“Barbershop? That ain’t be popular since aught-six, dagnabit.” – Bart Simpson “Bart, what did I tell you?” – Homer Simpson “No talking like a grizzled 1890s prospector. Consarnit.” – Bart Simpson
Tag: Homer’s Barbershop Quartet
Quote of the Day
“That’s my son up there.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson “What, the balding fatass?” – Old Jewish Guy “Uh, no, the Hindu guy.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
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“Ah, Squidie, I got nothin’ against ya. I just heard there was gold in your belly!” – Captain McAllister
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“They took the foam off the market because they found out it was poisonous. But if you ask me, if you’re dumb enough to eat it, you deserve to die. . . . Bart!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
♫”Theme from a Summer Place From a Summer Place The Theme From a Summer Place It’s the Theme…”♫ “Next!” – Homer Simpson, Principal Skinner, Apu de Beaumarchais
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“Hey, fellas, I’m back!” – Homer Simpson “Aw, that’s great. Your replacement was getting tired. Hey, Queenie, you can go now.” – Carl “I’ll give her a good home. . . . And I did.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Prisoner 24601, I wore this for two years in a Viet Cong interment center. Never thought I’d see the old girl again. Still fits.” – Principal Skinner “Small world, huh?” – Herman “It is. It really, really is.” – Principal Skinner
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“Wow, an original Malibu Stacy from 1958!” – Lisa Simpson “Yeah, they took her off the market after some kid put both his eyes out.” – Swap Meet Guy “Oh, my.” – Lisa Simpson
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“Hey, Barney, what’ll it be?” – Moe “I’d like a beer, Moe.” – Barney Gumble “I’d like a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man’s hat.” – Japanese Conceptual Artist “Here you go.” – Moe
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“Oh, can we talk about Chief Wiggum? Ack! Ack! Ack!” – Joan Rivers So long, DOT Matrix.
Last Night, On Twitter . . .
“I can’t remember the last time we were all together.” – Principal Skinner “Last year, on that stupid Dame Edna special.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon Al Jean continues to ever so gingerly dip his toes into the never ending torrent of love, hate and general bullshit that is Twitter. Last night, he tweeted out this undated picture of some of the old staff: I wasn’t sure who everybody was, so I asked him, and he was kind enough to reply. From left to right it’s him, Mike Reiss, Wallace Wolodarsky, Jay Kogen, Jon Vitti, and Jeff Martin. He also said this: Aren’t you the guys that trash us every week? Peace and love, man. I’d quibble with “trash” and substitute “criticize”, but I don’t begrudge him his point of view on that. Al, we love you all the same, and thanks for the picture!
Quote of the Day
“The B-Sharps.” – Homer Simpson “The B-Sharps.” – Principal Skinner “The B-Sharps.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon & Barney Gumble “The B-Sharps. . . . Well, you can’t blame a guy for trying. . . . Ah, you’re all under arrest.” – Chief Wiggum Happy 20th anniversary to “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet”! Original airdate 30 September 1993.
Today I Am a Clown Makes Baby Jesus Cry
Image shamelessly yoinked from here. “This is worse than your song about Mr. T.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “I pity the fool who doesn’t like . . . he.” – Homer Simpson This episode has a cavalcade of guest voices, several of whom are playing themselves, plus Homer gets a new job as a talk show host. Happily, they spend most of the commentary ignoring the episode and telling stories about Mr. T, who is apparently exactly like his public persona when he’s recording voices. It’s also worth pointing out that by this point in Zombie Simpsons, even the DVD commentaries are getting repetitive. Three or four times someone will tell a story or note some piece of trivia after mentioning that they’ve said so many times before. Anyway, we start with ten people on this one, but Caroline Omine shows up late. To begin we have Jean, Selman, Castellaneta, Tim Long, Joel Cohen, Don Payne, Tom Gammill, Max Pross, Nancy Cruz, and Steve Moore. 0:40 – After Cruz says her name, she was ninth, someone asks “Is that it?” before Steve Moore describes himself as a “guest attendee”. 1:00 – Jean asks Joel Cohen to discuss the origin of the episode. It was originally pitched as a travel show where they could go to Israel for Krusty’s bar mitzvah, but it became just Krusty’s bar mitzvah. 