Tag: Duffless

“You don’t have to start drinking right away. I was thinking we could go for a bike ride.” – Marge Simpson “But, Marge, the bar flies are expecting me, Moe and Barney and that guy who calls me Bill.” – Homer Simpson “But you look better! You don’t sweat while you eat anymore. And, look, you’ve saved more than a hundred dollars! I found it in your pants.” – Marge Simpson “Yoink!” – Homer Simpson

“It’s been four-thousand days since my last drink. It was my first and last blackberry schnapps.” – Ned Flanders “Ned, did you clip Ann Landers today?” – Maude Flanders “Ann Landers is a boring old biddy.” – Ned Flanders “Ned!” – Maude Flanders “I was more animal than man!” – Ned Flanders

“Hey, Barney, I think you’ve had enough.” – Homer Simpson “Are you crazy? We still haven’t tried Raspberry Duff, Lady Duff, Tartar Control Duff…” – Barney Gumble

“I want the most intelligent hamster you’ve got.” – Lisa Simpson “Okay . . . This little guy writes mysteries under the name of J.D. MacGregor.” – All Creatures Great and Cheap Clerk “How can a hamster write mysteries?” – Lisa Simpson “Well, he gets the ending first, then he works backward.” – All Creatures Great and Cheap Clerk “Aw, come on.” – Lisa Simpson “Look, kid, just take him before his mother eats him, alright?” – All Creatures Great and Cheap Clerk

“I’ve grown a futuristic tomato by fertilizing it with anabolic steroids.” – Lisa Simpson “The kind that help our Olympic athletes reach new peaks of excellence?” – Bart Simpson “The very same!” – Bart Simpson

“Hello?” – Marge Simpson “Uh, yeah, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.” – Chief Wiggum “Oh my God! He’s dead?” – Marge Simpson “Oh, wait, I mean DWI! I always get those two mixed up.” – Chief Wiggum “My name is Mrs. Phillips, you said my husband is DWI.” – Mrs. Phillips “Uh . . . why don’t you talk to that officer over there. I’m going out to lunch!” – Chief Wiggum

“My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I’m thirty-one years old!” – Hans Moleman

“Your license is hereby revoked! And you are to attend traffic school and two months of alconon meetings.” – Judge “Your honer, I’d like that last remark stricken from the record.” – Homer Simpson “No.” – Judge

“Homer, I want you to encourage Lisa with her science fair project.” – Marge Simpson “Yeah, syrup is better than jelly.” – Homer Simpson

“I propose to determine the answer to the question: is my brother dumber than a hamster.” – Lisa Simpson “Hey, Lis, look what I can do! . . . Doggone it.” – Bart Simpson

“The windup and the two-two pitch, oh, no, sir, wait a minute!  The batter is calling for time.  Looks like he’s going and getting himself a new bat.  And now there’s a beach ball on the field.  And the ballboys are discussing which one of them’s gonna go get it.” – Baseball Announcer “I never realized how boring this game is.” – Homer Simpson

“Behold gravity, in all its glory!” – Milhouse van Houten “Pretty lame, Milhouse.” – Mrs. Krabappel

“What does the future hold for Duff?  Let’s just say we’ve got a few ideas up our sleeve.” – Brewery Tour Guide “Like what?” – Homer Simpson “Um, I’d rather not get into it right now.” – Brewery Tour Guide “Why not?” – Homer Simpson “Alright, we don’t have any ideas for the future.  We got nothing.  Happy?” – Brewery Tour Guide “No.” – Homer Simpson

“Well, beer, we’ve had some great times . . . When I was seventeen, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID, My name was Brian McGee I stayed up listening to Queen When I was seventeen.” – Homer Simpson Happy 20th anniversary to “Duffless”!  Original airdate: 18 February 1993.

“Hi, I’m actor Troy McClure!  You might remember me from such driver’s ed films as Alice’s Adventures Through the Windshield Glass and the Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot.” – Troy McClure

“Do you ever hide beer around the house?” – Marge Simpson “Do I ever!” – Homer Simpson