“We leave you the kids for three hours and the county takes them away?” – Homer Simpson “Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch.” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson
Month: February 2009
Upon Further Reflection, This Still Sucks
“Noooooooooo!” – Principal Skinner I was expecting Zombie Simpsons to get picked up for another season; epguides.com already has episodes listed for next fall and since each craptacular one supposedly takes a whole year to produce it stood to reason that Season 21 was a forgone conclusion. But the news yesterday that they were being picked up for two more seasons was like a second, unexpected, football in the groin. According to some of those links this will push them to 493 episodes. 493! Of which less than a third are actually up to snuff. Admittedly, I am no expert…
Quote of the Day
“No, Ben! No!” – Bear Wrangler
Filling the Jar
“Oh, fudge, that’s broken. Fiddle-dee-dee, that will require a tetanus shot.” – Homer Simpson Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Quote of the Day
“It’s okay, there’s no sugar in Pixy Stix. Trust me.” – Bart Simpson
The Kids Are Alright
“Bart, I don’t know if this sould be an Extra.” – Rod Flanders “Is your source on this reliable?” – Todd Flanders This is the first thing it says on Emory University’s “About” page: Emory University is an inquiry-driven, ethically engaged and diverse community whose members work collaboratively for positive transformation in the world through courageous leadership in teaching, research, scholarship, health care and social action. That is a mouthful of a sentence, nevertheless I think they have some very fine young people there. In a paean to Conan O’Brien in the Emory Wheel, senior Daniel Berger writes: Though it…
Quote of the Day
“See the happiest fish in the world at our fabulous Beerquarium!” – TV Announcer
Going Out In Style
“They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son; I’ve never fully understood why that is. Frankly, I can see an upside to it.” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson Futurama, the longer surviving of the two Simpsons spin-offs, ends today, more or less on its own terms. It was cancelled back in 2003 but strong reruns on cable got it brought back for 4 direct to DVD movies (each of which is comprised of four episodes condensed together), the final one of which, Into the Wild Green Yonder, came out today. Whatever one thinks of the show…
Quote of the Day
“You’re the coolest adult I ever met.” – Bart Simpson “Wow, I’ve never been called an adult before; I’ve been tried as one but . . .” – Otto
Simpsons Evolutionary Theroy Part 1: From Homer to Punching Bag
“Let’s ask an actor portraying Charles Darwin what he thinks.” – C. Montgomery Burns I think it is fair to say that the principles behind natural selection and evolution can be applied to televisions shows. The Simpsons was once a great show, and then it wasn’t so good, and then bad, and now even worse. With each episode representing an intermediate in the evolutionary chain that is The Simpsons, we can compare episode traits from different parts of the lineage to hopefully figure out what the hell went wrong, and maybe try to reason why this series won’t die. Today…
Quote of the Day
“Miss, I’m looking for Abe Simpson. It’s important I get a hold of him; I have to tell him I don’t care about his money and I love him.” – Homer Simpson “We get that a lot.” – Springfield Retirement Castle Receptionist
Let The Jokes Stand On Their Own
“Oh, that just kept goin’, hunh?” – Krusty the Klown When The Simpsons started going downhill, one of the most noticeable changes was the way jokes would be stretched. Instead of moving on from a funny line or exchange, the show would milk it for screen time. The examples of this over the years are far too numerous to catalog, but here’s one anyway. In that wet noodle “Take My Life, Please”, after the aged Dondelinger tells Homer the truth, he says “Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m going to sit under that tree and think of all the women…
Quote of the Day
“Who rigs every Oscar night? We do! We do!” – Stonecutter Song
Quote of the Day
“I’m an antiquarian, damn it!” – Hollis Hurlbut
This Is Not a Personal Attack
“That was the worst movie I’ve ever seen.” – Principal Skinner I do not know anything about Don Payne, who is credited, if that is the right word, as the main writer of last week’s flash-back, conspiracy theory, magic tomato sauce mess. He might be a great guy; he might be an asshole. I don’t have an opinion either way, nor do I care. I do know that on his IMDb page he is credited, if that is the right word, with having written My Super Ex-Girlfriend and Fantastic Four 2. I’ve never seen the former, though I’ve heard bad things,…
Quote of the Day
“Barney’s movie had heart, but ‘Football in the Groin’ had a football in the groin.” – Homer Simpson’s Brain
Some Brit thinks he’s like Homer Simpson
In a recent case of life imitating Zombie Simpsons, 26-year old Englishman Ricky Hodgkinson was tried in court after shocking himself with a taser he purchased for £100. John Walker, Hodgkinson’s lawyer, likened his client to Homer Simpson before a panel of magistrates. Hodgkinson agreed, remarking “I am a bit like Homer Simpson, it was a stupid thing to do really.” While I’m amused at the absurdity of the situation, I also take issue with the implication that Homer has always been, well, a complete idiot. Classic Homer was certainly prone to acts of questionable intelligence, but he would never…
Quote of the Day
“We need some more secret sauce, put this mayonnaise in the sun.” – Old Man Peterson, Krusty Burger Manager
Zombie Simpsons: Countering the Orange Revolution
“So, here’s Eastern Europe’s favorite cat and mouse team: Worker and Parasite!” – Krusty the Klown Here is another way in which Zombie Simpsons is damaging our world. The “Ukrainian State Commission of Morals” (motto: Drinking Vodka and Pissing off Russia since 2004!) has declared that The Simpsons violates moral principals and shouldn’t be shown in the Ukrainian equivalent of primetime: Vasyl Kostytskiy, head of the Commission of Morals, explained that members were analyzing “The Simpsons” at the request of two governmental bodies (the prosecutor’s office and National Television and Radio Broadcasting Council). Their task was to check the show’s compliance…
Quote of the Day
“The following is a public service announcement. Excess of alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.” – TV Announcer “Mmmm, beer.” – Homer Simpson