“Bart, leave that crowbar here! You know I don’t like you prying and jimmying.” – Marge Simpson
Tag: The PTA Disbands
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Alright, the battlefield is just a half mile ahead. Begin braking procedure!” – Principal Skinner
Quote of the Day
“Lousy teachers, trying to palm off our kids on us.” – Homer Simpson “But, Dad, by striking they’re trying to affect a change in management so that they can be happier and more productive.” – Lisa Simpson “Lisa, if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way!” – Homer Simpson
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“Otto, why don’t you get some more gas. Here’s the ‘credit card’.” – Principal Skinner “Ugh.” – Otto “And a mint for afterwards!” – Principal Skinner
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“Simpson, I always thought you were sneaky and manipulative. But now I see you’re really a very sensitive little boy.” – Principal Skinner “Thank you, sir.” – Bart Simpson “Aww.” – Principal Skinner
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“Five dollars a child? Last year it was free!” – Principal Skinner “Enh. New ownership.” – Fort Springfield Ticket Lady
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“Ow! My bones are so brittle, but I always drink plenty of . . . Malk?” – Bart Simpson Happy 20th Anniversary to “The PTA Disbands”! Original airdate 16 April 1995.
Compare & Contrast: Pranking the New Teacher
“Kids have been doing that one since my day.” – Marge Simpson Rather than get into the nonsensical pageant of the transmundane that was the last third of “Blazed and Confused”, I’d like to take a look at a small moment from the beginning that illustrates the general shallowness of this episode. Specifically, the way that Bart’s closet/skeleton “prank” fails as both a prank, a joke, and as a part of the rest of the episode, especially when compared with Bart’s similar actions in “The PTA Disbands”. While the backstories differ considerably, the immediate situation in both episodes is remarkably similar. In each one, the kids have a new teacher about whom they know basically nothing other than, as Bart says, “They’re trying to teach”. Also in each, Bart has prepared an elaborate booby trap to welcome the newly unfortunate teacher. This is where the two episodes diverge. In “Blazed and Confused”, Bart has hidden a remote control car and a skeleton in the closet at the back of the room. His plan is to bump the car into the door a couple of times to get the teacher to investigate; when the door is opened, the skeleton drops from the ceiling, presumably frightening the teacher. This is, to put it mildly, a very pedestrian prank. It wouldn’t be all that hard to set up in real life. Unless the person involved was very high strung or this was being done late at night on Halloween or something, it probably wouldn’t frighten anyone so much as briefly puzzle them. For proof, look no further than “Bart Carney”, which did the exact same thing as an example of something that was indefensibly lame. “That was just confusing.” To be fair to Zombie Simpsons, upon seeing Bart’s hapless skeleton trick, Milhouse says that it’s only kinda scary. So they’re aware that this is not one of Bart’s masterpieces. But they still have him go through with it, thinking it’ll work. It’s Bart doing what so many characters do in Zombie Simpsons: act contrary to who he is. Similarly, later in the episode, Marge will blindly trust Homer to do something that the Marge of Season 6 would never blindly trust Homer to do. The situations and story requirements are so dumb that they require the characters to act like lifeless versions of themselves just to get from scene to scene. Bart’s prank, which they show us twice, is something the Bart of “The PTA Disbands” would scoff at. He’s the kid who hung a giant log from the ceiling to smash some unsuspecting teacher back into the blackboard. It would probably be fatal in real life, but that doesn’t matter because this is a cartoon and nothing bad actually happens. Bart leaps to his mother’s rescue, and she, having nearly just killed, fondly intones that kids have been attacking their teachers Ewok-style since she was in school. This is one of those multi-layer jokes that made this show so damned funny. There’s 1) the over the…
Quote of the Day
“My teacher’s a nightmare! Three kids got sick from inhaling his ointment fumes, he confiscated everything made of tin, and then he sent us home early because he got his beard caught in the pencil sharpener.” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, okay, um, here . . . Oh!, uh, okay, let’s see, um, what if I did this? . . . You’re on your own!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Reading Digest: Spreading Stupidity Edition
