“Listen to this: Unexplainable behavior, individuals acting in a secretive fashion are often involved with UFOs or other paranormal phenomena, e.g. telephone explosions.” – Bart Simpson “Geeze, if it’s in a book, it’s gotta be true.” – Milhouse van Houten
Tag: Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
Quote of the Day
“There she is, the old Radiation King! You’d park yourself right there and watch for hours on end.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Quote of the Day
“We got a lotta tonic to sell and a lotta towns to visit! Frigid Falls, Mount Seldom, Lake Flaccid…” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson “Great, I’m gonna be stuck in the car all weekend with that wheezy windbag.” – Homer Simpson “And that’s what’s wrong with Bart’s generation. Now, as for your generation…” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Quote of the Day
“This isn’t very erotic. I think an actual a utility room.” – Marge Simpson “No, honey, it’s a romantic fantasy. I imagine I’m the janitor, and you’re . . . the janitor’s wife, who has to live with me in the utility room.” – Homer Simpson “Don’t mind me, folks. Just need to get the old wet-dry vac.” – Aphrodite Inn Guy
Quote of the Day
“Hey, Marge, this guy looks like Apu!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Someday you’ll thank me for all this scary love. But now I’ve got to go somewhere and do some serious thinking.” – Homer Simpson “I’m sure he meant to say ‘serious drinking’.” – Bart Simpson “That’s what I assumed.” – Lisa Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Dad, how come you never gave me any encouragement? Maybe I could’ve been something more than I am, like a travel agent . . . to a great scientist. Or the inventor of a hilarious refrigerator alarm.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“What’s going on? Where are all the grown-ups?” – Milhouse van Houten “Who cares? With no adults around, I run this city! . . . Uh, carry on.” – Nelson Muntz
Quote of the Day
“Hurry up! We got a lot of tonic to sell and a lot of towns to visit: Frigid Falls, Mount Seldom, Lake Flaccid.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Sir, uh, hello, sir? Yes, you look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Kids, your Daddy and his Daddy are involved in a very sticky, nutty, chewy, chocolaty . . . put it away, boy! . . . situation.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Where are my pants?” – Homer Simpson “You threw them out the window in a fit of passion. You said you were never going to need them again.” – Marge Simpson “Oh, hurry, Neddy. They’re awful.” – Maude Flanders “You just be ready with that garbage bag.” – Ned Flanders
Quote of the Day
“Legend has it, my great-grand-pappy stumbled upon this recipe when he was trying to invent a cheap substitute for holy water.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Oh, mama! This is finally really happening. After years of disappointment with get rich quick schemes, I know I’m gonna get rich with this scheme, and quick!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user Mark Legault. “Welcome home son, I broke two lamps and lost all your mail.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Sunday Preview: The Scorpion’s Tale
“I’ve discovered that the rejuvenating effect people feel is actually a mild form of poisoning, no doubt a result of the unsanitary conditions in Grampa Simpson’s bathtub. Nonetheless . . .” – Dr. Hibbert The Oscars aren’t good for much, but they did buy us a week off from Zombie Simpsons. Sadly, that week is now over. I didn’t see a promo image at Simpsons Channel, so we’ll have to let the text do the talking: After a field trip to the desert, Lisa discovers that the desert water mysteriously makes typically combative creatures get along, so she brings some of the water home as a souvenir. When Grampa moves in with the family after getting kicked out of the retirement home, Homer secretly tests the desert water on Grampa, who is instantly cured of his crankiness. A pharmaceutical representative (guest voice Herzog) gets word of Homer’s discovery and quickly tries to replicate the water into a drug, using Grampa as the primary guinea pig. But when the pills get in the wrong hands and are sold on the black market, unexpected side effects of the new drug take an eye-popping toll on the elderly citizens of Springfield, and the Simpsons learn that their new medical cure comes with major consequences. I enjoyed Serenity, this is less promising.
