“Father McGrath? I thought you were dead!” – Soap Opera Babe“I was!” – Father McGrath
Tag: Bart’s Dog Gets an F
Makeup Quote of the Day
“This one’s mine.” – Marge Simpson “Keep On Truckin’? What does that mean?” – Lisa Simpson “I didn’t know then and I don’t know now.” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
“You son of a bitch! . . . Good show!” – Emily Winthrop Happy birthday, Tracey Ullman!
Quote of the Day
“Jack, I think the baby might be yours.” – Soap Actress “Oh, I’m sure it is, dollface. But I’d like to see you prove it.” – Jack “You treat me like garbage.” – Soap Actress “That’s because that’s the way you love it, baby!” – Jack “Gee, is it always this good?” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, I don’t know. I just dip in and out. I’m only watching today because Brandy is coming out of her coma and she knows the phony prince’s body is hidden in the boathouse.” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Ow!” – Lisa Simpson “You just need to develop a callus. . . . You see? Now, that’s a sewing finger, honey!” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I’ve suffered as much as anyone at the paws of this dog. But when I look into his vacant brown eyes, I just can’t bear to let him go. I’m sure Mom agrees with me.” – Lisa Simpson “No, I’m afraid I agree with your father.” – Marge Simpson “You do? Ha ha ha ha!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Ladies and gentlemen, most of you already know that with a little love and compassion, any puppy will grow up to be a cuddly little bundle of joy. . . . Stuff and nonsense taught by charlatans and learned by bloody twits!” – Emily Winthrop Happy birthday Tracey Ullman!
Quote of the Day
“Look, Mom, I finished my patch! It depicts the two greatest musical influences in my life. On the left is Mr. Largo, my music teacher at school. He taught me that even the noblest concerto can be drained of its beauty and soul. And on the right is Bleeding Gums Murphy. He taught me that music is like a fire in your belly that comes out of your mouth, so you better stick an instrument in front of it.” – Lisa Simpson Happy birthday, Alf Clausen!
Quote of the Day
“Lenny, I need to leave early. Cover for me, will you?” – Homer Simpson “Hey, sure thing, Homer.” – Lenny
Book Review: The Simpsons and Their Mathematical Secrets
“What’s your favorite subject?” – Dr. Hibbert “Arithmetic.” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, arithmetic. Now, before you know it, you will be back among your polygons, your hypotenuse, and your Euclidean algorithms.” – Dr. Hibbert As an academic subject, math has always stood at the extreme end, as the hardest of the “hard” sciences. Even physics has uncertainty built right into it; math simply has things that have not yet been proven. That’s all well and good for mathematicians when it comes to inter-disciplinary dick measuring contests, but it also makes math more abstract and difficult to explain to the uninitiated.…
Quote of the Day
“There are two ways for a dog to relieve himself. One is like a faithful friend and partner for life. The other is like a hose without a fireman. Which way do you think that was, Mr. Simpson?” – Emily Winthrop “Like a hose . . . your wrinkled highness.” – Bart Simpson Happy birthday Tracey Ullman!
Quote of the Day
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user zappowbang. “I thought we agreed to consult each other before any major purchases.” – Marge Simpson “Well, you bought all those smoke alarms and we haven’t had a single fire.” – Homer Simpson
Bonus Quote of the Day
“No way, she’s faking! If Lisa stays home, I stay home.” – Bart Simpson “If Bart stays home, I’m going to school.” – Lisa Simpson “Fine. Then, wait a minute, if Lisa goes to school, then I go to school. But then Lisa stays home, so I stay home. So, Lisa goes to school . . .” – Bart Simpson “Lisa, don’t confuse your brother like that.” – Marge Simpson Happy 20th Anniversary to “Bart’s Dog Gets an F”! Original airdate 7 March 1991.
Crazy Noises: Homer the Father
“You know they got the Velcro straps, a water pump in the tongue, built in pedometer, reflective side walls, and little vanity license plates!” – Ned Flanders In our ongoing mission to bring you only the shallowest and laziest analysis of Zombie Simpsons, we’re keeping up our Crazy Noises series for Season 22. Since a podcast is so 2004, and video would require a flag, a fern and some folding chairs from the garage, we’ve elected to use the technology that brought the word “emoticon” to the masses: the chatroom. Star Trek image macros are strictly forbidden, unless you have…
Quote of the Day
“Is my dog dead, ma’am?” – Bart Simpson “You don’t know how often I’m asked that. ‘Choke chain’ is a misnomer, trust me, they are always breathing.” – Emily Winthrop Happy birthday Tracey Ullman!
Original Replaced with Bloated and Dull Facsimile
“Father McGrath, I thought you were dead!” – Soap Opera Babe “I was!” – Father McGrath In addition to taking up an enormous amount of barren screen time, last night’s death and immediate resurrection of Fat Tony was so blisteringly stupid that I’m not even sure which TV Trope applies. There are a lot of them about death and hacktacular resurrection, but a quick search didn’t turn up one where a long lost relative shows up, does nothing, and then becomes the replacement. The closest similarity that came to mind was Beerfest (which is the only non-Super Troopers movie from…
Quote of the Day
“You, wandering mongrel, get out of my mom and pop operation!” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Quote of the Day
“Uh, I changed my mind. I decided I don’t want these shoes.” – Homer Simpson “Hey, wait a minute, what happened here?” – Shoe Store Clerk “Well, my faithful dog was bringing me my shoes and they fell apart in his mouth.” – Homer Simpson “I’m sorry sir, our warranty doesn’t cover fire, theft or acts of dog.” – Shoe Store Clerk
Reading Digest: Sports Writing Edition
“Bad dog! Let go! Bad Santa’s Little Helper! Stop it . . . oh, not the sports section!” – Homer Simpson We have two links this week to pieces of sports writing. Once is coherent and well thought out, the other is not. It goes almost without saying, but the former includes excellent usage and the latter includes poor usage. There’s also a fictional teacher poll, a movie review, misspelled advocacy, vodka, a great tattoo, and lots of excellent usage. Enjoy. The Simpsons Movie Brings the Groove Back – Sort of – An opinion of the movie that’s more generous…
Bonus Quote of the Day
“Since you get paid either way, would it be a big deal to just let my dog pass?” – Bart Simpson “I see, rubber stamp, thank you very much, next in line, is that it?” – Emily Winthrop “Yeah.” – Bart Simpson “Heavens to Mergatroyd. Bart, perhaps I cling to the old ways like a well chewed shoe as the traditions I was weaned on are put to sleep or neutered one by one. But my time has not passed yet! The world does not need another college graduate who doesn’t know how to Sit!” – Emily Winthrop Happy Birthday…