“Mr. Simpson don’t sit on that filthy thing one second longer!  They’ve given you . . . the key.” – Karl

In our continuing mission to bring you only the finest in low class, low brow, and low tech internet Simpsons commentary we’re bringing back our “Crazy Noises” series and applying it to Season 21.  Because doing a podcast smacks of effort we’re still using this “chatroom” thing that all the middle schoolers and undercover cops seem to think is so cool.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “handkerchief”).

We’re almost at the expiration date for “The Devil Wears Nada” but despite some scheduling difficulties we did manage to bitch about it on-line; and now you, the home internet viewer, can suffer through it all over again with us.

Dave: Should we get started?

Charlie Sweatpants: I suppose so.

Mad Jon: So did both you guys watch this?

Dave: Yes sir

Charlie Sweatpants: We suffered through it together.

Mad Jon: I see

Charlie Sweatpants: I’m not sure if that made it worse or better, but then we watched like six old episodes in a row and that definitely made it better.

Dave: Agreed.

Mad Jon: Good tactic

Charlie Sweatpants: How about yourself?

Mad Jon: Yes, yes I did

Charlie Sweatpants: My condolences.

Mad Jon: Much appreciated

I didn’t have a support system like yours

so it was extra painful

I did however drink a few before hand, so you know, that made my life retain meaning

Charlie Sweatpants: That’s good.

Anyone have any thoughts on the actual episode?

Other than just wanting to write “Sucks” in giant letters on it?

Dave: Well, I think we can agree whether we watched it solo or with good company, the episode was a disaster

Slow, unfunny, five montages…

Charlie Sweatpants: It. Just. Kept. Going.

Mad Jon: I get the same product placement feeling I got with the Josh Groban episode.

Charlie Sweatpants: How so?

Mad Jon: Except instead of crappy ipod induced teen ass rock, it was Marge as a centerfold “conveniently” timed for the time following a Playboy appearance.

Charlie Sweatpants: Ah. Yeah, I don’t think anything in this episode is going to cause anyone to rush out and grab a Playdude.

Dave: No way. We saw less skin than in your previous posts, for starters

Mad Jon: No, but I don’t think people who watched the Equalia episode ran out to download Groban either. It doesn’t mean they weren’t trying.

Charlie Sweatpants: But like most Zombie Simpsons, the calendar was just this goofy plot point that started the rest of what I guess I have to call the “plot”.

Mad Jon: I guess. I was pretty delirious from a day of traveling, but I have to say that episode was more of a smattering of events than a plot.

Charlie Sweatpants: I mean, there’s never any resolution about what happens with the calendar, it’s just to get Marge horny, but Bart’s thing at school, the people at the church, the other women who weren’t in the calendar, all of that was just dropped.

And then at the end, it’s all this suspenseful string music about whether or not Marge and NED FLANDERS(!) are going have sex.

Mad Jon: The only time I cracked a smile was when Ned told his children he’d fill their pockets with rocks and march them to sea before letting them live with their Uncle and his ‘friend’.

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, but even that was out of character.

Mad Jon: This episode even had a scene in the plant. Still not worth me putting my bear down.

Dave: The whole Marge/Ned sex thing was preposterous – it was never going to happen

Charlie Sweatpants: Which in and of itself I don’t have a problem with, but they dragged it out like it was going to happen.

Mad Jon: Heh, I meant beer.

Dave: Yeah, we were at SNPP long enough to see Carl completely transform into not-Carl

Charlie Sweatpants: unCarl was definitely very weird.

Mad Jon: That was like the Carl in ‘Lisa’s Wedding’, except for more than 1.5 seconds.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, but he was a jerk, and an ill informed jerk at that.

Mad Jon: Yes, yes he was.

Charlie Sweatpants: At the end when Carl’s hitting on . . . ugh . . . the first lady of France he doesn’t know anything.

Not only does Carl become a jerk, but he let’s Homer run his life.

Mad Jon: Honestly I had checked out by then, I stopped watching when I saw Homer dancing with a handkerchief

Dave: I was numb by that point in the episode

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, it happened.

Also, I’m pretty sure that Lisa had literally one (1) line in the entire episode.

Dave: Easiest paycheck ever

for Yeardley Smith, anyway

Charlie Sweatpants: Hey, that’s a good idea, let’s go to the transcript . . .

Her line was, “Sorry, I have a tea party at Janie’s.” That’s eight words, at a reported $400,000 per episode that’s $50 grand per word, and ~$36,000 per syllable.

I don’t think Schwarzenegger made that much for “Terminator 2”.

Mad Jon: Also she got to keep her prints off that train wreck for the most part.

which is priceless

Dave: That’s really high and not terribly surprising

Charlie Sweatpants: Not my money.

Dave: Bingo.

Charlie Sweatpants: Although it was my half hour, but I don’t think my time is as valuable as hers.

Mad Jon: Not unless you have any $400,000 checks that haven’t cleared yet.

Dave: I would like a $400K check, Jon

Are you offering?

Mad Jon: Can I post date it?

Dave: Of course

Mad Jon: I may be able to swing something then. Will you take a two-party out-of-state bad check?

Dave: I don’t think I’ve ever said “no” before

Mad Jon: Nice.

Charlie Sweatpants: That was better repartee than anything in this episode. Well done, gentlemen.

So, everyone acts out of character, there’s no discernable story, what story there is hinges on Marge and Flanders rather pathetically thinking about humping, and the kids are barely in it. Oh, and Homer has the French President on speed dial. Did we miss anything?

Dave: I think that pretty well covers it

Mad Jon: As far as I am willing to devote any brain power, I agree.

Charlie Sweatpants: Anything else?

Dave: Nothing from me

Mad Jon: Nah.

Charlie Sweatpants: Good, screw this episode and let us never speak of it again.