Tag: The War of the Simpsons

“Hey, anybody mind if I server as bartender? You know, I have a PhD in mixology!” – Ned Flanders “Pfft, college boy.” – Moe

“Oh my, the house looks wonderful! Grampa, what’s your secret?” – Marge Simpson “Pretending to cry. . . . That’s right, you heard me, pretending to cry! I can turn it on and off like a faucet! Ohh, oh, I’m crying! I’m so sad!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson “Way to go, Grampa.” – Lisa Simpson “I’ll never trust another old person.” – Bart Simpson “I fooled you! So long, suckers!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

“Homer, go easy on the al-key-hol. Remember last year at the Winfield’s party when you threw up in the laundry hamper?” – Marge Simpson “No.” – Homer Simpson

“If you want him to live through the night, I suggest you roll him onto his stomach.” – Dr. Hibbert “Thank you, I will, Dr. Hibbert. Thanks for coming.” – Marge Simpson “Remember, I said, ‘if’.” – Dr. Hibbert

“Say, Reverend, are we gonna get a chance to do any fishing?” – Homer Simpson “Oh, I’m afraid not. A marriage can’t be reconciled in a few hours, Homer. It takes a whole weekend to do that!” – Reverend Lovejoy “Oh.” – Homer Simpson “We must bait our hooks with honesty. That way, a happy marriage won’t be the one that got away.” – Reverend Lovejoy “I see. . . .I also understand bowling expressions.” – Homer Simpson

“I want to make sure the kids don’t hear. When I was young I always hated knowing my parents were fighting.” – Marge Simpson “They’re fighting in the car again.” – Bart Simpson “That music always sends a chill down my spine.” – Lisa Simpson

“Over there! Send the word Send the word Over there! That the Yanks Are Coming The Ya-ahhhh!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

“Now, this is a trust exercise.  You fall backwards and rely on your spouse to catch you.” – Helen Lovejoy “Do I have to do this?” – Marge Simpson “No.  Even if your husband were here I wouldn’t recommend it.” – Reverend Lovejoy

“I’ve been wanting to tell you off for years, but I never had the nerve.” – Homer Simpson “I don’t know you.  My wife and your wife are friends.  We met just three hours ago.” – Guy “You stink!  You and your whole lousy operation stinks, I quit!” – Homer Simpson “Uh, gee, don’t, don’t quit.” – Guy “Alright, then.” – Homer Simpson

“Lisa, what’s wrong?” – Bart Simpson “Isn’t it obvious?  We’ve degraded ourselves and set back the children’s rights movement for decades to come.” – Lisa Simpson “You’re great at a party, Lis.  Really great.” – Bart Simpson

“After the supermarket, we’ll go to the video store, grab a Krusty burger, and head for the arcade.” – Bart Simpson “Bart, Grampa’s a kindly old man who trusts us.  Are you sure it’s right to take advantage of him?” – Lisa Simpson “Lis, in these crazy, topsy-turvy times, who’s to say what’s right or wrong?  But right now, my gut’s telling me: bleed Gramps dry.” – Bart Simpson

“Grampa, could you do something?” – Marge Simpson “I can dress myself.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson