“Children, we’ve just been tipped off that Superintendent Chalmers is planning a surprise inspection, so let’s clean up this pigsty!” – Principal Skinner
Tag: Whacking Day
Quote of the Day
“Did you bring the pre-whacked snakes? . . . Beautiful.” – Mayor Quimby Happy Whacking Day, everybody!
Makeup Quote of the Day
“I’m new in town. Be there a cool loch where a lass could wash her long, red hair?” – Hot Scot “Nay, but there’s a pool at me apartment complex. There was a rat in the deep end . . . but we got him!” – Groundskeeper Willie “Ach, lead on!” – Hot Scot
Quote of the Day
“Forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty. Flag’s up to date, very good, Seymour.” – Superintendent Chalmers Happy birthday David Mirkin!
Quote of the Day
“Here you go! Official Whacking Day parking! Ten dollars per axle! . . . Woo-hoo!” – Homer Simpson “Hooray” – Axle Car Guy Happy Whacking Day, everybody!
Quote of the Day
“Ack, my beauty! Wait until the superintendent sees you! Were it not a violation of God’s law, I’d make you my wife!” – Groundskeeper Willie
Quote of the Day
“Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot!” – Bart Simpson “Avert your eyes, children! He may take on another form!” -Springfield Christian School Teacher
Quote of the Day
“Tonight on Eye on Springfield, the Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz, where are they now?” – Kent Brockman
Behind Us Forever: Bull-E
“I guess I’ve always used violence as a way of getting attention.” – Jimbo Jones “Yes, yes! Me too!” – Nelson Muntz Bart gets bullied, so Marge gets the town council to pass an anti-bullying law, which allows Wiggum to lock up a bunch of random people, which puts Homer into group therapy for bullying Flanders, which causes Homer to become a hero, which causes Flanders to resent him and make him beg for forgiveness. That terrible sentence took you much less time to read than this episode would to watch. – Weird couch gag with all the soccer balls, but at least it was brief. – And we are off to a bad start. Willie explains to Skinner that he’s going back to Scotland and that he got Johnny Mathis as his replacement, which leads to a shot of Mathis cutting hedges while singing. Expository celebrity crap started early this week. – Hey, something not entirely terrible! While reading the morning announcements, Skinner announces a school dance as a, “treat for the popular children and a chance for the rest of you to look within yourselves and ask what’s wrong.” Of course, it’s barely part of a larger sentence and is immediately followed by Agnes materializing out of nowhere to yell at Skinner, but that was at least an attempt at cynical satire. – Because nothing gets explained on this show only once, now we’re at the Simpson house with Marge pulling a flyer out of Bart’s backpack and reminding everyone that there’s a dance coming up. – Homer is spinning his fence with the Flanders like a propeller to decide which one of them gets the part Ned just painted. – Montage with a Soul Train opening called “School Train”. – Okay, the fake Thomas the Tank Engine saying, “I’m going to die, children, and so will you someday” was good. It, of course, was immediately taken too far by hauling him off to be crushed in a press, but I’ll take what I can get. – Ugh. The “Puberty Demon” just showed up and told us who he was after Bart asked him directly. – Bart is now dancing with some new girl. Didn’t get get a new girlfriend last week? – Hey, if you’re gonna pay for a Daft Punk song, you gotta let your second montage of the episode really go on to get your money’s worth. – Bart won a dancing trophy and is now outside getting beaten up by the bullies. – After an anti-bullying speech at the dinner table, Marge is now at a town council meeting to, presumably, repeat what she just said. – Yup. – They passed a bullying law, so now Wiggum just arrested the bullies while restating what we saw in the previous scene. – Wiggum is now explaining to Brockman what he’s going to do next, start arresting adults. – I guess we’re on an arrest sequence, so far it’s Krusty, Apu, and Bumblebee Man before Lisa starts restating…
Quote of the Day
“And the Lord said, ‘Whack ye all the serpents which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others’. So, you see, Lisa, even God himself endorses Whacking Day.” – Reverend Lovejoy “Let me see that.” – Lisa Simpson “No.” – Reverend Lovejoy
Quote of the Day
“I got separated from my platoon after we parachuted into Dusseldorf. So I rode out the war posing as a German cabaret singer . . . Won’t you come home Franz Brauser, won’t you come home?” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson “Yoo-hoo . . . Ach du lieber! Das is not eine booby!” – Adolf Hiter Happy Birthday Sam Simon!
Quote of the Day
“Everyone likes Whacking Day, but I hate it. Is there something wrong with me?” – Lisa Simpson “Yes, honey.” – Homer Simpson Happy Whacking Day everybody!
