“Ironic, isn’t it, Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That’s democracy for you!” – C.M. Burns “You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.” – Mr. Smithers Sam Simon would’ve been 63 today. Happy birthday.
Tag: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish
Quote of the Day
“Well, as long as I’m asking something, can I ask him to assuage my fears that he’s contaminating the planet in a manner that may one day render it uninhabitable?” – Lisa Simpson “No, dear, the card question will be fine.” – Burns for Governor Campaign Manager
Quote of the Day
“I wonder if he’s going to say anything about that horrible fish?” – Marge Simpson “Oh, Marge, what’s the big deal? I bet before the papers blew this out of proportion you didn’t even know how many eyes a fish had.” – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: [Yawn] What Time Is It?
“Just resting my eyes!” – Homer Simpson “Ah, well done, a rested employee is a vigilant employee.” – C.M. Burns “Monitoring station unmanned.” – Nuclear Inspector And we are back. I missed you all during my uneventful absence. I’m tentatively planning to do doing Reading Digest on Thursdays now, but we’ll see. Links, ahoy: Kamp Krusty – A great new fan site with a ton of Simpsons images and memes you can download. The creator was nice enough to email this in last month, and I’m just getting to it now. (If you’ve sent an e-mail to the deadhomersociety gmail account in the…
Epic Agreement (And Show Still on Hiatus)
“Holy moly, nine-thirty! Hello, Marge, sorry I didn’t call, but it’s been a madhouse down here. Yeah, these twelve hour days are killing me.” – Homer Simpson My apologies, but there won’t be a Reading Digest this week. I am eyeballs deep in my stupid real job. However, there are two things I’d like to note. First, the radio silence regarding the show being on hiatus continues. I checked a few staff Twitter accounts and haven’t seen peep outside of Jean responding to someone from No Homers that the negotiations are ongoing. (Sadly, Isabel Vega has deleted her Twitter account…
Behind Us Forever: Opposites A-frack
“Leave it to good old Mary Bailey to finally step in and do something about that hideous genetic mutation.” – Marge Simpson This week on Zombie Simpsons, Burns does something we saw him do much funnier twenty years ago, but he also falls in love and becomes a softy for a while. In between, Patty and Selma live with the Simpsons for a while, Marge, Lisa and Smithers vanish for most of the episode, Homer gets another new job, and there’s a big explosion. – No couch gag this week, so what they left in must be pure gold! –…
Quote of the Day
“Have you found any dirt on Mary Bailey?” – C.M. Burns “Well, we’ve gone through her garbage.” – Garbologist “We’ve talked to her maid.” – Mudslinger “And so far the only negative thing we have found is from some guy who dated her when she was sixteen.” – Garbologist “Ah, and?” – C.M. Burns “He felt her up.” – Muckraker “Bah, not good enough!” – C.M. Burns Happy birthday Wes Archer!
Quote of the Day
“So, kids, caught anything?” – Dave Shutton “Not yet, sir.” – Lisa Simpson “What are you using for bait?” – Dave Shutton “My brother’s using worms. But I, who feel the tranquility far outweighs the actual catching of fish, am using nothing.” – Lisa Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Gum used to seal crack in cooling tower.” – Nuclear Inspector “I’m as shocked as you are.” – C.M. Burns “Plutonium rod used as paper weight.” – Nuclear Inspector “Oh, now that shouldn’t be. . . . Yeah, well, that’s always been like that.” – C.M. Burns Happy birthday Wes Archer!
