“Man, what a day. It’s no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and a family like so many juggling balls . . . two, I suppose.” – Wiggum, P.I.
Tag: The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
Quote of the Day
“Welcome back! I’m talking with the curator of the museum of TV and Television, Mr. John Winslow.” – Troy McClure
Thursday Evening Cartoons: The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
“Big Daddy’s trademark calling card. See, it’s right here inside the skull.” – Skinny Boy Note: Surgery yesterday went about as well as having someone deliberately cut you open and drill holes in you can go. My left collar bone has now been re-attached to my shoulder using ligaments from a cadaver, which means that it is technically a Zombie Shoulder. So if I suddenly start liking it when celebrities walk on screen from nowhere, I will blame my left (or sinister) hand. In the meantime, I’ve got a lot of couch time ahead of me, and since I am semi-loopy on legal heroin right now, blogging about cartoons seems like the right thing to do. There are a lot of episodes in Season 8 that I didn’t like at first and later grew on me, but I always liked “The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase”. Similar to “The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochy Show”, this was one of the last times The Simpsons took aim at fellow television programs before taking a few (sadly prescient) potshots at itself. (We have now seen plenty of magic powers, and I think Selma has gotten married at least three more times.) The variety segment and the “Love-Matic Grampa” are both excellent parodies of their respective genres, but for me the standout here has always been “Wiggum P.I.”. Even as a kid I hated laughtracks, so I never watched a lot of sitcoms, and I was just a few years too young to get over-exposed to the likes of Osmond family variety shows. But I watched plenty of Magnum P.I., The A-Team, and Riptide (a swiftly cancelled bad idea that was cool to seven-year-old me because they had a big helicopter and a freakin’ robot). My hands down favorite was Airwolf, which had a Voltron style stock intro they used whenever they fired up the helicopter at the end to blow up whatever hapless kidnapper/smuggler/generic bad guy was on that week. These shows were bad and dumb for a lot of reasons, but they’re near perfect parody targets because they were Swiss-watch level repetitive. Here in the days of serialized dramas it’s easy to forget that the thousands and thousands of episodes of those old detective and mystery shows were almost entirely one-offs. (A two parter with a cliffhanger was a once or twice a season exception.) Each story had to wrap up completely at the end of the episode so they could be syndicated out of order, which meant that they followed a rigid template. First there’s a crime of some kind, or some “old friend” of one of the main characters (never heard from before or since) who needs help. From there we get a skirmish or two with the bad guys, which would usually end with someone or something that needed rescuing. That was followed by the required Act 2-3 break, which was very show specific. On The A-Team, they would make a plan and build some stuff while the theme music played, on Airwolf they would go get in the…
Quote of the Day
“Spin-off! Is there any word more thrilling to the human soul?” – Troy McClure Happy 20th Anniversary to “The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase”! Original airdate 11 May 1997.
Quote of the Day
“What do you suppose the rent is on a hideout like that?” – Wiggum, P.I. “It’s not rented, Chief, it’s stolen. That’s the Louisiana governor’s mansion. It’s been missing for eight months.” – Skinny Boy
Quote of the Day
“If it isn’t my old friends from Springfield, the Simpsons! What brings you folks to New Orleans?” – Clancy Wiggum, P.I. “Mardi gras, man! When the Big Easy calls, you gotta accept the charges.” – Bart Simpson “Chief Wiggum, I can’t wait to hear about all the exciting, sexy adventures you’re sure to have against this colorful backdrop.” – Lisa Simpson Happy birthday Bill Oakley!
Quote of the Day
“Daddy, when I grow up, I wanna be just like you.” – Ralph Wiggum “Better start eating, kid.” – Skinny Boy “Start eating?” – Wiggum P.I. “I didn’t mean that way!” – Ralph Wiggum Happy Birthday Matt Groening!
Quote of the Day
“Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me form such TV-spin-offs as ‘Son of Sanford and Son’, and ‘After Mannix’.” – Troy McClure
Quote of the Day
“He’s gradually getting away, Chief.” – Skinny Boy “Ah, let him go. I have a feeling we’ll meet again, each and every week, always in more sexy and exciting ways.” – Wiggum P.I.
