Image shamelessly yoinked from here. “Dad, I don’t understand. What is she saying you did?” – Lisa Simpson “Well, Lisa, remember that postcard Grampa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman’s bottom?” – Homer Simpson “Oh yeah, that was brilliant!” – Bart Simpson “That’s right, we all thought it was hilarious, but it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.” – Homer Simpson “And the dog in the Coppertone ads, same deal, Dad?” – Bart Simpson “That’s kind of a gray area.” – Homer Simpson
Tag: Homer Badman
Quote of the Day
“Oh, damn FDA, why can’t it all be marshmallow?” – Bart Simpson “Eww, Bart, don’t put the non-marshmallow pieces back in the box. They go in the trash.” – Lisa Simpson
Reading Digest: Spectacular Links Edition
“I feel like a kid in some kind of a store.” – Homer Simpson Some weeks the internet just gives and gives; like this week, where we have an embarrassment of really cool stuff. I had several contenders for Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week, and ultimately I couldn’t decide on one, but the first four links are all worth your time, though only the Rolling Stone thing will actually take more than a few seconds of it. In addition to that, we’ve got some great YouTube, the usual assortment of excellent usage, three links from our pal Galileo, and, what we all came here to see, hard core nudity! Enjoy. Burger #284 – Lisa Simpson – It’s the Lisa burger, and it’s vegetarian. The Simpsons: America’s favorite yellow family – Highly stylized fan made drawing of the family Simpson. I especially like the blue swirls for both Marge’s hair and Maggie’s pacifier. The Simpsons, the Only Real People on T.V.: Rolling Stone’s 1990 Cover Story – A Rolling Stone cover article about the show from June 1990, i.e. after the first season when Bartmania was at its absolute apex. It’s a nice little time capsule, and it’s always good to remember when the show was rebellious. I’m particularly fond of this quote from Groening: "I like it because [the Simpsons] are not glamorous. So much in our culture is designed to make you feel envious. The Simpsons definitely do not." “Glamorous”, there’s a word that pretty neatly describes Zombie Simpsons. I’m going to add that one to my regular repertoire. Milhaus Shirt – Milhouse/Bauhaus mashup shirt – I put this up on Twitter earlier this week, but it’s worth mentioning again. Unfortunately they appear to have sold out in the meantime, so you can’t get the t-shirt at the moment, but you can gaze upon its nerdy majesty: But my mom says I’m cool (via). BoC Gameday: It’s OUR Vertigo – Excellent usage: I feel bad for Hiller, but I admit that I’d probably giggle if the Ducks literally killed their goaltender with their shitty defense. Are the Ducks drinking chlorinated water or something? Lydman’s seeing double, Hiller can’t stand up, and Ryan Getzlaf’s bones are brittle. The Getzlaf one is especially weird since he always drinks plenty of… malk? I feel like Ned Flanders! – More excellent usage: So, I was driving home from work yesterday and as I left Abbotsford and grew closer to Chilliwack, the snow started to fall. Well, not fall, exactly. More like, um, assault my car. […] I thought of Ned Flanders, when his house was torn away by a tornado and the town pulled together to build a new house for him. The work they did was done “Shoddilly-iddily-iddily-diddly” and Ned tries to “diddly” his way out of his rage, but then finally explodes in “aaaw hell diddly ding dong crap!” Every time I see this episode I think that someday that’ll be me. There is also a rather nice photo to…
Quote of the Day
“Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers!” – TV Anchorman “Hey, that’s a half truth!” – Homer Simpson
“The Bart Wants What It Wants” Makes Baby Jesus Cry
“Why would anybody wanna touch a girl’s butt? That’s where cooties come from!” – Bart Simpson This is another one of those Season 13 episodes that blazes around at high speeds, shifting gears at random while not doing a whole lot in the a) making jokes or b) making sense categories. It’s also another in the long line of Bart-gets-a-girlfriend episodes and, like most of them, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense and involves a lot of awkward pauses and pointless exposition. The commentary does its best to ignore all this and is greatly aided by the presence of Pamela Hayden who does the voice for Milhouse. They spend more than half the commentary just asking her random Milhouse questions. The end result is that there is some decent Milhouse trivia here, but no insight into this craptacular excuse for an episode. Eleven guys on this one, including Hayden as the token female. 0:55 – Apparently this is Hayden’s first commentary recording. 1:10 – Jean asks Hayden how she came up with the voice of Milhouse. She originally tried out to be the voice of one of Bart’s friends in a Butterfinger commercial, pre-series. 2:15 – They changed the Olympic rings on the side of the helicopter just enough so they don’t have to pay. You know who the real crooks are? Those sleazy Hollywood producers. 3:00 – The Canadians were disappointed as this was billed as a Simpsons-go-to-Canada episode and Canada is barely in it. 3:45 – They’re talking about Canada, not much is going on. 4:15 – Important trivia point: “Now, this is really Wolfgang Puck.” Sadly, he brought no food to the recording. 