“Alright, are you willing to go undercover to nail this creep?” – Kent Brockman
“No way, man! No way, man! Get yourself another patsy, man! No way am I wearing a freakin’ wire!” – Homer Simpson
“Alright alright alright, would you be willing to wear a hidden camera and microphone?” – Kent Brockman
“Oh, that I’ll wear.” – Homer Simpson

In our ongoing mission to bring you only the shallowest and laziest analysis of Zombie Simpsons, we’re keeping up our Crazy Noises series for Season 22.  Since a podcast is so 2004, and video would require a flag, a fern and some folding chairs from the garage, we’ve elected to use the technology that brought the word “emoticon” to the masses: the chatroom.  Star Trek image macros are strictly forbidden, unless you have a really good reason why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on  “electrocution”).

To start “Donnie Fatso”, Zombie Simpsons once again had their FOX News helicopter spin by during the opening. After the initial joke at the beginning of “The Fool Monty” caused a little press stir, they’ve now put the helicopter in two subsequent openings, each time with a bland, five year old jab at FOX News on the side. This is beyond day late and dollar short territory, this is years late and millions short. Ohhh, milquetoast FOX News jokes, take that 2003!

Note: Dave couldn’t make it this week, so it’s just Mad Jon and I.

 

Charlie Sweatpants: Ready to go?

Mad Jon: Yes

Charlie Sweatpants: Let me start by saying that I thought there was some small redeeming value to the overly long couch gag this time.

Mad Jon: What was that, the value?

Charlie Sweatpants: Not much, mind you, but doing all that for Christmas and then having the episode pick up right after New Year’s at least kinda fit in.

It was still far, far too long, with very little in the way of creative content, but if there’s going to continue to be super long couch gags at least they can tie directly into the episode.

Mad Jon: Ok, I can see that. It was more boring that bad, and I can see the lead in.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, it didn’t help the rest of the episode.

Mad Jon: No, it was downhill from the opening.

A steep, steep hill at that.

Charlie Sweatpants: It hit rock bottom pretty fast and stayed there, if that’s what you’re getting at.

Mad Jon: I am. The scene where Moe started looking for privacy, ended up in the Wizard of Oz was probably the entire hill. Especially since it took me a few seconds to figure out that when Moe was explaining to Homer about how to get out of the tickets, it was actually supposed to be a continuation of the search for privacy scene.

Charlie Sweatpants: Even the hangover stuff was lame. Was it supposed to be funny to have Marge yelling about the Fiesta Bowl?

  And then doing it again?

Mad Jon: And there isn’t anything funny about the Fiesta bowl mind you.

Charlie Sweatpants: No, there isn’t. But there could’ve been. I mean, you could’ve called it the Tostitos Lime with Coconut Restaurant Style Fiesta Salsa Bowl, or something.

Mad Jon: That would at least have shown effort.

Charlie Sweatpants: Just repeating the words “Fiesta Bowl” doesn’t do anything but tick a few more precious seconds off the clock.

Mad Jon: And remind me of a few hungover New Year’s Days.

  Oh how me and my wife used to fight about the fiesta bowl….

Charlie Sweatpants: Really? I can’t detect sarcasm through my laptop as well as I can in person.

Mad Jon: Touche my friend. You had me for a second there, I almost frantically typed in all caps about how obscenely dense you is.

Charlie Sweatpants: To back up for a second, is there any explanation for all of Moe’s back doors? And was the whole point of putting a stage there just so they could use the word “Chimpanmee”?

Mad Jon: Also the dance.

  Don’t forget the 25 second dance.

Charlie Sweatpants: And it kept going.

Mad Jon: Yes it did.

  And then there was a non-transition back to the same place they were more than a minute ago.

To talk about what they were going to talk about elsewhere.

  And during that time, zero actual jokes, or reasonably acceptable physical comedy took place.

Charlie Sweatpants: The whole sequence was really bizarre. This one didn’t have a B-plot and only had about 40% of an A-plot, so I guess those sorts of things are inevitable, but still.

