“It’s an old fashioned hole diggin’!  By gar it’s been a while!” – Jasper

To put it extremely mildly, “Radio Bart” is one of the most exquisitely produced and hilarious 22 minutes of television ever created.  But you already knew that.  What you may not know is the rich history of people falling down holes.  PopMatters is here to enlighten you with a two part article that’s heavy on two things: “Radio Bart” and people falling down holes.  This, from part one, sucked me in:

The referential glee dissipated somewhat as the years passed and the show’s quality and intellectual heft plummeted. The cultural references became strained and unconvincing as the once vibrant Simpsons suddenly faced the mundane chore of existence that comes with the promise of immortality (it’s currently at 21 seasons and not likely to vanish any time soon). What was once a passing glimpse in the midst of the fun, a giddy moment of recognition and free-association, simultaneously irrelevant and insightful, became an uninspired and superficial image stretched out to fill half an hour (Simpsons writer #1: ‘Mr Burns dresses as Dracula. Here’s my bill.’)

Ain’t that the truth.  The whole thing, including part two, is well worth your time.  It goes into the history of people in holes, including a couple of incidents I’d never heard of, and it’s absolutely fascinating.  Of course it also includes discussion of the 1951 movie Ace in the Hole (in which you get to see Kirk Douglas’ chin pit do some if its finest work) from which “Radio Bart” takes many of its cues.  (Ace in the Hole has aged superbly, by the way.) 

One of the reasons I find this so fascinating is the speed with which these things get forgotten.  I’m old enough to remember the “Baby Jessica” incident but Dave, the youngest of our happy trio here, is not.  We were watching “Radio Bart” a while back and I don’t think he completely believed me when I told him what a genuinely national obsession it was.  For those of you out there who are also too young (or too non-American) to remember it allow me a Grandpa Simpson moment to enlighten you. 

The story is pretty simple, 18 month old girl falls down unmarked well, two days later they get her out.  But it went beyond merely being national news, it was the news.  While she was down there it was as if nothing else was even happening.  “Baby Jessica” (who was really more of a toddler, but for marketing purposes “baby” worked much better) was all people talked about.  The local news would run scare stories about how any yard or field could be pockmarked with unmarked wells just waiting to swallow your children.  Updates from the site came in constantly (about how she was doing, what they were trying and why).  And it was all capped off in made-for-teevee fashion (literally) when she was rescued on live national television . . . in primetime. 

Every channel was carrying the scene live from the well for hours.  Imagine that, the bulk of the civilian television system of the wealthiest, most technically advanced country on Earth was, all at once, broadcasting live from some field in Texas on account of one little girl.  When “Radio Bart” first came out that was the only “trapped in hole” story I’d ever heard, and until I saw Ace in the Hole I just assumed it was the only one.  It was so huge it didn’t occur to me that there had ever been anything similar. 

“Baby Jessica” was a shooting star of a story, huge national news for less than a week and then . . . nothing.  Jessica went back to being a little girl and it gets talked about so rarely that even if you’re just a little too young to remember when it happened you’ve probably never heard of it.  Which is why the final joke from that episode always cracks me up.  Because the only aftermath to the sensation, and even it didn’t last long, was this goofy talk about how America needed to protect kids from unmarked wells.  There really were people who thought this incident heralded a rash of well trappings and that something had to be done (Think of the children! etcetera, etcetera).  Too rich.