1:20 – Gammill asks Cohen, for the benefit of those who don’t know, what a bar mitzvah is, which leads to some insider Jewish humor, “You read from the Torah in front of friends, families and people with envelopes in their pockets.” Ha. 2:15 – Jean asks Castellaneta if he knew Krusty was Jewish when he started doing the voice. He did not, and then launches into the “he’s based on Rusty Nails” story, which he acknowledges has been told many, many times at this point. 3:00 – Discussing the nationwide franchising of Bozo the Clown. Jean laughs about how the one in Detroit lost the rights and had to change his name to Oopsie the Clown when he was a kid. 3:30 – Cohen won a Jewish Image award for this, but didn’t win a Writers Guild award. 4:00 – Castellaneta did Rabbi Krustofski at the table read, and then does his Jackie Mason impression here. It’s funny. 4:20 – On screen Homer just finished strangling Santa’s Little Helper, but no one wants to talk about that so Jean asks Castellaneta if he ever met any real TV clowns. He has, in fact, met the son of the guy who played Bozo, Bob Bell. They’re not discussing the episode at all, but so far this is a pretty entertaining commentary. 5:20 – Krusty’s mansion was done a little to look like Jerry Lewis’s place in The King of Comedy. 5:30 – Jean’s just killing time now, so after noting that it’s been on many commentaries before, he talks about how Krusty is just Homer with different hair. 6:20 – After another digression,…
Strange New Places
“And where’s Barney?” – Homer Simpson “Oh, he’s with his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist.” – Principal Skinner “Barbershop is in danger of growing stale. I’m taking it to strange new places.” – Barney Gumble In the interest of not burying the lead: mocking Season 23 has been fun, but it’s also the last time we’re going to go full tilt for a new Zombie Simpsons season around here. Don’t worry, we’re not taking the site down or anything; in fact, for the next few months you shouldn’t notice much difference. Quotes of the Day will continue as normal, and, just like the last three summers, we’ll be doing Crazy Noises for old episodes. This year it’s going to be Season 11, the last one the Manifesto lists before Zombie Simpsons. After that, the Magic 8-ball becomes less clear. Season 24 (ugh) will likely start sometime in late September, but we won’t be doing our full Preview-Ratings-Crazy Noises-Compare & Contrast schedule. I’m sure we’ll do something (and suggestions are welcome), but whatever it is will be much less comprehensive. As for why we’re doing this, there’s only one real reason and it is not intended ironically. We think it best to stop before we get dull and do nothing but repeat ourselves. For all its manic bumbling and endless stream of pointless cameos, the only enduring characteristic about Zombie Simpsons is how blandly repetitive it is. Episodes consistently have no coherent story, few jokes, fewer funny jokes, wasted guest voices, hacktacular pop culture references, and all manner of things poorly lifted from old episodes. And then every once in a while the animation goes off the rails too, though that’s usually because the writers have once again managed to string together something too dumb to convey. In Crazy Noises and elsewhere, I’ve begun to get the sense that we’re often doing little more than citing examples of the same kinds of things each week: it sucked when they made Homer do this, that joke went on too long, that’s not even a joke, this voice sounds terrible, that was done better years ago, this made no sense, etcetera etcetera. We are trying to put a tiny thrill into these gray little episodes, but they rarely give us something novel enough to make criticisms we haven’t already made dozens of times before. Whatever points we’ve tried to articulate over the past few years here, another few thousand words per episode are unlikely to change them. In short, it seems very unlikely that most of the episodes in Season 24 (or Season 25, or Season 26, or Season Whatever) are going to be worth a close examination and serious criticism. On a related personal note, I simply find Zombie Simpsons boring. I stopped watching regularly sometime in Season 13, and didn’t catch more than a handful in total from Seasons 14-19. When Dave, Mad Jon and I started getting serious about this site in early 2009, I picked up at the…
Quote of the Day
“Look what I got! Now people will stop intentionally ramming our car.” – Marge Simpson “Hmm, baby on board? ‘Baby on board, something something Burt Ward’, this thing writes itself.” – Homer Simpson Happy birthday Alf Clausen!
