Tag: Homer vs. Patty And Selma

“Evening, Simpson. You got a short in your tail light. Started blinking when you made that turn.” – Chief Wiggum

“Try to be nice to my sisters. It’s very hard on me to have you fighting all the time.” – Marge Simpson “Oh, okay, Marge! I’ll get along with them! Then I will hug some snakes. Yes! I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes! . . . Now that’s sarcasm.” – Homer Simpson

“These are yours, sir?” – DMV Boss “Yes. I am in flavor country.” – Homer Simpson “Both of them?” – DMV Boss “It’s a big country.” – Homer Simpson “Ladies, I apologize. And you, sir, are worse than Hitler.” – DMV Boss

“Oh, I’ll never pay off that debt!” – Homer Simpson “Need money fast? Got no experience? Set up, to elegance! Become a limo driver at Classy Joe’s.” – TV Announcer “That’s it! I’ll make money with a chauffeur job! Good thing you turned on that TV, Lisa.” – Homer Simpson “I didn’t turn it on. I thought you turned it on.” – Lisa Simpson “No. Well, anyway, turn it off.” – Homer Simpson “It is off.” – Lisa Simpson

“Am I wrong, or did it just get fatter in here?” – Patty Bouvier

“How’s Dad today?” – Lisa Simpson “Not too good, Lisa. Frankly, he’s underneath the table.” – Marge Simpson “Nobody make me any breakfast. A man so deeply in debt doesn’t deserve it.” – Homer Simpson “But I like to make you breakfast!” – Marge Simpson “In that case, I’ll just have french toast with double butter and a side of bacon. But no powdered sugar, I don’t deserve it. . . . Maybe a little powdered sugar.” – Homer Simpson

“I’m sorry, Homer doesn’t mean to be rude. He’s just a very complicated man.” – Marge Simpson “Wrong!” – Homer Simpson

“Since you’re trying to make a getaway in park, I’m guessing you don’t have a license.” – Chief Wiggum

“Alright, girls, today we learn the Dance of the Fairy Queens. You can either be a fairy or a queen. It’s wide open!” – Ballet Instructor

“Homer, why didn’t you tell me?” – Marge Simpson “I was ashamed, Marge.  I failed you as a husband and a provider, and at best I was a B+ dog.  I’ll understand if you want to sleep on the couch tonight.” – Homer Simpson

“Uh, I need another extension on my mortgage payments.” – Homer Simpson “I understand that, Mr. Simpson, but according to our computer, your credit history is not good.  It says here that you’ve been pre-declined for every major credit card.  It also says that you once grabbed a dog by the hind legs and pushed him around like a vacuum cleaner.” – Bank of Springfield Guy “That was in the third grade!” – Homer Simpson “Yeah, well, it all goes on your permanent record.” – Bank of Springfield Guy

“Daddy has very important work to do; he’s looking through the want ads to find a part time job.” – Homer Simpson “Dad, that’s a gag paper we got at the carnival.” – Lisa Simpson “Oh.  No wonder I didn’t hear about Bart being elected World’s Greatest Sex Machine.” – Homer Simpson

“You’re certainly in a good mood tonight, Dad.” – Lisa Simpson “Well, Lisa, I managed to solve a little problem today.  And to celebrate, I’m going to tilt my chair. . . . Mmm, slanty.” – Homer Simpson

“Sure, Homer, I can loan you all the money you need.  However, since you have no collateral, I’m gonna have to break your legs in advance.” – Moe “Oh, gosh, Moe, I use these all the time.  Couldn’t you just bash my head in?” – Homer Simpson “Hey!  Hey!  Are you a loan shark?  You you understand how finance works?  Now let’s do this thing.” – Moe

“To Homer, and to Sgt. Pepper, who’s growing out of the middle of your back.” – Barney Gumble “Uh, Barn, you gotta unwrap the plastic before you smoke these.” – Moe