“Are we hot?” – Homer Simpson “We are not.” – Principal Skinner I was a little worried that the HD thing (and the attendant promotion) might give Zombie Simpsons a nice ratings number. My fears were unfounded: While Take My Wife [sic], Please did not break new lows, it received a total of 6.82 million viewers. It is the third least watched episode of the season but the best ratings since November, which is an improvement at least. Being the best since November isn’t much of an accomplishment since there have only been two episodes in that time and as…
Month: February 2009
Quote of the Day
“Forget it pal, they don’t call me Colonel Homer because I’m some dumb ass army guy.” – Homer Simpson
Worth 1,000 Words
In the original opening Homer flees his wife’s car and belts out his iconic scream. In the new opening he gets hit by the car and crashes through the wall, Looney Tunes style. No further comment required.
Quote of the Day
“Well if I was governor I’d sure find better things to do with my time.” – Homer Simpson “Like what?” – Marge Simpson “Like getting Washington’s birthday and Lincoln’s birthday back as separate paid holidays. ‘President’s Day’, pffft, what a rip off.” – Homer Simpson
Well There Went My Weekend
“This is the worst thing you’ve ever done.” – Marge Simpson“You say that so much it’s lost all meaning.” – Homer Simpson *sigh* There it is, the first episode of Simpsons in HD. It may have been the format, or maybe the six pack I drank in nervous anticipation, but that episode just felt wrong. Not wrong like a shirt that shrunk in the wash, or wrong like putting ketchup on ice cream, it fell wrong like paying your grandma to let you watch your grandpa take a bath. Luckily my wife suggested that we Tivo it so we could…
Quote of the Day
“The evening began at the gentlemen’s club where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.” – Homer Simpson “Mr. Simpson, it’s a felony to lie to the FBI.” – Agent Scully “We were sitting in Barney’s car eating packets of mustard, you happy?” – Homer Simpson
An Atypical Valentine’s Day Complaint
“Poor Ralph.” – Lisa Simpson Bitching about Valentine’s Day is almost a pro forma excercise these days (and something of a cottage industry). Basically, people who are in love are made to feel bad because their relationships don’t live up to the ideal, and people who are not in love are made to feel bad for being alone. Of course, making people feel bad to get them to spend money is pretty much the whole point. But I don’t actually care about any of that because I am an ugly and hate filled man. Now, for the Simpsons part. In…
Quote of the Day
“Watch this Lis, you can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half.” – Bart Simpson
The San Francisco Chronicle Gets It Right
Most of the Simpsons related commentary I see on-line sucks balls because most of it revolves around Zombie Simpsons, which sucks balls. However, this morning I got a pleasant surprise. Behold this post from a San Francisco Chronicle blog: “The Simpsons” Season 4, Episode 15, also known as “I Love Lisa,” also known as the Choo-Choo-Choose Me episode. It doesn’t get enough appreciation, but this excellent 1993 show from the creative peak of “The Simpsons” is the “A Charlie Brown Christmas” of Valentine’s Day. Amen, brother. Amen. The post then goes through a few crappy on-line links where you…
Quote of the Day
“Well, it was written in 1845, maybe people were easier to scare back then.” – Lisa Simpson “Oh yeah, like when you look at Friday the 13th part one, it’s pretty tame by today’s standards.” – Bart Simpson
No Seriously, Take it!
“Oh come on Edna! We both know these children have no future!!” – Seymour Skinner In the second part of my two part series chronicling my hatred of Zombie Simpsons episodes involving time shifts, I will address the failures of episodes with a flashforward premise. As I warned in the end of part one, there will be some similarities in this post. If you think I am just being lazy (which I do not deny), try this exercise: Make a list of reasons you think the shit your dog took this morning was gross, then make a list of reasons…
Simpsons vs. Zombie Simpsons
The above is a perfect example of the difference between Simpsons and Zombie Simpsons. That is a screen grab from Season 7’s “Sideshow Bob’s Last Gleaming”. Bart and Lisa are in the airbase and the gate is closed; Homer and Marge are trying to get inside. The shot pans down from the top of a razor wire fence and all we see is Marge bandaging Homer’s hands while he says, “Okay, so we can’t go over the fence.” That’s it. The whole thing takes four seconds, we know exactly what Homer did, and all we need to see is the…
Quote of the Day
“Oh, hello Charles. Be a good fellow and tell our viewers about your Theory of Natural Selection.” – C.M. Burns “Glad to, Mr. Burns. You see, every so often Mother Nature changes her animals giving them bigger teeth, sharper claws, longer legs, or, in this case, a third eye.” – An Actor Portraying Charles Darwin
End the Simpsons #4 – Cosmetic Consistency Has Its Limits
“Look at me – er ah – mom, I am – er ah – President Kennedy.” – Homer Simpson Just about any time someone writes an article praising The Simpsons for its longevity they’ll mention what an advantage it is to be a cartoon. The characters don’t get any older (or wider) and so the show can be timeless. In 1995 or even 2000 it was true; but these days it’s a superficial and increasingly nonsensical point. The Simpsons has been on for so long now that the world itself has changed around them and as a result the…
Quote of the Day
“Homer, do you want your son to become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court or a sleazy male stripper?” – Marge Simpson “Can’t he be both, like the late Earl Warren?” – Homer Simpson “Earl Warren wasn’t a stripper.” – Marge Simpson “Now who’s being naive?” – Homer Simpson
Take this episode, please!
“It’ll be great to see the old gang again, Potsie, Ralph Malph, the Fonz.” – Homer Simpson“That was ‘Happy Days’.” – Marge Simpson“No, they weren’t all happy days, like the time Pinky Tuscadero crashed her motorcycle, or the night I lost all my money to those card sharks and my dad Tom Bosley had to get it back.” – Homer Simpson The next new Zombie Simpsons episode is less than a week away. The buzz seems to revolve around the fact that it will be in HD, but I don’t care about that. I, like everyone else who is fortunate…
Quote of the Day
“Did you know that 34 million American adults are obese? Taken together that excess blubber could fill the Grand Canyon two fifths of the way up. That may not sound impressive but keep in mind it is a very big canyon.” – Kent Brockman
Not Just a River in Egypt
“Lost your Dad?” – TV Announcer “Uh-huh.” – Lonely Boy “He’s not coming back, is he?” – TV Announcer “He might.” – Lonely Boy “No, he’s not.” – TV Announcer Go and read this thread over at tv.com. It’s only two pages, and a lot of it is box quotes, so it really won’t take long. I’m serious. Finished? Good. That thread is an excellent example of what this particular blog is struggling against. These unfortunate people are talking about 500 episodes like it’s a good thing. That’s bad enough, but here’s the kicker: A guy named simpsonian100…
Quote of the Day
“Now, a lot of people are gonna be tellin’ you you’re crazy, and maybe they’re right. But the fact of the matter is, bones heal, chicks dig scars, and the United States of America has the best doctor to daredevil ratio in the world.” – Capt. Lance Murdoch
Quote of the Day
“See, I’m trying to teach my son here about treating women as objects.” – Homer Simpson “That’s a good idea.” – Strip Club Proprietor