Tag: Colonel Homer

“Hey, Colonel Homer! And you must be-” – Lurleen Lumpkin “Mrs. Homer Simpson.” – Marge Simpson “Charmed.” – Lurleen Lumpkin “I thought you said she was overweight.” – Marge Simpson “Marge, it takes two to lie: one to lie, and one to listen.” – Homer Simpson;

“That spot says Compact Only.” – Marge Simpson “Marge, that’s just a suggested car size. . . Easy . . . easy . . . how’m I doing on the right?” – Homer Simpson “Uh, we’re getting a lot of sparks over here, Dad.” – Lisa Simpson “Uh-huh . . . easy . . . perfect! Alright, everybody out the window!” – Homer Simpson

“We’ll take two tickets to . . . The Stockholm Affair.” – Homer Simpson“Ooh, the paper called it a taught political thriller.” – Marge Simpson“Political? Oh.” – Homer Simpson“Mr. President, disturbing news. Serious cracks developing in the Greco-Bolivian alliance.” – Movie General“Get me Jed Collick!” – Movie President

“Excuse me, are you Colonel Homer Simpson?” – Record Executive “Yes, I am.” – Homer Simpson “I’m from Rebel Yell Records, a division of Tokusagi Corporation.” – Record Executive

“Now, before we negotiate, I have to tell you I’m desperate to unload Lurleen and I’ll take any offer.” – Homer Simpson “I’ll give you fifty bucks.” – Rebel Yell Records Executive “You son of a! . . . sold.” – Homer Simpson

“Marge, you’re standing in the way of my boyhood dream of managing a beautiful country singer!” – Homer Simpson “Your boyhood dream was to eat the world’s biggest hoagie! And you did it at the county fair last year, remember?” – Marge Simpson

“Tonight I’d like to try something a little different. It’s a song I wrote while I was mopping up your dried blood and teeth.” – Lurleen Lumpkin

“Homer, how much did you just give that man?” – Marge Simpson “Calm down, Marge.  It’s just our life savings.  I’m not going to go into hock for this.” – Homer Simpson

“Ooh, a redneck bar.” – Homer Simpson “Hey, you, let’s fight!” – Redneck #1 “Thems fightin’ words!” – Redneck #2

“Doctor, you weren’t supposed to remove his gall bladder!” – Surgical Nurse #1 “Put it back!  Put it back!” – Surgical Nurse #2

“Two tickets for-” – Homer Simpson “Lemme guess: Look Who’s Oinking?” – Googolplex Guy “That’s right.” – Homer Simpson “Sold out.” – Googolplex Guy “Ohhh.” – Homer Simpson

“Hey, hey, Lurleen!  I gotta say something to you.” – Homer Simpson “I’m listening.” – Lurleen Lumpkin “Your song touched me in a way I’ve never felt before.  And which way to the can?” – Homer Simpson (Sorry for the late quote.)

“Marge, what do you think?” – Homer Simpson “It’s nice.  But who is this woman?” – Marge Simpson “Well, right now she’s an out of work cocktail waitress, but she’s going to be a country music super star like, uh . . . that jerk in the cowboy hat, and that dead lady.” – Homer Simpson “I don’t like you hanging around some cocktail waitress.” – Marge Simpson “Marge, you make it sound so seamy.  All I did was spend the afternoon in her trailer watching her try on some outfits.” – Homer Simpson

“So, what are we going to see?” – Marge Simpson “Earnest Cuts the Cheese!” – Bart Simpson “Honey, I Hit a School Bus!” – Lisa Simpson “Look Who’s Oinking!  Look Who’s Oinking!” – Homer Simpson

“Do you think I could get a copy of it?” – Homer Simpson “Sorry, darlin’, all my songs are up here: I’m Basting a Turkey with My Tears, Don’t Look Up My Dress Unless You Mean It, I’m Sick of Your Lying Lips and False Teeth.” – Lurleen Lumpkin