Mad Jon: It felt hurried, and I felt anxious.

Charlie Sweatpants: And we haven’t even gotten to the real horrorshow, Homer’s immediate sentence to prison, then becoming and undercover cop, then a mob insider, and finally . . . some kind of guilt ridden something or other.

Mad Jon: Also the real horrorshow contained copies of 4 separate Simpsons and Zombie Simpsons episode plot lines.

Charlie Sweatpants: Episodes have covered a lot of ground in the past, but this was two kinds of terrible. First, they didn’t have enough story to fill the episode, they went from cliched scene to cliched scene and once they’d done the bare minimum they moved on. Second, it took itself relentlessly seriously.

Mad Jon: All these things are true.

Charlie Sweatpants: Homer spent a good minute agonizing over torching Moe’s, even though no reason is given for why Fat Tony wanted him to, then all of a sudden it’s like “nevermind, Moe did it”.

Mad Jon: That was convenient.

Also it had no immediate or long term consequences.

Charlie Sweatpants: The whole thing with Homer getting made was similar. Uh-oh, he’s got a bag over his head, oh nevermind, just another unrelated set piece.

Mad Jon: Did Fat Tony’s voice seem really, really off to you?

Charlie Sweatpants: It did.

  But it’s been nearly twenty years, and Mantegna is no spring chicken, so that makes sense.

Mad Jon: Yeah, I guess.

Charlie Sweatpants: Speaking of voices, we got the first line from Patty or Selma in forever, and Kavner really can’t get those going any more.

I understand why, even with her naturally raspy voice that’s gotta be kinda hard to do, but she really can’t get that deep smoker’s lung that made their voices so funny in the first place anymore.

Mad Jon: Clearly not.

But hey, Hank Azaria is still going strong with Wiggum!

Charlie Sweatpants: So, then “Fit Tony” and Burns showed up for some reason.

Mad Jon: Seriously. That couldn’t have been more random

  Fat Tony’s cousin, a gym and Burns.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, I know the reason, they were three minutes short, but what the hell was Burns doing there.

He doesn’t exercise!

Mad Jon: Random number generators seem fixed compared to that scene.

Charlie Sweatpants: Nor did he have any lines that were really his style.

Mad Jon: Agreed.

  This is the man who shuns family, religion and friends to make a dollar.

Charlie Sweatpants: If you’re dead set on having that joke about being the best boss ever, they could’ve had the other gangster there. Or someone from Homer’s past. But they’re so locked into their paper thin templates they went with Burns.

Mad Jon: I think the whole scene was all but un-savable. Even Scorpio in his prime couldn’t have righted that train.

Charlie Sweatpants: You’ve got a chance to pick some boss Homer disappointed, it’s a totally blank canvas you can put anything on, and they settle for what they already know.

  This whole episode was a complete train wreck.

Mad Jon: Lord knows he’s had enough bosses.

Charlie Sweatpants: The only thing I’m really curious about was why they played this one this week instead of last week. Were they worried that the hour long Family Guy would overshadow Katy Perry or something?

  Wait, did I just assume they put thought into things?

  Shame on me.

Mad Jon: That was a close one.

Charlie Sweatpants: Phew.

Mad Jon: The only other think that really bothered me was the text at the end that said “Homer would never again work for the FBI.”

  They spit in your face, and tell you it’s raining.

  AND when they DO do it in 2 or 3 seasons from now, it will be like “that was the joke!”

Charlie Sweatpants: Now you’re giving them credit for thinking. I thought the title cards were just that last desperate push to get over the finish line.

Mad Jon: I don’t mean that they are setting us up for the FBI again, I am just saying they’ll do it, and then if anyone points it out… Oh fuck it.

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, that’s I’ll agree with.

Their defenses about being old and crazy aren’t even subconscious now, they’re just nervous reflexes. Anything else?

Mad Jon: No, I can’t even get into the “Killing Tony and replacing Tony” shit. Seriously. Bush league. Move. Mother. Fuckers.

  So no. nothing else from me.