4:30 – Saying how nice Reese Witherspoon was. 5:25 – They were going to make a George Bush joke, but didn’t on account of they thought it was too soon after the 2001 attacks. That leads into a discussion of why they never made fun of Bush much, and Jean lays the blame on the fact that they never had someone who could do the voice really well. I try not to break out Comic Book Guy’s most famous expression very often, but: Worst. Excuse. Ever. You have what might be the most talented and versatile voice casts in the history of television plus any number of serious actors and comedians who would fall over themselves for a reoccurring role on your show, and you couldn’t get someone to do a presidential impression? Bullshit. 6:30 – After a long silence, they’re working Hayden into the conversation when the subject of Milhouse’s original design comes up. There’s a rumor that it was based on Joel Cohen’s brother Rob, but Jean says that though he wasn’t there when they did it, he heard Milhouse was modeled after the friend on The Wonder Years. There’s certainly a resemblance. 7:05 – Long silence. 7:25 – More Milhouse trivia. Hayden can’t remember her first line as Milhouse in the commercial, nor if she met Cartwright then. To…
Quote of the Day
“Marge, I swear I didn’t touch her. You know how bashful I am. I can’t even say the word ‘titmouse’ without giggling like a schoolgirl. Hehehehehe!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Two, four, six, eight, Homer’s crime was very great!” – Protesters (pause) “‘Great’ meaning large or immense; we use it in the pejorative sense!” – Protesters
FOX Demands You Watch Its Other Crappy Programs
“How did you get tickets?” – Lisa Simpson “They hid them in every millionth Krusty Klump Bar and Krusty Klump Bar with Almonds.” – Homer Simpson So you think you can stand two consecutive hours of So You Think You Can Dance? Feel like spending your Friday evening with reruns of Bones and House? Do you have any plans at all next week? Well cancel them quick because FOX is going to put “shout-outs” to the Simpsons across its primetime schedule all next week: Beginning Monday, Nov. 9 and continuing through Friday, Nov. 13, fans can watch FOX each night to find SIMPSONS shout-outs, tributes and clues featured in primetime programming and on-air promos. One lucky winner will receive the ultimate SIMPSONS prize package, including a trip for two to Los Angeles to attend a SIMPSONS table read with the Emmy Award-winning voice cast and producers, a home entertainment system, SIMPSONS DVDs and merchandise and tickets to Universal Studios Hollywood, home of The Simpsons Ride. Viewers 13 years of age and older who spot SIMPSONS shout-outs can log on to http://www.fox.com/scavengerhunt each night to test their knowledge for an opportunity to unlock daily downloadable extras and to enter to win the ultimate grand prize. Why are they doing this next week, a week that has nothing to do with twenty years of Simpsons? Who cares? Isn’t it funny that kids who weren’t born until Season 8 can participate? Kinda. Would I be able to sit quietly at a Zombie Simpsons table read without causing a disturbance? Not a chance.
Friday Link Dump – TV Sucks Edition
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flicker user Barbara L. Hanson. “It’s just hard not to listen to TV, it’s spent so much more time raising us that you have.” – Bart Simpson My Google alerts lit up this week as the internet ponders the upcoming fall television schedule, mentions of the new season of Zombie Simpsons are numerous. I have linked to not a one of them because, really, who gives a fuck? No excellent usage this week, but we do have someone else who thinks teevee sucks, a German election, a badass piece of Bart Simpson jewelry and an eight year old girl who took up the sax because of Lisa Simpson. Not to shabby. Enjoy. Merkel, rival gear up – The Germans are having themselves an election this month and the two leading contenders, who are actually already in a governing coalition together (man and I thought Americans have shitty political options), had a debate on teevee where they apparently spent most of the time agreeing with each other. Thoughtful television people believe in counterprogramming: However, Germans turned off by their insipid election campaign at least have a choice in the rotund shape of Homer Simpson. While the debate is being carried live on four major channels, a rival station is showing ‘The Simpsons – The Movie”, and has plastered Berlin with ads saying ‘Vote Simpsons.’ Multiple One-Man Shows featured in 2009-2010 at the State Theatre – The one and only Mac Homer is coming to the State Theater in New Brunswick, New Jersey at the end of October. Eat My Shorts (With a Side of Diamonds) – Sweet Bart Simpson necklace. Nothing is new – A reminiscence on watching the Simpsons and not paying attention in high school. See, it is hard to get kids to pay attention in high school. Television: the wasted medium? – This is a long and thoughtful piece that can basically be surmised by this quotation: This is why I don’t watch TV. Because almost all of it sucks. Yes, almost all TV sucks. You know what else almost all of sucks? Everything. Almost all painting sucks, almost all music sucks, almost all pornography sucks, you can name any creative medium devised by people and the overwhelming majority of it is terrible. But some of it doesn’t suck and it’s those parts that we love. Anyway, it’s a neat post and worth reading, especially for this part: The most obvious answer is what’s probably one of the prime achievements in all of television, The Simpsons. A sociocultural behemoth documenting as well as deeply affecting an era (late ’80s and on), it’s also the pinnacle of perhaps my favorite kind of TV, animated satire. Other examples include Ren and Stimpy (which I’ve discussed here before), and The Rocky and Bulwinkle Show, which heavily influenced both of them. Why animated satire? A variety of reasons, I’d say: I grew up watching it and find that it rings true as an adult; television…