Quote of the Day
“Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Never fit on a marquee, love. From now on your name is Apu de Beaumarchais.” – Nigel “Well, it is a great dishonor to my ancestors and my God, but okay.” – Apu de Beaumarchais
Dead Homer Society Xmas Gift Guide
“Oyster shells! Hand painted to resemble Lucille Ball! You’ll love Oyster Lucy!” – Moe For the second year in a row we here at the Dead Homer Society are offering this belated and woefully incomplete shopping guide for the Simpsons fan in your life. Just like last year, the idea here is to find cool Simpsons stuff that does not feed the merchandising beast that does more than anything else to keep Zombie Simpsons on the air. Also just like last year, this basically amounts to me doing a search on Etsy and then linking the best results. Still, any one of these items is both more creative and more original than another set of “collectible” figurines or the latest novelty items to get Simpsonized. Art ABC’s of geek pop culture by SuburbanYeti – $25 – This is a fantastic idea: Gotta love the Flux Capacitor. Fantasy Floorplans for The Simpsons/Residence by fantasyfloorplans – $64 – Serious, wall mountable floor plans for a house that doesn’t exist. Lisa Simpson Pez Oil Painting Still Life by PatrickFlynn – $100 – An oil painting of a Lisa Simpson Pez dispenser. I did not expect to see that when I got up this morning. Limited Edition 8 x 10 Print of Still Life with by Marge Simpson Pez PatrickFlynn – $15 – From the same seller is a print of his painting of Marge’s Pez dispenser. Here’s one of Bart. Simpsons Abstract by ChikyuuTenshi – $18 – A painting of the family in what almost looks like a cracked mirror. Homer Simpson untooned Original Oil Painting by MrBlondieNation – $25 – A painting of what Homer might look like if he were a real guy. Simpsons Kalidescope by natureslittlequilts – $35 – Wow: Marge Simpson Playboy centerfold numbered edition by nwlimited – $200 – A framed picture of nipple/donut Marge from the Playboy spread along with some of the stamps. Automotive Springfield Nuclear Plant Parking Decal by seasnarke – $10 – This is really clever, it’s a fake parking sticker in the shape of a nuclear cooling tower. Canyonero Custom Car Emblem by Empira – $15 – This is a great idea: I cast each piece in durable plastic from a custom silicone rubber mold, paint them black and chrome, and apply automotive-grade double-sided tape so it will stick permanently on the back of your car. A hundred cheers to whoever puts one of these on a Prius or a Leaf first. The irony alone might power the car for miles. Arts & Crafts Jebediah Springfield Quote Finished Cross Stitch by JupiterStarPower – $15 – A small cross stitch with Jebediah’s famous “noble spirit” quote. Simpson Fabric Buttons Set of Four by StashFabulous – $5 – Simpsons character buttons. Homer Simpson Recycled Board Game Journal – £7 – A refillable journal made from an old Simpsons board game. The Simpsons Cluedo handmade journal by peonyandthistle – £24 – Another notebook made from a recycled board game. Clothing & Stuff Obey Giant…
Crazy Noises: The Ned-Liest Catch
“I’m surprised you don’t remember, son. It was only eight years ago.” – Homer Simpson “Dad, thanks to television I can’t remember what happened eight minutes ago.” – Bart Simpson In our ongoing mission to bring you only the shallowest and laziest analysis of Zombie Simpsons, we’re keeping up our Crazy Noises series for Season 22. Since a podcast is so 2004, and video would require a flag, a fern and some folding chairs from the garage, we’ve elected to use the technology that brought the word “emoticon” to the masses: the chatroom. Star Trek image macros are strictly forbidden, unless you have a really good reason why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk. This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (surprisingly enough, not on “aneurystic”, which I just made up and therefore can’t be spelled wrong). For a single sequence of events that epitomizes the sloppiness of “The Ned-Liest Catch”, we need look no further than Edna’s escape from the rubber room. First, Bart magically enters the building and shows up to help her escape. It’s not explained why he would care or how he got there. He then climbs through the ceiling to allow himself to be attacked by a possum. Once that’s over we find them in the bathroom for a series of scenes that make the possum look downright brilliant. First, Bart has replaced Edna with a dummy. We never see him do this, nor did Krabappel notice it when she was just in the same room, it simply appears (whatever). Second, after Bart climbs out the window, we see this: Edna Krabappel: not that far off the ground. Bart’s next line describes this as a “three story drop”. This is another one of those pieces of apathy or contempt that would make Michael Bay proud. They could’ve drawn a three story shot, they could’ve changed the dialogue, they did neither (whatever 2x). Third, the ladder breaks with Edna on it. Despite the fact that the previous shot made it look like she’d be about six inches off the ground if the ladder broke like that, it’s played for suspense before we see: (Whatever 3x) Fourth, without saying a word, Bart runs off. This is the same Bart who, just a second before, cared so much about Krabappel that he broke into this building, left a dummy of her, and showed her the exit. All of a sudden, without so much as a stab at a joke, he abandons her completely (whatever 4x). Fifth, Flanders arrives out of nowhere. He wasn’t summoned by Bart; he wasn’t introduced into the scene in any way. He was just there (whatever 5x). Finally, once the impromptu date is over and Edna is back in the bathroom comes the scene that ignores everything that just happened. Bart left a dummy of Krabappel in the main room so she could sneak out, but once she’s back in the bathroom the other teachers yell at her for being in…
