“Hey, anybody mind if I server as bartender? You know, I have a PhD in mixology!” – Ned Flanders “Pfft, college boy.” – Moe
Category: QotD
Quote of the Day
“Cheer up, we’ll catch this guy!” – Chief Wiggum “Uh, Chief, um . . . ” – Lou “What? You can’t rule it out.” – Chief Wiggum
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Clear!” – Homer Simpson “Oh, for Pete’s sake.” – Marge Simpson “The pig is in the poke.” – Homer Simpson “You know, I really don’t care for that code name.” – Marge Simpson
Double Secret Makeup Quote of the Day
“I didn’t know they still made TV dinners this bad.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“The last bar in Springfield. If they don’t let me in here, I’m gonna have to quit drinking.” – Homer Simpson “Yay!” – Homer’s Liver “Shut up, liver! . . . Oww, my liver hurts.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“What are the odds on Santa’s Little Helper?” – Homer Simpson “Ninety-nine to one.” – Ticket Booth Guy “Wow! Ninety-nine times thirteen equals merry Christmas!” – Homer Simpson Happy Simpsons Day everybody!
Quote of the Day
“Gentlemen, I give you Britannia! Gambling with all the glitz and glamour of the British Isles! And, best of all, the waitresses and showgirls are all real Brits! Fresh from the streets of Sussex, they are.” – British Guy “Freshen your drink, gov’nor?” – Sussex Girl
Quote of the Day
“Now we just sit by the mailbox and watch the money roll in.” – Homer Simpson “But you’re going to annoy thousands of people just make a few measly dollars. It’s nothing but panhandling!” – Marge Simpson “Tele-panhandling.” – Homer Simpson
Makeup Quote of the Day
“It’s so sad that Krusty is ashamed of his roots.” – Lisa Simpson “Marge, it happened again.” – Homer Simpson “What are you gonna change your name to when you grow up?” – Bart Simpson “Lois Sandborne.” – Lisa Simpson “Steve Bennett.” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“You said this monkey would be sweeping the floors and cleaning the gutters. And now he just lies there, struggling to breathe.” – Marge Simpson “What do you want? His cholesterol’s through the roof.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Yo, Hugh, here’s a little bit of U.S. hospitality! What do you think of that?” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Ethnic Mismatch Comedy #644 has been cancelled. While we scramble to find new programming, please enjoy this encore presentation of Princess Di’s funeral.” – TV Announcer “Oh, I was really starting to enjoy Ethnic Mismatch Comedy #644. I’ve never heard so many Viagra jokes in thirty seconds.” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
“We got new clothes from the donation bin. I’m a surfer!” – Todd Flanders “Look, Daddy, Todd is stupid and I’m with him. And now Mommy’s stupid.” – Rod Flanders
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Can someone pronounce this work? Hmmmm . . . Bart?” – Mrs. Krabappel “Uh . . . um, hmm . . . uh, um, uh . . .” – Bart Simpson “Ooh, pick me, teacher! I’m ever so smart! It’s photosynthesis! Damn your feeble brain!” – Martin Prince
Quote of the Day
“Try to be nice to my sisters. It’s very hard on me to have you fighting all the time.” – Marge Simpson “Oh, okay, Marge! I’ll get along with them! Then I will hug some snakes. Yes! I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes! . . . Now that’s sarcasm.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Look, Daddy, I’m the Jealous Jockey!” – Rod Flanders “I’m a torso!” – Todd Flanders
Quote of the Day
“Pull! Pull, you dogs!” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Get out! This is my office now! Get out! . . . You too! This is a place of business not a peewee flophouse!” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“Listen to this: Unexplainable behavior, individuals acting in a secretive fashion are often involved with UFOs or other paranormal phenomena, e.g. telephone explosions.” – Bart Simpson “Geeze, if it’s in a book, it’s gotta be true.” – Milhouse van Houten
Quote of the Day
“Welcome back, to the final day of this, the twenty-third Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.” – Not Keith Jackson “You people are pigs! . . . I personally am gonna spit in every fiftieth burger.” – Krusty the Klown “I like those odds.” – Homer Simpson