“Now for operation Strike Make Go Longer. . . . You know, I heard Skinner say the teachers will crack any minute.” – Bart Simpson “Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute, purple monkey dishwasher.” – Teacher “Well, we’ll show him! Especially for that purple monkey dishwasher remark.” – Mrs. Krabappel Sorry for the later than usual posting, but that Uproxx/Warming Glow thing was just too damn dumb to be dealt with in a snarky sentence or two. (That it came on a blog named after a Simpsons joke is just aggravazing.) As you’ll see, the stupid has already spread to the A.V. Club, though they were at least a little circumspect, and from there it’ll just keep going, giving rhetorical ammunition to all kinds of shallow arguments and internet trolls. Feh. Anywho, this week we’ve got two more people cracking wise about the looming catastrophe that is the Family Guy crossover, a sweet Lego Springfield, several cool pieces of fan art (including some mashup posters), two political links (one from Alabama, the other from Russia/Ukraine), and a new officially licensed book. Enjoy. The Most Iconic Buildings in Springfield From ‘The Simpsons’ Rebuilt in LEGO – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week has already been up for a while, but is damned impressive. The tire fire is just superb. Minimalistic Poster by Karl Bembridge – Excellent fan made poster featuring nothing but Marge’s hair. The Simpsons get political in art pieces – The same guy who had Marge and other cartoon characters as beaten up wives now has several of them asking to free Gaza. Say this for the guy, he knows how to attract attention. How Bart Simpson was dragged into the war of words against Putin – Someone photoshopped the opening sequence to call Vladimir Putin a “dickhead”. Heh. Simpsons Mash Ups – Some of these I’ve seen before, some of them I haven’t, and there are some very good ones. Conan to perform The Simpsons ‘Monorail’ song with gay choir – That show at the Hollywood Bowl looks increasingly impressive. Maybe they’ll end up putting it on YouTube for the rest of us? The Decline and Fall of The Simpsons: Rape jokes in Springfield – There was too much criticism of the Family Guy crossover for just one week to contain, so here’s some more: I’m not being holier-than-thou. “The Simpsons” has never shied away from dark subjects – Moe himself is a case in point. He is a violent man with a history of criminal activities. He has variously been depicted as homicidal, syphilitic and even as a stalker who is also a registered sex offender. And yet the character has been allowed many moments of nuance and tenderness too. Although an especially-ugly yellow-skinned cartoon character, Moe Szyslak is a recognisably-human character who has clearly known love and loss. Yup. Trailer Talk- The Simpsons Guy – And along similar lines: What bothers me most about this crossover is that “Family Guy” and “The Simpsons” have very different cultures and senses of humor. The first being…
Quote of the Day
“Seymour, you are truly incompetent.” – Superintendent Chalmers “Well, I hardly think it’s fair-” – Principal Skinner “Dummy up, you! Listen to those passing motorists who support the teachers!” – Superintendent Chalmers
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“But we don’t have that kind of money. In fact, no school could afford-” – Principal Skinner “Here’s the admission, plus something for you. See that they get a little extra education, would you?” – Principal Valiant “Yes, sir, Principal Valiant!” – Fort Springfield Ticket Taker “He thinks he’s so hot ever since he swept the Princy Awards. Well, those things are rigged.” – Principal Skinner
Reading Digest: Missing Canadian Edition
“It took the children forty minutes to locate Canada on the map.” – Marge Simpson “Marge, anyone can miss Canada, all tucked away down there.” – Homer Simpson Whenever Zombie Simpsons hitches its fading star to a currently popular celebrity, your Katys Perry and Ladys Gaga, the internet throws a brief but mild fit wherein huge numbers of pop culture sites that normally couldn’t give a fuck about the show write about how Celebrity X is gonna be Simpsonized. That very thing happened this week in regards to Justin Bieber’s brief and pointless cameo, so it’s a bit of a clipped Reading Digest. Bieber clogged the tubes, and once you’ve read one blog post lamenting the brevity of his appearance, you’ve read all several thousand of them. Besides that deliberate omission, we’ve got some cool fan art, a statistical analysis of other celebrity guests, some excellent usage, several people who agree with us, some (possibly dubious) statistics about Duff, and a plastic donut. Enjoy. Oh, and this is basically obligatory today: The Curse of the Simpsons! – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this statistical look at whether or not guest voicing on The Simpsons is bad for your health. Short answer, no: So there is no curse, celebrities who appear on the Simpsons live about an extra 3 years (on average at least). If we look at the ages Simpson guests have been dying, the average is 76 years, with some folks pushing 100. No wonder they keep having pointless cameos like Bieber and Captain Picard, it makes people live longer. Jean’s probably got a lucrative, off the books sideline in selling guest spots. (At this rate, Bieber’s going to be alive until 2130.) Went to get my oil changed and found this… – This is a reddit link to a positively amazing set of images of styrofoam cups with elaborate drawings, including the Simpson family on the inside of one. Bizarro Baseball: the Isotopes – Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made: Perhaps the strangest, most incredible part of this origin story lies in the