Quote of the Day
“Take that snake! And you too! Snakes, snakes everywhere!” – Barney Gumble “Getting ready for Whacking Day?” – Lenny “What’s Whacking Day?” – Barney Gumble Happy Whacking Day!
Quote of the Day
“Now, we give ’em the bikes, no one sues.” – Principal Skinner “What if they’re dead, sir?” – Groundskeeper Willie “Then we ride these bikes to Mexico, and freedom, Willie, freedom!” – Principal Skinner “Freedom? Yeah, I’ll turn you in at the first toll booth.” – Groundskeeper Willie Happy 20th anniversary to “Whacking Day”! Original airdate 29 April 1993.
Quote of the Day
“Bart, I’d like you to read this copy of Johnny Tremain, it’s a book I read as a girl.” – Marge Simpson “A book? Pfft.” – Bart Simpson “I think you might like this. It’s about a boy who goes to war, his hand is deformed in an accident.” – Marge Simpson “Deformed? Why didn’t you say so? They should call this book Johnny Deformed.” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Hey, kids, how was school?” – Homer Simpson “I learned how many drams in a pennyweight.” – Lisa Simpson “I got expelled.” – Bart Simpson “That’s my boy!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“But killing snakes is evil.” – Lisa Simpson “Maybe so, Lisa, but it’s part of our oh so human nature. Inside every man is a struggle between good and evil that cannot be resolved.” – Homer Simpson “I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer!” – Homer’s Brain It’s May 10th, Happy Whacking Day, Everybody!
Quote of the Day
Image yoinked from here. “So, what’s the word down at One School Board Plaza?” – Principal Skinner “We’re dropping the geography requirement, the children weren’t testing well. It was proving to be an embarrassment.” – Superintendent Chalmers “Very good, back to the three “R”s.” – Principal Skinner “Two “R”s, come October.” – Superintendent Chalmers
Crazy Noises: The Falcon and the D’Ohman
“And why is a cafeteria worker posing as a nurse?” – Superintendent Chalmers “I get two paychecks this way.” – Lunchlady Doris “D’oh.” – Superintendent Chalmers As part of our tireless efforts to demonstrate the many ways Zombie Simpsons fails to entertain, Season 23 will be subjected to the kind of rigorous examination that can only be produced by people typing short messages at one another. More dedicated or modern individuals might use Twitter for this, but that’s got graphics and short links and little windows that pop up when you put your cursor over things. The only kind of on-line communications we like are the kind that could once be done at 2400 baud. So disable your call waiting, plug in your modem, and join us for another year of Crazy Noises. This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (embarrassingly so on “hepcat”). I’m in no position to be a sanctimonious scold over this because I never met either Phil Hartman or Doris Grau, but there is something inherently off putting about the way his characters were permanently retired while Lunchlady Doris keeps popping up. I understand that he was much younger, a vastly bigger star, and that his death was enormously more shocking. But Lunchlady Doris was inextricably linked to Doris Grau just as Hartman’s characters were to him, and it seems more than a tad callous for Zombie Simpsons to have a poor facsimile of her inimitable voice say things this disposable: We can’t keep serving the same thing every day. These kids have mashed potatoes coming out of their ears. Sometimes shows have to replace actors because, hey, death happens, but you ought to have a better reason than something that extraneous. Grau made Lunchlady Doris what she was, so much so that even the non-speaking parts were imbued with her trademark indifference. When Lisa asks her if she remembers when she lost her passion for her work, Lunchlady Doris doesn’t say anything as she presses the Independent Thought Alarm, but you can practically hear that raspy voice anyway. Like it or not, that died when Grau did, and Zombie Simpsons would’ve been better to leave it alone. [Dave’s back this week, and just in time too because Mad Jon couldn’t make it.] Charlie Sweatpants: You ready to go? Dave: Let’s. Charlie Sweatpants: I’m not sure where to start with this one, but neither were they. They had not one, not two, but three non-relevant openings. Dave: It was really a lousy pastiche of all the things that are reprehensible about the direction the show has taken. Charlie Sweatpants: First there was Comic Book Guy talking into the camera, then there was Homer’s weird musical intro, then there was Marge’s celebrity dream. It almost felt like they were reluctant to start the episode. Dave: But one of them was semi-interactive and fourth wall-breaking!! In all seriousness they were terrible. Charlie Sweatpants: To be fair, they ended the episode in much the same…
Quote of the Day
“Let’s hear it for our own Miss Springfield.” – Mayor Quimby “Gentlemen, start your whacking.” – Miss Springfield It’s May 10th, happy Whacking Day everybody!