Quote of the Day
“You know what’s great about you, Betty, is, you’re letting your looks go gracefully. You’re not all hung up on looking attractive and desirable, it’s just so rare and refreshing.” – Moe
Summer Schedule, Guest Posts, and Free Swag
“Not long ago, the FOX Network approached the producers of The Simpsons with a simple request: thirty-five new shows to fill a few holes in their programming lineup. That’s a pretty daunting task, and the producers weren’t up to it. Instead, they churned out three Simpsons spin-offs, transplanting already popular characters into new locales and situations.” – Troy McClure With Season 23 now rapidly fading into the indistinct blob that is Zombie Simpsons, it’s time for us to get started on our summer schedule. As you can see from the chart below, there are some blank spots on it. We will be doing Crazy Noises for Season 11, and the first of those should be along later this week. I’m also going to do some more commentary posts from earlier seasons. But even that will leave lots of days around here that can only be filled by exploiting other people’s time and labor. So, just like last summer, we’re going to pass the days by not paying other people to write blog posts for us. Last year we had a bunch of great entries (check out out Company Eating Rules category), including several lists, personal essays, and analyses of different show eras. If you’ve got a blog or other website, we’ll not only link to it, but you can cross post your article there as well. Pictures and images are welcome, and just about any topic that’s Simpsons related is okay by us. As a special incentive for anyone in the Washington D.C. area, we’re giving away free tickets to “Mr. Burns, A Post Electric Play”. Thanks to my relentless linking to their blog the last few weeks, the theater’s social media person got in contact with us last Friday. Neither Dave, Mad Jon, nor myself are in D.C. or are going to be there before the play closes, but rather than turn down free stuff, we thought it better to give the tickets to the first person who offers to see it and write a review for us. So if you can make it down to the Woolly Mammoth theater in the next couple of weeks, and you’ve got a 500-1500 word review in you, e-mail me and we’ll talk. Anyone else who wants to write a guest post for us should e-mail me as well, though your only compensation will be the enjoyable pride of a job well done. That’s not as cool as free tickets, but we have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
Quote of the Day
“I was just in a car accident, can I use your phone?” – Betty “Uh, using the phone’s a four drink minimum.” – Moe
Quote of the Day
“Daddy, these rubber pants are hot.” – Ralph Wiggum “You wear ’em until you learn, son.” – Clancy Wiggum
Destroying Zombie Simpsons to Save It
“We’re like this all the time.” – Marge Simpson In response to the renewal news, Split Sider published a list of six ways to improve Zombie Simpsons. They’re willing to acknowledge that the show is a shadow of itself, but they’re still operating under the illusion that it is capable of getting better. It isn’t. Moreover, of the six suggestions they offer, only two of them could result in any real changes, and those would both basically end the show. Before we get to that, however, we should first note that nothing like this is ever going to happen. Zombie Simpsons has been stuck in a creative rut for for a decade and change, but the rut pays the bills and then some. If the recent contract extension is proof of anything it’s that the show, as flat, lifeless and fan displeasing as it is, remains profitable. But even if we set aside the practical and business considerations and focus exclusively on the creative side, the changes are doomed to fail. Here are the six suggestions: 1. Less Bart-Centric Episodes 2. Get Rid of the Fourth Act 3. Age the Show 4. No More “THE SIMPSONS ARE GOING TO…” 5. Unconventional, High Concept Episodes 6. A Season-Long Arc I’ll agree that #2 is just a bad way to run a television show, but Zombie Simpsons sucked long before the addition of the third commercial break, so I don’t think that one is going to help much. Three of them, #1, #4, and #5, are all variations on a theme. The fifth one is a call for more of a certain kind of episode, the other two are calls for less of other kinds. These seem unlikely to help much for the same reason dropping the fourth act wouldn’t help: Zombie Simpsons has long been terrible across all of these kinds of episodes. Even if they did drop the annual travel episode in favor of more