“Ha ha, cops can’t win!” – Homer Simpson “Get his license and registration.” – Chief Wiggum “Right, Chief.” – Eddie
Tag: Homer at the Bat
Quote of the Day
“Ozzie Smith seems to have vanished off the face of the Earth.” – Mr. Smithers “Ahhhhhhhhh! . . . Cool! . . . Ahhhhhhhh!” – Ozzie Smith
Quote of the Day
“Hey, look at this, softball starts this week.” – Lenny “Softball! Who’s next?” – Homer Simpson “Nah. Count me out.” – Lenny “Not me.” – Charlie “No way.” – Carl “What’s the matter with you guys?” – Homer Simpson “Homer, last year we were two and twenty-eight!” – Lenny “Look, I know it wasn’t our best season.” – Homer Simpson “Actually, it was.” – Lenny
Quote of the Day
“Play ball!” – Umpire “Attention all units! Attention all units! Armored car being robbed at Fifth and Main!” – Radio Dispatcher “Turn off that damn radio!” – Chief Wiggum
Behind Us Forever: Treehouse of Horror XXVIII (Oh, and Morgan Spurlock returns)
“Oh, dear!” – Marge Simpson “No, Mom, it counts as a hit. Dad just won the game.” – Lisa Simpson “Well, I guess he’ll be happy when he comes to.” – Marge Simpson A few quick breakdowns: I finally watched that “Springfield of Dreams” special that FOX Sports paid Morgan Spurlock to produce to commemorate Homer’s induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame. It’s fine. Not great. Not terrible. Maybe a little too long and uneven, but watchable.Spurlock put his rolodex to work and brought in a crapton of famous people, some of whom work out better than others. Joe…
Quote of the Day
“I get fifty thousand dollars to play one game?” – Jose Canseco “That’s right, Mr. Canseco.” – Mr. Smithers “Well, it’s a pay cut, but what the hey, it sounds like fun.” – Jose Canseco
Quote of the Day
“Hey, sorry! I thought you were a deer.” – Mike Scioscia “That’s okay, happens all the time.” – Mr. Smithers
Quote of the Day
“What are you going to do with your million dollars, sir?” – Mr. Smithers “Oh, I don’t know. Throw it on the pile, I suppose.” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“But first, let’s see it again in super slow motion.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Take a knee, boys. Tomorrow is the biggest day of your lives: the Shelbyville game. So lights out at 7:30, and abstain from coffee, tea, and cola drinks. Make no mistake, they pack a wallop.” – C.M. Burns “Sure do, skip!” – Darryl Strawberry
Compare & Contrast: Hypnotic Personality Changess
“What about Clemens?” – C.M. Burns “Sir, he’s in no condition to play.” – Mr. Smithers A person suddenly changing their whole personality basically only happens in fiction. It can be the steel screw who becomes a softy, the wallflower gaining rock solid confidence, even the idiot who’s suddenly smart. The usual way to do this is with a bonk on the head, which generally comes complete with a second one near the end to put everything back the way it was. (NOTE: Brains don’t actually work that way, please do not attempt at home.) Sometime in the very early…
Quote of the Day
“The dryer goes on the right.” – Woman “Yes, ma’am.” – Jose Canseco Happy birthday Maggie Roswell!
Quote of the Day
“You make me sick, Homer. You’re the one who told me I could do anything if I just put my mind to it!” – Bart Simpson “Well, now that you’re a little bit older, I can tell you that’s a crock! No matter how good you are at something there’s always about a million people better than you.” – Homer Simpson “Gotcha. Can’t win, don’t try.” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Mmm, donuts.” – Homer Simpson “Hey, Homer, slow down! You’re gonna choke or something.” – Lenny “Don’t tell me how to eat donuts!” – Homer Simpson “Hey, Homer’s choking again.” – Carl “Hmm, isn’t there a first aid chart around here somewhere?” – Lenny “Somebody scare him.” – Carl “That’s for the hiccups.” – Charlie Happy birthday John Swartzwelder!
Quote of the Day
“Okay, Homer, bases loaded and you’re up. Where’s that secret weapon?” – Carl “Check it out, boys, my magic bat.” – Homer Simpson “That’s it?” – Carl “Yeah, I got a magic bat, too.” – Lenny “And I got an enchanted jockstrap.” – Carl
Quote of the Day
“It all started last year during a terrible thunderstorm when I locked myself out of the house. Sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal, I ran for cover under the tallest tree I could find!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Alright Simpson, let’s go over the signals. If I tuck the bill of my cap like so . . .” – C.M. Burns “Yeah.” – Homer Simpson “. . . it means the signal is a fake.” – C.M. Burns “Uh-huh.” – Homer Simpson “However, I can take that off by dusting my hands thusly.” – C.M. Burns “Got it.” – Homer Simpson “If I want you to bunt, I will touch my belt buckle not once, not twice, but thrice.” – C.M. Burns “Uh-oh, I don’t understand a word he’s saying. Why doesn’t he just let me bat? I…
Quote of the Day
“Wow! How many home runs you gonna hit with that?” – Bart Simpson “Let’s see, we play thirty games, ten at bats a game . . . three thousand.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“You’re Darryl Strawberry.” – Homer Simpson “Yes.” – Darryl Strawberry “You play right field.” – Homer Simpson “Yes.” – Darryl Strawberry “I play right field too.” – Homer Simpson “So?” – Darryl Strawberry “Well, are you better than me?” – Homer Simpson “Well, I never met you, but . . . yes.” – Darryl Strawberry
Wonder-Homer
“Something told me this was a very special, very magical piece of wood . . . that I could make a bat out of.” – Homer Simpson What do you see in the picture below? If all you see is a pile of wood in a plastic bad then you are only partially correct. For at the time this picture was taken, one of those pieces of wood held a bitching carving of Homer Simpson. Click here for the full gallery of images, from unformed to carefully carved with hair on top. I know I say this a lot, but…