Tag: The Day the Violence Died

“That does it! One of them has to go!” – Marge Simpson “Okay. Grampa.” – Homer Simpson “No.” – Marge Simpson

“As for the rest of it, I’m gonna buy the one thing I’ve been dreaming of all the years I spent in the gutter: a solid gold house.” – Chester J. Lampwick

“That drawing is worth exactly seven-hundred and fifty dollars American.” – Comic Book Guy “It’s valuable, huh?” – Bart Simpson “Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional! I simply can’t allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment! Go! Go! For the good of the city!” – Comic Book Guy

“Alright, gentlemen, I’ll take your case. But I’m going to have to ask for a thousand dollar retainer.” – Lionel Hutz “A thousand dollars? But your ad says no money down!” – Bart Simpson “They got this all screwed up.” – Lionel Hutz “So you don’t work on a contingency basis?” – Bart Simpson “No, money down! . . . Oops, shouldn’t have this bar association logo here either.” – Lionel Hutz

“Now, Mr. Lampwick, when Roger Meyers stole your character-” – Lionel Hutz “Objection.” – Blue Haired Lawyer “Sustained.” – Judge Snyder “If I hear ‘objection’ and ‘sustained’ one more time today, I think I’m going to scream!” – Lionel Hutz “Objection.” – Blue Haired Lawyer “Sustained.” – Judge Snyder “Ahhhhhhhhh!” – Lionel Hutz

“Roger Meyer’s junior’s in charge of the studio now. He’s a good man. Every Christmas he goes down to the pound and rescues one cat and one mouse and gives them to a hungry family.” – Bart Simpson

“Itchy runs afoul of an Irishman.” – Bart Simpson Happy 20th Anniversary to “The Day the Violence Died”! Original airdate 17 March 1996.

“You invented Itchy?  The Itchy & Scratchy Itchy?” – Bart Simpson “Sure.  In fact, I invented the whole concept of cartoon violence.  Before I came along, all cartoon animals did was play the ukulele.  I changed all that.” – Chester J. Lampwick “Well, I’m not calling you a liar, but . . . but I can’t think of a way to finish that sentence.” – Bart Simpson

“And now the parade has entered Bumtown!  Oh, it’s all just so exciting, Dave!” – Suzanne Somers “This certainly seems to be a poorly planned parade route.” – Not David Brinkley

“I give up; there’s nothing we can do.” – Lisa Simpson “Yeah, I agree.  You want to start on trying to get Apu out of jail?” – Bart Simpson “Okay.” – Lisa Simpson

“Save our seats!” – Bart Simpson “Will do!” – Homer Simpson “Hello.” – Strange Man “Oh.” – Homer Simpson

“I don’t have the money to produce the cartoons!  I lost everything!  I can’t even keep my Dad’s head in the freaking cryogenic center anymore. . . . You comfortable in there, daddy?” – Roger Meyers Jr.

“Mom, there’s a weird smell and a lot of cursing coming from the basement, and Dad’s upstairs.” – Lisa Simpson

“Keep the trial going, I’ll be right back.” – Bart Simpson “Your honor, I’d like to call all of my surprise witnesses again.” – Lionel Hutz

“I don’t need any more money.  I’m not greedy.  As long as I’ve got my health and my millions of dollars and my gold house and my rocket car, I don’t need anything else.” – Chester J. Lampwick

“Show some respect, man.  That no talent created Itchy & Scratchy.” – Bart Simpson “He didn’t create Itchy, I did.” – Chester Lampwick “Huh?” – Bart Simpson “He stole the character from me in 1928.  When I complained, his thugs kicked me out of his office and dropped an anvil on me.  Luckily, I was carrying an umbrella at the time.” – Chester Lampwick