Conspiracy Nuts Think Zombie Simpsons Predicts Nuclear Holocaust on Saturday
“Scary, no? And this guy’s head of the Spaceology Department at the Correspondence College of Tampa!” – Bart Simpson Ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your tinfoil hats, because YouTube user “truthwillfindyoubru” is about to avert a nuclear holocaust this Saturday! I found it on a blog called “2012 THE AWAKENING”, the url of which is “ascendingstarseed”, so you know this is completely legitimate and above board. Feast your Stonecutter-Illuminati-Black Ops-Freemason-Cult of Darius-CIA/MI6/007 eyes on this: Or, you know, don’t. Really. Don’t. But I did, all ten minutes and forty-four idiotic seconds of it. The basic premise here is that the Zombie Simpsons episode “To Surveil With Love”, which I had more or less completely forgotten, foretells a “black flag” nuclear bomb attack scheduled for this Saturday the 6th of November, 2010. The “black flag” part means that this nuclear detonation will be carried out by nefarious forces and blamed on someone else as a way to further the agenda of said nefarious forces. Everybody got all that? Good, let’s get to the tape. The video starts out by rehashing the old conspiracist saw that “City of New York vs. Homer Simpson” predicted the 2001 terrorist attacks crap. If you’re unfamiliar with that bit of brilliant logic, here’s the screen grab that sent thousands of misguided people to their keyboards: Definitive proof that Ian Maxtone-Graham is history’s greatest monster. After that, the video mentions an episode of the X-Files spinoff “The Lone Gunman” where a plane doesn’t hit anything, a made for TV movie from 2005 about a hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico, and the bland and forgettable Nicholas Cage move “Knowing”. Why? Well, the first one obviously predicted the attack on the World Trade Center, because prior to that no one had ever thought of using a plane as a weapon. The second one because hurricanes are so very rare in the Gulf of Mexico. And the third one is obvious because that movie mentioned an oil rig fire and no offshore oil rigs have ever caught fire before Deepwater Horizon. Once those not-at-all-insane connections have been made, we get a title card screen, “Now back to the point of this video”. Very well, let us continue. In case you, like me, don’t remember this particular piece of the haphazard scrawl that is Zombie Simpsons, here’s the FOX description: A bomb squad mistakenly blows up Homer’s unattended gym bag, releasing radiation into the city and authorities react by suspending civil liberties. Wiggum and his men install surveillance cameras around Springfield and round up suspected terrorists, including Groundskeeper Willie, but when monitoring the nonstop flow of video imagery proves to be too much, Wiggum enlists concerned citizens to help keep the city safe. Meanwhile, Lisa becomes fed up with being blond, so she dyes her hair a dark color Sadly, this video contains nothing about whether or not the world is ruled by a cabal of natural blondes who dye their hair. Instead, it has things like this: The…
Reading Digest: Truther Conspiracy Edition
“You fool! Can’t you see it’s a massive government conspiracy, or have they gotten to you too?” – Milhouse van Houten I don’t know if it’s because tomorrow is the ninth anniversary of those rather unpleasant terrorist attacks, but this week we’ve got two different links to those irrepressibly foolish Truthers. I’d say more, but the shadowy organization that directs all my actions doesn’t want me to provoke their awesome deductive and investigative powers lest they uncover the terrible truth. We’ve also got some cool costumes of Marge, Maggie and Lisa, Angela Merkel, some enjoyable, regular YouTube, and some bizarre, backwards YouTube. Enjoy. D’oh! – I put this up on Twitter yesterday, but it’s also Smooth Charlie’s Click of the Week. It’s nail polish, and it’s good and awesome and fan made and well worth the ten seconds of your time it will take to view. Mayoral hopefuls praise Toronto film industry, The Simpsons – I should move to Toronto: It was a perfect opportunity for the candidates to praise a real success story in Toronto, and they managed to do that when they weren’t talking about the hit American TV show The Simpsons. Rocco Rossi brought up the episode where Hollywood comes to Springfield to shoot Radioactive Man: The Movie. George Smitherman made a nod to the same episode later in the debate. That’s right: even during live debates, the candidates want to change the channel and watch a 15-year-old Simpsons rerun. And it comes with YouTube: Bart Simpson T-Shirt 1989/90 – Some old school Bart t-shirt designs. Fidel Castro’s Doubts About Cuban Communism and Iranian Anti-Semitism – Generally speaking, I do not expect Simpsons connections from The New York Times: In what seems like a case of life imitating “The Simpsons,” Fidel Castro said, during a recent interview with Jeffrey Goldberg of The Atlantic, that Cuba’s communist economic model has proved to be a failure. In a blog post about the interview, Mr. Goldberg wrote: I asked him if he believed the Cuban model was still something worth exporting. “The Cuban model doesn’t even work for us anymore,” he said. Some readers might hear an echo of a 1998 episode of The Simpsons, in which a cartoon version of Mr. Castro told disappointed colleagues, “Comrades, our nation is completely bankrupt. We have no choice but to abandon communism…. I know, I know, I know — but we all knew from day one this mumbo-jumbo wouldn’t fly.” YouTube, also from the Times: Obama Reveals $50B Monorail Plan at Labor Day Rally – Poor Jim DeMint, why does he always have to play a woman? Check This Bad Boy out: 52 Villian & Famous quotes – This is a big image of, you guessed it, a lot of villain quotes. Some of them are excellent, some less so (hard to read fonts are nobody’s friend). Unfortunately, the Mr. Burns quote is wrong. He says “terror”, not “fear”. Also, nice WordPress theme. 11 Extraordinarily Clever Simpsons Tattoos – As soon as…
Quote of the Day
“Homey, are you really going to ignore Grampa for the rest of your life?” – Marge Simpson “Of course not, Marge, just for the rest of his life.” – Homer Simpson
So Much For That Theory
“Why are you guys jumping to such ridiculous conclusions? Haven’t you ever heard of Occam’s razor? The simplest explanation is probably the correct one.” – Lisa Simpson Last week, I speculated that FOX might have a dual purpose in trying out their new animated show “Bob’s Burgers” in the fall, before they had to make a decision on whether or not to bring back Zombie Simpsons for 2011-2012. Not so much: Expect a new animated comedy titled “Bob’s Burgers” during the midseason (which won’t be a success, I can tell you that now). “Bob’s Burgers” won’t be showing up until mid-season, so there will be no window between its premier and the production of the Season 22 finale. My conspiracy theory about the saucer people and the RAND corporation was wrong. Can’t say I’m that surprised. What does this mean for a Season 23? Maybe a lot, probably nothing. FOX is still going to have more shows than it can fit in a two hour bloc on Sunday, but who knows what that means? Whether or not they’ve decided to finally put Zombie Simpsons out of its misery remains an open question. Here’s hoping.