homer knows to be an incompetent drunk. Trusting in the utterly untrustworthy, Homer hitches his hopes to the ass end of Christmas commercialism and moonlights as a mall Santa. Despite his endearing sincerity and actual hard work – at a job that doesn’t even give him lunch – Homer’s labors net him a hopelessly chintzy thirteen dollars. Then, in one of the harshest ironies in Christmas television history, Homer disbelieves his drunken idiot friend the one time the besotted fool happens to be right. Worse, it’s revealed that this second stage of the plan was in Barney’s head all along. Homer has suffered yet another inadvertent blow, including exposing his failure…
Quote of the Day
“That just leaves little Maggie. Oh look, a little squeak toy! It says it’s for dogs, but she can’t read.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Now whatever you do, boy, don’t squirm. You don’t want to get this sucker near your eye or your groin.” – Tattoo Removal Guy Happy Simpsons Day everybody!
Quote of the Day
“Why is there a bird house in it?” – Selma Bouvier “Uhm, that’s an ornament.” – Homer Simpson “Do I smell gunpowder?” – Patty Bouvier
One Bad Episode
“Aw, come on Dad. This can be the miracle that saves the Simpsons’ Christmas. If TV has taught me anything it’s that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it’s gonna happen to us.” – Bart Simpson The Dead Homer Society Manifesto lists Season 7 as having “One Bad Episode”. That episode is “Marge Be Not Proud”. Please understand that we only consider “Marge Be Not Proud” a ‘bad’ episode by the towering standards of early season Simpsons. Compared with the wretched dreck that is Zombie Simpsons it is a model of wit and comic efficiency. But when compared to its contemporaries in Season 7, and its hallowed predecessors in Seasons 1-6, it is noticeably wanting. It is the first Simpsons episode I ever watched when I felt, in the pit of my stomach, the wrenching ball of embarrassment, disappointment, and confusion that I’ve since come to associate with Zombie Simpsons. It was the first episode at which I shook my head at its simplicity, it was the first episode when I felt like I was watching television. For its first six seasons The Simpsons had viciously mocked and relentlessly parodied conventional television. That was one of the things that made it great. It was animated and had no laughtrack, but other than that it had all of the trappings of the standard family comedy: the working father, the precocious children, and the housewife who holds everything together. But instead of following the usual formula it used those cosmetic similarities to mercilessly gut that which came before it. “Marge Be Not Proud” was the first time the show ever sincerely employed the rote, brainless patterns of a normal program. It was, in the parlance of crappy television, a ‘very special episode’. Sitcoms of all stripes occasionally have these ‘very special episodes’ wherein one of the characters comes under threat from a health crisis or makes a decision which runs afoul of American morality. This could be trying drugs, or cheating somehow, or even . . . stealing something. It was that indulgence in the cheap storytelling of regular television (Bart steals game -> Bart gets caught -> Bart feels bad -> Marge finds out -> Marge distrusts Bart -> Bart feels worse -> Bart makes good -> they (literally) hug at the end) that made “Marge Be Not Proud” an indisputable first for The Simpsons. It’s not as though The Simpsons had never explicitly (and seriously) shown emotional family moments before. In the first season Marge rescued Lisa from bad motherly advice (Moaning Lisa), in the second season Marge accused Bart of ruining Thanksgiving (Bart vs. Thanksgiving), in the third season Homer didn’t want to go to Bart’s soapbox derby race (Saturdays of Thunder), in the fourth season Marge felt ignored by Homer during her play (A Streetcar Named Desire), in the fifth season Marge threw Homer out (Secrets of a Successful Marriage),…
“Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” Promos
“They’re coming to save the 90s!” How prescient: This is the promo clip Letterman showed in his interview with Groening: Then as now once people got a taste of good Simpsons they just wanted to watch it over and over: And, the aftermath:
Quote of the Day
“Okay kids, prepare to be dazzled. Marge, turn on the juice! . . . What do you think kids?” – Homer Simpson “Nice try dad.” – Lisa Simpson “Ugh.” – Bart Simpson “Now just hold your horses, son. Hey, Simpson!” – Ned Flanders “What is it Flanders?” – Homer Simpson “Oh, uh, do you think this looks okay?” – Ned Flanders “Whoa.” – Lisa Simpson “Neato.” – Bart Simpson “It’s too bright.” – Homer Simpson Happy Simpsons Day Everybody!