Animating the Fourth Wall
I was poking around for items for tomorrow’s link dump when I came across this from a blog called “Art Brut(e)”: See I was going to be really clever and somehow link “Mom and Pop Art” with “Duck Amuk” to Larry Johnson and it was going to be really clever, but the conceit doesn’t work anymore so– eh, why don’t you pick up an Art Forum or something. “Duck Amuck” is one of the most memorable Merrie Melodies ever and, prior to clicking that link, I hadn’t actually watched the whole thing (~7 min) in years. It’s still very clever and quite funny. I cracked up when Daffy’s parachute was replaced with an anvil (William Faulkner could write an anvil gag that would really make you think). In terms of “Duck Amuck” and The Simpsons the first thing that sprang to mind was Snowball II after Bart makes it more interesting in the second Treehouse of Horror: But then I got to thinking about all the other times the show broke the fourth wall with animation. (Note: this is not meant to be an exhaustive list.) First up is “Brush with Greatness” and it’s never ending MC Escher line for the “H2WHOA!” ride: Next is “The Front” and it’s fantastically crappy reused background of water cooler/nondescript door/cleaning lady: In Boy Scoutz N the Hood we learn that cartoons don’t need to be 100% realistic and, lo and behold, there are two Homers: Finally, there are a lot of couch gags that play around with how the Simpsons are animated, but two in particular seem genuinely “fourth-wall-ish”. The one in “Lisa the Beauty Queen” and “Duffless” has the family running literally out of frame: And then there’s the infinitely receding couch from “Homer Badman” and “Two Dozen and One Greyhounds”: I always thought that one must have been fun to animate, just keep drawing the family smaller and smaller until they’re basically dots.
Friday Link Dump – Life Imitating Art Edition
“Precious Venus . . .” – Homer Simpson This week we have real Gummy de Milos and a real beheaded statue. There’s also some usage (good and bad), a bunch of British celebrities, shoddy merchandise, and more. Gummi Venus De Milo – Someone made real Gummi de Milos! I’d tell you more but I’m drooling on my keyboard. Click the link for pictures (grad student ass not included). The post is more than a year old, but it’s a little known fact that in the medium of gummi a lack of arms retards spoilage (via). Cloud Talk – Somebody cut off the head of a statue of James Garfield. The link has a picture as well as a rundown of the relevant dialogue from “The Telltale Head”. Why is Dolph referred to as “Other Bully”? Because whoever put up this transcript (from which it appears to be cribbed) is an ignoramus. You’re next, Chester A. Arthur. 4 Simpsons Controversies That Didn’t End in Lawsuits – A rundown of some memorable public flaps in the history of the show. Uruguay: Ban on Homosexuals Joining the Military Is Lifted – “Look at this country: you are gay.” – Homer Simpson UCLA to fete ‘Simpsons’ director – David Silverman, who was involved with the show in the before time and directed the movie is getting his ass publicly kissed by UCLA, his alma mater. Top 10 British celebrities to star in The Simpsons – Pretty much what it says. Tracey Ullman doesn’t rate, that seems a tad unfair. How Homer and Co can help us lead healthier lives (by not copying them) – This is really stupid. British tabloid The Sun had a food charity compile a list of all the food and drink on the show for a month. (I’d assume this means whatever’s in reruns in Britain.) Then they treated the results seriously, even though it’s, you know, a cartoon. Oh yeah, and you prudish health food people can go fuck yourselves for saying this like it’s a bad thing: Lots of gassy beers can also lead to bloating and excess wind. Hehe, “wind”. Buzz Cola: hazardous material – Remember that Buzz Cola they sold during the promotional shitstorm for the movie two years ago? Well, according to this guy some of the cans have now corroded through from the inside and spilled their contents. He doesn’t cite any actual examples, but if it’s true it’s pretty funny. TV DAD’S DINNER – Feel like harassing the Cleveland Plain Dealer? Sure you do: For more than 50 years, television has portrayed thousands of imaginary fathers. Whether it’s the ever-earnest Ward Cleaver or that big honkin’ dufus, Homer Simpson, most of us have a favorite TV dad. Who’s yours? And if – in your own imaginary world – you could cook up a meal to honor your fantasy father this June 21, what would it include? (Besides a plateful of doughnuts for Homer – doh!) On June 17,…
Quote of the Day
“No, Ben! No!” – Bear Wrangler