Tag: Two Dozen and One Greyhounds

“Mom, don’t give the puppies to him. He’ll be mean to them.” – Lisa Simpson “She’s right, Homer. There’s something about his face I don’t trust.” – Marge Simpson

“Your cable TV is experiencing difficulties. Please, do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.” – TV Announcer “Well, I’ll be damned.” – Chief Clancy Wiggum

“We could use a new pet over at the home, seeing how we accidentally killed that smart mouth bird.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

“Is that what we do in this family? When someone becomes an inconvenience we just get rid of them?” – Lisa Simpson “Hello? Is anybody there? Aww…” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

“Yeesh! This house stinks! You’re not just putting the new newspapers over the old newspaper, are you?” – Marge Simpson “Do you have a better idea?” – Homer Simpson

“Honestly, sir, you just don’t put the effort into your schemes that you used to.” – Mr. Smithers

“Hey, look, a really small dog just fell out of Santa’s girlfriend.” – Bart Simpson “Oh my God, she’s having babies!  Oh, I’m sorry, girl, I thought you were just getting fat.” – Marge Simpson

“I’m sorry, kids, I don’t think we’re ever gonna find your greyhounds.  Maybe Mr. Burns’ll sell you one of the twenty-five he got last night.” – Chief Wiggum

“We can’t lose!  Look at the name of the dog I bet on!” – Homer Simpson “She’s the Fastest?  Homer, I don’t think that means necessarily-” – Marge Simpson “And they’re off!  She’s the fasted jump out to an insurmountable lead!” – PA Announcer “You’re lucky you’ve got looks, Marge.” – Homer Simpson

“Oh, Homie, aren’t they adorable?” – Marge Simpson “Yes.  We’ve waited many years, but the good Lord has finally blessed us with a real family.” – Homer Simpson

“In today’s news, a two-ton rhino escaped from the Springfield zoo.  But zoo officials were quick to act, and Petunia, as she is known, is safely back in captivity.  In other news, a three-ton rhino that escaped from the zoo last week is still at large.” – Kent Brockman

“So that’s what’s been wrong with the little fella, he misses casual sex.” – Homer Simpson

“What’s Santa’s Little Helper doing to that dog?” – Lisa Simpson “Uh, oh.” – Marge Simpson “Looks like he’s trying to jump over her but he can’t quite make it.  Come on, boy, you can do it!” – Bart Simpson

“Excuse me, we’re having a problem with our dog.” – Marge Simpson “Lady, I’ll tell you what I’m telling everyone else.  I’m sorry if your dog went blind, but your gripe is with Hartz Mountain, not with me.” – Pet Store Guy

“Alright, who broke my vase?” – Marge Simpson “Who took all my test papers off the refrigerator and tore them up?” – Lisa Simpson “Who spread garbage all over Flanders’ yard before I got a chance to?” – Homer Simpson “Oh please, this is senseless destruction with none of my usual social commentary.” – Bart Simpson

“Always use fresh macaroni.  If the box rattles, throw it away.” – Kent Brockman

“Now, I know we love the puppies very much, but I think they’re getting to be a problem.” – Marge Simpson “Yeah, they ate all my socks.  I have to wear Lisa’s to school today.” – Bart Simpson “How do you explain the culottes, boy?” – Homer Simpson “Well, I have to coordinate, don’t I?” – Bart Simpson