Tag: Lisa the Iconoclast

“People of Springfield! I don’t know quite how to say this…” – Lisa Simpson “Don’t be shy, little girl! Think of Jebediah and the words’ll come.” – Mrs. Glick “I did a lot of research on Jebediah Springfield and…” – Lisa Simpson “I think I can pick her off.” – Sniper “Wait, let’s see what she has to say.” – Mayor Quimby

“Excuse me, my microwave johnnycakes are ready.” – Hollis Hurlbut

“Can you open my milk, mommy?” – Ralph Wiggum “I’m not mommy, Ralph. I’m Miss Hoover.” – Miss Hoover

“What would you say if I told you that Jebediah Springfield wasn’t as great as he’s cracked up to be? Look: Jebediah was really a vicious pirate named Hans Sprungfeld. His tongue was bitten off by a Turk in a grog house fight!” – Lisa Simpson

“Now, Lisa, when you see there’s no silver tongue in there, will you stop trying to ruin Jebediah’s reputation?” – Mayor Quimby “Yes.” – Lisa Simpson “What do we win if the tongue is there?” – Homer Simpson “Credibility.” – Mayor Quimby “Aww, what a gyp.” – Homer Simpson

“Congratulations, Ned, you are our new town crier.” – Mayor Quimby “D’oh!” – Homer Simpson “May your shrill, nasal voice ring throughout our streets and brains.” – Mayor Quimby

“You and your daughter ain’t welcome here no more! Barney, show ’em the exit.” – Moe “There’s an exit?” – Barney Gumble

“How about Town Crier? You’d be great at that.” – Lisa Simpson “You think so?” – Homer Simpson “Yeah, Dad, you’re a big fat loudmouth! And you can walk when you have to.” – Bart Simpson “Aww.” – Homer Simpson

“Is everything okay?  You look a bit flushed.” – Hollis Hurlbut “Oh, it’s just the excitement of studying Jebediah.” – Lisa Simpson “Sounds like you’ve come down with a serious case of Jebeditis.” – Hollis Hurlbut “Just when I was getting over my Chester A. Arthritis.” – Lisa Simpson “Haha . . . did, you had arthritis?” – Hollis Hurlbut “Um . . . no.” – Lisa Simpson

“Town Crier, I’d like to ask you a few questions.  One, where’s the fife?  And two, gimme the fife.” – Homer Simpson “Hey, stop!  I’ve got nothing but respect for the office of Town Crier, but this is well outside your jurisdiction!” – Hollis Hurlbut

“This case holds our most treasured exhibit, objects owned and used by Jebediah.  Here’s his fife, upon which he sounded the sweet note of freedom, his hatchet with which he hacked at the chains of oppression, and his . . . chamber pot.” – Hollis Hurlbut

“Oh, let me help you George Washington!  I still want to help you!” – Lisa Simpson “‘I want to help you George Washington’?  Even your dreams are square.” – Bart Simpson

“Egad, a monster!” – Settler #1 “It’s a horrible fiend!” – Settler #2 “It’s some sort of land cow.” – Settler #3

William Dawes (left) and Samuel Otis (right), images yoinked from respective Wikipedia articles. “You know, some historians consider Jebediah Springfield a minor patriot.  But I think you’ll fine he’s easily the equal of William Dawes or even Samuel Otis.” – Hollis Hurlbut 

“You are tampering with forces you can’t understand.  We have major corporations sponsoring this event.” – Mayor Quimby “I hope you know you’re sponsoring a celebration for a murderous pirate.” – Lisa Simpson “A pirate?  Well, that’s hardly the image we want for Long John Silver’s!” – Corporate Guy

“1796, a fiercely determined band of pioneers leaves Maryland after misinterpreting a passage in the Bible.  Their destination?  New Sodom.” – Filmstrip Narrator