flashback/flashforward type episodes, it wouldn’t make much difference. The two interesting suggestions are #3 and #6. Unfortunately, doing either one of them would mark a permanent break with The Simpsons, which is the last thing a show staggering along on nostalgia wants to do. First, consider #6, having a season long plot arc. Here’s the explanation: Even after 10 years of supposedly subpar episodes, The Simpsons will still go down as the greatest comedy, possibly show, of all-time. There’s nothing the writers can do to hurt the show’s legacy, so why not do something extreme? For instance, why not have a season-long arc? Do the high concept episodes in season 24, and have season 25 be focused on a single topic. Maybe Mr. Burns can die and the Germans come back to take over the plant and fire everyone, and all of the episodes could be about Homer looking for a job? That’s not the greatest idea in the world, I’ll admit, but a season-long arc would require viewers to tune in every week and…
Crazy Noises: The Fight Before Christmas
“I’m Lisa, peppy, blonde and stunning, sophomore prom queen five years running!” – “Lisa” In our ongoing mission to bring you only the shallowest and laziest analysis of Zombie Simpsons, we’re keeping up our Crazy Noises series for Season 22. Since a podcast is so 2004, and video would require a flag, a fern and some folding chairs from the garage, we’ve elected to use the technology that brought the word “emoticon” to the masses: the chatroom. Star Trek image macros are strictly forbidden, unless you have a really good reason why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk. This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “electrocution”). One upon a time, back in the before time, in the long long ago, there was an episode called “The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase”. Instead of telling one long story, it opened on Troy McClure and imagined three short stories of what the Simpsons characters would be like in different television contexts. There was a raunchy sitcom, a cheesy cop show, and a ye olde tyme variety show. In a nod to how ridiculous all of this was, and the fact that the staff thought the show would be done in a year or two,* they concluded with a bunch of truly horrifying ideas for future episodes. The premise of the variety show segment was that the Simpsons were an Osmond like family of entertainers. Their show was filled with send ups of the religious friendly treacle of the original, and given that the “real” Lisa would find it vapid to the point of offensiveness, she was unceremoniously replaced with the evilly Hollywood line, “Unfortunately, one family member didn’t want that chance and refused to participate.” If you want to make fun of the penchant of the entertainment industry, even the “family friendly” parts, for throwing attractive young women in front of the camera for no reason other than their looks – without doing the same thing yourself – that was a good way to do it. *They were right about that, but not in the way they thought. Mad Jon: So, you guys want to get down to it? Charlie Sweatpants: I’ve got my Katy Perry records blasting, I am ready to go. Mad Jon: You are a trooper. Dave: Let’s do this. Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, I think my feelings on this are clear already, but for the sake of completeness, this or the Kesha opening, which is worse? Mad Jon: I am not sure anything that can be conceived of by man could be worse than the Kesha opening. Dave: I’m more down on Kesha, but it’s not like this was a dance around the maypole. So that’s Kesha 2, Katy 1 Charlie Sweatpants: Wow, I’m surprised by that. The Kesha opening was at least brief, this just kept going and going. Mad Jon: Perhaps I missed the opening. Charlie Sweatpants: Sorry, I just realized I was unclear. Mad Jon: what happened in what you call the opening?…
Synergy Develops Stockholm Syndrome