annals (or lack thereof) of subsidiary rights: In the three months after the team’s name was announced in September 2002, before the team ever took the field, the team sold more merchandise than the Albuquerque Dukes sold in any single season, and led minor league baseball in merchandising revenue in 2003. The real life Simpsons: The Groening family tree – This is what happens when you have to come up with characters in the waiting cubicle at 1987 FOX. Canadian ‘couch gag’ a dream come true for ‘Simpsons’ fan – So that couch gag contest they’re running isn’t just a desperate ploy for attention, it’s an internationally desperate ploy for attention: Savaya, 22, earned the trip to Hollywood by coming up with a “couch gag” for the opening credits of the season 24 finale of The Simpsons. It airs Sunday at 8:30 p.m. on Global. Savaya’s couch gag…
Quote of the Day
“You have to start putting money back into the school. You’ve cut back on everything, salaries, supplies, the food! I don’t care what you say, I can taste the newspaper.” – Mrs. Krabappel “Bosh, shredded newspapers add much needed roughage and essential inks. Besides, you didn’t notice the old gym mats.” – Principal Skinner “There’s very little meat in these gym mats.” – Lunchlady Doris
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“Lisa, get in here. . . . In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!” – Homer Simpson
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“Talking out of turn, that’s a paddling. Looking out the window, that’s a paddling. Staring at my sandals, that’s a paddling. Paddling the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that’s a paddling.” – Jasper
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“Hey, now that Largo’s gone we can play the forbidden music.” – Database Happy birthday Danny Elfman!
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“We do have an emergency plan in case of a prolonged strike right here. Let’s see, replace teachers with super intelligent cyborgs. Or, if cyborgs aren’t invented yet, use people from the neighborhood.” – Ned Flanders
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“The only books we have are ones that were banned by other schools.” – Mrs. Krabappel “Well, the kids have to learn about TekWar sooner or later.” – Principal Skinner
Reading Digest: Quadruple Agreement Edition
“Well, I guess this is a case where we’ll have to agree to disagree.” – Ned Flanders “I don’t agree to that.” – Principal Skinner “Neither do I.” – Mrs. Krabappel Most weeks I come across at least one person who, in talking about The Simpsons, will mention its precipitous decline in quality. This week I came across four – count ’em four! – such people. (One of them even used the term “Zombie Simpsons”.) So the end of this week’s Reading Digest is pure catnip, but there’s a bunch of other fun stuff as well. There’s a crazy fun Simpsons mural, a nice little anecdote about the show’s global ability to teach English to the youth, plenty of usage, and even an interview with the woman who played Marge in the Simpsons porn parody. Enjoy. Five and Alive: Simpsons Melos – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is a breakdown of some excellent quotes from “Homerpalooza” and how they apply to music and the music business today. Example: Lisa Simpson: "It may be bleak, but this music is really getting to the crowd." Bart Simpson: "Eh, making teenagers depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel." Why is this funny now? The term "emo kid" and how ’90s mainstream alt rock was as depressing as its underground parallel. Nick’s commentary: Bummed out teenagers don’t want to listen to lame, happy-sounding music- they want to sink even deeper into their own heads and listen to bleak, depressing music. for some reason that’s just a psychological thing and it always has been. I’m sure that scientific studies can trace it back to fucking Joy Division. Like “Homer at the Bat”, it’s amazing that an episode so obviously of its time has aged so well. That episode was first broadcast fifteen years ago, hip-hop and rock have been through like ten phases each since then. Jordan J Weber: Molly Free and I killin a mural outside Best Place Ever in Dogstown Des Moines (24th and University) – Several pictures of an amazing, surreal and enormous Simpsons mural in Iowa (via). If the Republican frontrunners were Simpson characters – This is all images and is pretty good, though I might have gone with Helen Lovejoy or Lindsey Naegle for Michele Bachmann. Film News In Brief 08/15: Edgar Wright, Alex Pardee, Kevin Smith, AMC Sucks, Film Quotes, Simpsons – Scroll to the bottom for an indisputably awesome cosplay picture that has been making the rounds all week. I wonder if these people were the same ones referenced in the article about Classic Simpsons trivia night I linked last week: Another woman came dressed as “Floreda,” the awful state costume Homer made for Lisa. Create The Itchy and Scratchy Show Retro Version on Illustrator – Extremely detailed instructions for drawing an authentic looking retro-1950s Itchy & Scratchy title card. Walkers crisps is top children’s brand in the UK – The Simpsons are the second most recognized brand among British children age 7-15. Here’s the top…