Compare & Contrast: Homer on Tour
“Has anyone mentioned that Homer doesn’t know anything about mountain climbing, and that this is all crazy?” – Marge Simpson “Well yes, a number of people.” – Neil Just a few minutes into “A Midsummer’s Nice Dream”, more than a decade of accumulated bad habits catastrophically cratered the episode: Zombie Marge: Homie, you know all the bits, maybe you could help him. Zombie Homer: I can’t do reefer comedy, I’m drunk, two different animals. Zombie Marge: Homer Simpson, that man’s albums have given you decades of entertainment, and seen you through some very square times. Help him! Zombie Crowd: [Cheers wildly] Mobsters, teachers, Smithers, Mrs. Glick, it’s almost like they have no personality of their own. You know where it goes from there. Homer walks on stage and everyone loves him. The man who is ostensibly an ordinary guy from an ordinary town once again becomes an overnight celebrity. Afterwards, the episode staggers around for another fifteen minutes, bumbling from one topic to the next as it tries to tell a story it’s told a hundred times before. Homer has had plenty of wild adventures going all the way back to the beginning of the show. But prior to about Season 9 or so, whenever Homer went out and did something really far fetched he was usually more along for the ride than in the driver’s seat. He certainly didn’t become an accomplished professional in the span of a few seconds. When he headed out with Hullabalooza, he wasn’t backing up Peter Frampton on guitar or freestyling with Cypress Hill. When he went into space, the NASA guys were planning on sedating him almost immediately, he wasn’t scheduled to land the shuttle. When he played softball with all those ringers, he couldn’t get a hit off Roger Clemens, nor could he field as well as Daryl Strawberry. He was always an amateur, even if he often found himself in places amateurs rarely tread. Compare that with the way Marge and the crowd shove him onstage during “A Midsummer’s Nice Dream”. He becomes the main act instantly, acquiring the timing and poise of an accomplished stage performer, something that requires years of training and practice, in less than a minute. The crowd knows it too, and they’re a-okay with Homer replacing one of the men they paid to see. He’s no longer a lucky amateur, he’s now the same mega-popular super character within the world of the show that he’s long been outside of it, and everyone, from his family to the crowd to the guest stars, understands that intuitively. I bet he’s glad his face is on a bunch of crappy merchandise though. This is far from the first time Zombie Simpsons has done something like this. The degradation of Homer from a recognizable everyman into an unrepentant, unfeeling, unrestrained id of middle age wish fulfillment is one of the true hallmarks of Zombie Simpsons. It started way back when the show began its implosion around Season 9 as Homer…
Dead Homer Society Xmas Gift Guide
“Human roaches, feeding off each other’s garbage, the only thing you can’t buy here is dignity.” – Mayor Quimby It is the stated position of the Dead Homer Society that the fount of filthy lucre that is crappy Simpsons merchandise is a major reason behind the continued existence of Zombie Simpsons. Merchandise generates twice as much cash as the television show, and the continued production of new episodes has been explicitly linked by people at FOX to licensing revenue. And while one person’s purchasing decisions wouldn’t even register as a rounding error on that mountain of money, why buy things that support Zombie Simpsons, especially when they tend to be cheaply manufactured garbage? With that in mind, here is the official Dead Homer Society Xmas Gift Guide. These are all homemade or repurposed Simpsons items that won’t put a penny towards next season’s production budget. And if you’re wondering if I got all of these by searching Etsy for Simpsons stuff, you would be correct. All prices are in US Dollars, though most items have non-US/Canada shipping available. Isn’t this better than clock radios that can’t be plugged in and horribly deformed Krusty dolls? Art 5 pc Simpson Hand Painted Russian Nesting Doll – $55 – For some reason Bart, not Homer, is the largest one here, but these are actually from the Ukraine so who cares? Homer Simpson framed original pop art, Neil Jam style – $13 – Homer is staring back at me with his dead eyes: Limited edition signed numbered audrey hepburn simpson fine art print – $45 – Time for breakfast at Margie’s: Bags/Wallets A Homer Simpson Christmas Tree Reusable Bag/ Tote – $7 – Homer stands with a Christmas tree made of Duff on the side of this all purpose reusable bag. Homer Simpson Not-so-Handyman – $7 – Another Simpsons bag from the same source as the one above. This one isn’t Christmas themed, but it would make a nice gift. The Simpsons/Groundskeeper Willie Mini Duct Tape Wallet – $7 – A compact wallet that just wants to know if you’ve got any grease. Simpsons Trifold Wallet – $12 – This wallet has plenty of space for your membership cards in the Elks, the Masons, the Communists, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance, and the Stonecutters. Naughty Bart Simpson drawstring bag for library, toys, sheets, cotton – $9.50 – Nice little Bart Simpson bag. Where’s Bart Wristlet – $4 – A small Simpsons zippered pouch. Simpsons Coin Purse – $6.50 – That’s right, a purse! ipod blackberry itouch cell phone case SIMPSONS – $12 – A small Simpsons case for your small electronic device. Simpsons Wallet – $22 – From merry old England comes this impressive use of recycled materials: This wallet is made from recycled Simpsons caramel biscuit packets, encased in a super sturdy vinyl. Lisa, Bart and Homer also feature on the inside. There are 5 inside pockets made from the same clear vinyl, allowing the features of the wrappers to show through. Bridal? …