“Ahh, the boy is fine, so far. I taught him to play the spoons.” – Charles “Big” Daddy I think IGN is beginning to yearn for the freedom of summer. This week’s corporate fanboy rant is really a stunner, even by their standards. It’s not just high praise, it’s a justification, a plea that yes, Zombie Simpsons is indeed good. Most of these reviews eagerly lap up whatever Zombie Simpsons left on the rug, but this wants to argue that it’s a good thing to shit on said rug: A lot of the best moments from "The Bob Next Door" came from our familiarity with the character, his love of operettas being just one. For IGN, it’s not enough to say that all the drawn out and recycled jokes were great, it’s that the very act of drawing out and recycling jokes makes them great. Anyway, I had to do some serious synergy exorcising on this one, but I think I got it all. Enjoy. Now this is the Bob we’ve know and love come to expect. His last two major appearances, 2005’s "The Italian Bob" and 2007’s "Funeral for a Fiend" did not live up to the standard set by so many other great Sideshow Bob episodes. "The Bob Next Door" was a funny obliterated those standards in a black hole of suck that proves that this show will never return to form and that proved there’s still a lot to enjoy when new ways for The Simpsons Zombie Simpsons to pit exploit the once awesome idea of Bob and Bart against each other. The episode, of course, didn’t come right out at the beginning and make it all about Bob advertise just how bottom dredgingly awful it would be. The majority of the first act gave us the Simpson typically lifeless Zombie Simpson spin on the current economic crisis. Like many local governments, Springfield was in major financial difficulty. Homer’s vision of Mayor Quimby’s "cooked books" and "fudge numbers" was the best misrepresentation of what he heard since kind of drawn out, clock eating “joke” that’s replaced quick lines like his take on Mr. Burns’ "open-faced club, a sand wedge" request. Other references also brought laughs reeked of runtime desperation, including Krusty Burger taking up where the city’s road kill pick-up left off, and folks leaving Springfield to find a better life in Detroit. And then Iceland blamed Homer for their financial collapse; this too made no sense, involved pointless exposition and took much too long. "At least we’ll always have Beowulf." "That’s not us." "No! No!" The situation only got better managed to get worse when Bob arrived. Or was it Bob? A new neighbor moved in next door to the Simpsons and everyone was smitten except for Bart and the audience. He We recognized the man’s voice as the one and only Sideshow Bob. I thought Homer and Marge rationalizing the familiar voice was a fun shout out to Kelsey Grammer pathetic attempt to cover up…
Zombie Simpsons is not better than “most” TV
“You’ve really done it this time, dum-dum.” – Ozmodiar Read our manifesto. Time and time again we hear people say that because Zombie Simpsons is better than “most” TV today, it’s still worth watching. It’s an impossibly tired and empty argument that we’ve discussed at length and beaten to a bloody pulp. And yet, I feel compelled to revisit this premise once again. Like my colleague Mr. Sweatpants, I too have been watching the Season 12 DVDs with a combination of dread and revulsion. I haven’t the stomach to sit through the commentaries, but I did transfer “HOMЯ” onto my iPod yesterday so that I could listen to it during my daily run. Y’know, just for shits and giggles. The run was great but listening to the episode was, quite simply, insufferable. Lowlights included: The idiotic and pointless exchange between Homer, himself, and the bank teller involving candy. Moe talking into the functional ears on Barney’s chest as a result of being a medical guinea pig. Barney’s predisposition for making a quick buck by subjecting his body to science was handled more elegantly (and I daresay more realistically) in “Lisa the Beauty Queen,” with electrodes and wires taped to the back of his half-shaven head. Dr. Hibbert’s ridiculous cop-out regarding why he repeatedly neglected to notice the crayon in Homer’s brain along with his immediate, unfunny departure. The fulfillment of the threat of introducing Ozmodiar from “The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase.” That asshole shows up twice in this episode, no less. The hackneyed, deus ex machina note Smart Homer leaves for Lisa after his devolution to Normal Zombie Homer, followed by the perfunctory horns of happiness. I doubt actually watching the episode would have made it any more tolerable. While I won’t waste more time picking apart the flimsy gags, I would like to ask two questions of the most ardent and occasionally nonsensical defenders of Zombie Simpsons: this shit is better than regular TV how, exactly? Two, do you genuinely find any of the above lowlights funny? The only safe conclusion I can come to after yesterday’s experiment is that either fans of Zombie Simpsons have really low standards or mine are just unreasonably high. You don’t even need to actually watch Zombie Simpsons to realize how awful it is. As for my run today, I’ll be switching back to NPR, thanks. Kai Ryssdal has a dreamy voice.