“You are a very lucky man, Apu. You see, the bullet ricocheted off another bullet that was lodged in your chest from a previous robbery.
Tag: Homer and Apu
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Mrs. Simpson, the express line is the fastest line not always. That old man up front, he is starved for attention. He will talk the cashier’s head off.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “There’s an interesting behind this nickle. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three, medium brown…” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Expired ham? Oh, this time I’ve gone too far. No. No one will fall for-” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Woo-hoo! Cheap meat! Ooh, this one’s open.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“That’s a good price for twelve pounds of nutmeg.” – Marge Simpson “Great selection and rock bottom prices! But where is the love?” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Attention Monstromart shoppers: just a reminder that we love each and every one of you.” – PA Announcer “Awww.” – Customers
Quote of the Day
“Stop being such babies! You can’t be afraid to try new things. For instance, tonight I’m using a . . . Apu, what do you call this things again?” – Homer Simpson “A napkin.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Hahahaha, outrageous!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“No. I’ve killed her! It’s all happening again!” – Barney Gumble
Quote of the Day
“We’ve come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversize novelty hat. Now, go get us some incriminating footage. And remember: you have to get in and out in ten minutes or you’ll suffer permanent neck damage.” – Kent Brockman “He’s not kidding.” – Previous Hat Wearer
Quote of the Day
“At first I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “You’re selling what now?” – Homer Simpson “I’m selling only the concept of karmic realignment.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “You can’t sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos!” – Homer Simpson “He’s got me there.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Quote of the Day
“There she is, the world’s first convenience store!” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “This isn’t very convenient.” – Homer Simpson “Must you dump on everything we do?” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon Happy birthday Greg Daniels!
Quote of the Day
“Are we in India yet?” – Homer Simpson “No.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Are we in India yet?” – Homer Simpson “No.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Are we in India yet?” – Homer Simpson “No.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Are we in India yet?” – Homer Simpson “No. . . . Oh, wait . . . now we are.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Quote of the Day
“This is what I think of your store!” – Customer “Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Quote of the Day
“Is he still out there?” – Homer Simpson “Yes, he’s raking leaves.” – Marge Simpson “What? That’s your job! If he starts doing Lisa’s wood chopping . . . ” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Apu, if it’ll make you feel any better, I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I’m sorry, Apu, I have no choice. You can no longer wear this name patch, and you can no longer tell people about our fried pickles. Now, turn in your pricing gun . . . the other one, too.” – Executive Happy 20th anniversary to “Homer and Apu”! Original airdate 10 February 1994.
Quote of the Day
“No! Don’t kill me! I didn’t know there was film in that camera in that hat! I was unaware! I was unaware!” – Homer Simpson “Mr. Simpson, you misunderstand me. In my village, this is the traditional pose of apology.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Oh.” – Homer Simpson “You know, now that I think about it, it may be a little confusing. Many have died needlessly.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Quote of the Day
“Let’s cut to that line.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “But that’s the longest.” – Marge Simpson “Yes, but look: all pathetic single men. Only cash, no chitchat.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon Happy birthday Greg Daniels!
Quote of the Day
“Well, sir, Homer’s illness is either caused by ingesting spoiled food or by some sort of voodoo curse.” – Dr. Hibbert “Hey, we’ve just been working the eyes.” – Patty Bouvier
Quote of the Day
“I’m coming with you. I got you fired, it’s the least I can do. Well, the least I can do is absolutely nothing, but I’ll go you one better and come along.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Good evening, here’s an update on last week’s nursing home expose ‘Geezer’s in Freezers’. It turns out the rest home was adequately heated, the footage you saw was of a fur storage facility. We’ve also been told to apologize for using the term ‘geezers’. Now, coming up next, the case of the cantankerous old geezer.” – Kent Brockman
Compare & Contrast: Fake Stores and Artists of Varying Fame
“Dad, chew with your mouth closed. You’re losing your mystique.” – Lisa Simpson “Lisa, all great artists love free food. Check out Jasper Johns.” – Homer Simpson “You squeal on me, I’ll kill you.” – Jasper Johns Zombie Simpsons’ remarkable inability to parody things beyond changing around a few letters has been brought up around here before. Ditto their lame celebrity guest policy of having people voice themselves in what usually amount to barely concealed brag statements about how awesome they are in real life. With “Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart”, Zombie Simpsons managed to pull both of those tired old rabbits out of their threadbare bag of tricks. “Swapper Jack’s”, the latest in the long line of renamed brands that Zombie Simpsons mistook for satire, is so unbelievably lazy that I feel like a bit of a rube for even giving it this much consideration. I’ll give them credit for some decent sign gags on the outside of the store, though. “Grass-Fed Lettuce” is kinda funny, as is the idea of meat so pampered that’s its sung to sleep. But those are generalities, there’s nothing about them that’s inherently linked to Trader Joe’s/Swapper Jack’s. There are, after all, a lot of stores that cater to foodies with disposable income. Not bad, Zombie Simpsons. Too bad you had to go inside the store. Once they walk through the doors though, any attempt at broad satire is instantly dropped in favor of bland, semi-complimentary one liners for this particular store. Like “Cinnabun” a couple of months ago, “Swapper Jack’s” isn’t so much a parody as it is an advertisement. Little tweaks to the decor and having jelly that even Lisa hasn’t heard of are the kind of half-clever, self-congratulatory ideas you’d normally expect to find in a company newsletter. Contrast that gentle fluffing with the unlimited contempt poured into the Monstromart in “Homer and Apu”. The establishing shot lets us know that this place, partly Costco, partly Wal-Mart, partly the rest of those giant warehouse stores, is not going to come out of this well. It looks like the headquarters of some Eastern European secret police agency. The entire time Marge and Apu are at the store, hilarious and terrible things are happening. The place only sells nutmeg in sizes that would last for years, and their mania for bulk allows Barney to accidentally trigger a cranberry juice tidal wave by asking a giant syrup container where the lampshades are. Then there’s the wonderfully disingenuous (and successful) declaration of corporate love via loudspeaker, the kind of cheap, commercial chicanery The Simpsons lived to mock. Nothing about the place, from the “1000 Items or Less” express aisle to the parade of “pathetic, single men”, would ever make you want to shop there or any place like it. Monstromart wasn’t born out of a love of big box stores the way “Swapper Jack’s” was born out of someone wandering into their favorite Trader Joe’s and taking notes. Monstromart is mean. But their love of…