Simpsons Episodes for a Dreary Election
“You must have a few tricks left up your sleeve. Smithers, boil some coffee, we’re not licked yet!” – C.M. Burns “Yes we are. Come on boys, the old guy’s finished.” – Campaign Manager America’s biennial exercise in the most basic kind of math there is – counting – takes place today. And while there is unlikely to be any really useful information about just how large Kang’s victory margin will be until after 8pm Eastern time, that will not stop the internet, radio, and television (to say nothing of telegraph and telex machines) from pumping out breathless horseshit that…
Quote of the Day
“Burns, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to bribe me.” – Nuclear Inspector “Is there some confusion about this? Take it! Take it! Take it, you poor schmo.” – C.M. Burns
Compare & Contrast: Defeating the Bad Guy
“Wait, come back! You can’t do this to me! I’m Charles Montgomery Burns!” – C.M. Burns As an audience member, there are few things more satisfying that a good defeat of a wretched villain. Unfortunately, that also means when things go wrong, when the villain is bland or the ending is weak, it is correspondingly unsatisfying. At the end of the “The Book Job”, Homer and his improbable posse use what Lisa describes as an idea from “every movie ever” to stymie a book publisher who, despite what the music would have you believe, isn’t all that evil. I say…
Thanksgiving Programming Update
“Thank you for watching Movie for a Dreary Afternoon.” – TV Announcer Everything is a bit of a duketastrophe here in the States on account of Thanksgiving. But there will be a Crazy Noises tomorrow and there will quite likely be some kind of Reading Digest on Friday. Please stay tuned for paid political announcements brought to you by the Friends of Kang & Kodos: No, I don’t know why YouTube is in stretched widescreen now. Yes, here’s another one:
Quote of the Day
“Oh no, an election? That’s one of those deals where they close the bars, isn’t it?” – Barney Gumble “Sorry, Barney.” – Moe
Bonus Quote of the Day
“Mr. Burns, I hardly see what destroying our meager possessions is going to accomplish.” – Lisa Simpson “She’s right. Take me home, Smithers. We’ll destroy something tasteful.” – C.M. Burns Happy 20th Anniversary to “Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish”! Original airdate: 1 November 1990.
Reading Digest: Charts & Graphs Edition
xkcd #523 “Visual aids help so much, thank you.” – C.M. Burns This week we’ve got a graph about The Simpsons Movie and what must be one of the earliest examples of flow chart humor from none other than Matt Groening. There’s also the rare case of double excellent usage, some very poor usage, some merchandise, and a security company that sucks at the internet. Enjoy. Living in an abbr. world – Paraphrase or not, this is poor usage: Now I must admit that I grew up in the 1980s as part of the MTV generation so my attention span…
DHS Editorial: Monty Burns for NYC Mayor
“Get off your soapbox Simpson! Do you realize what it costs to run for office? More than any honest man can afford!” – C.M. Burns Both the current mayor of New York City and his predecessor attempted to stay in office for a third term. Rudy Giuliani was thwarted in his attempt, Michael Bloomberg had the foresight to change the rules well in advance and now looks set to hold his job past what terms limit laws originally dictated. As five time voters for Mayor “Diamond” Joe Quimby, The Dead Homer Society is, quite obviously, opposed to term limits…
Spurlock’s Choice
“The latest polls indicate you’re in danger of losing touch with the common man.” – Burns for Governor Campaign Manager “Oh dear, heaven forfend.” – C.M. Burns A couple weeks ago thetwocents.com had an interview with new Simpsons power broker Morgan Spurlock. The whole thing is worth reading, but there is one thing I wanted to flag. Q: What will the special entail? MS: Well, for me I think that the special will entail kind of us talking about the history of this show. I think the reason that they called me to begin with was to not have a…
Quote of the Day
“Well if I was governor I’d sure find better things to do with my time.” – Homer Simpson “Like what?” – Marge Simpson “Like getting Washington’s birthday and Lincoln’s birthday back as separate paid holidays. ‘President’s Day’, pffft, what a rip off.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Oh, hello Charles. Be a good fellow and tell our viewers about your Theory of Natural Selection.” – C.M. Burns “Glad to, Mr. Burns. You see, every so often Mother Nature changes her animals giving them bigger teeth, sharper claws, longer legs, or, in this case, a third eye.” – An Actor Portraying Charles Darwin