“Oh my god, it’s my old boyfriend, Artie Ziff.” – Marge Simpson “Hello Marge, have you heard? I’m stinking rich. Jealous?” – Artie Ziff “I’ll bet you’d trade it all for one night with my wife.” – Homer Simpson “I would.” – Artie Ziff “Homer!” – Marge Simpson The crazy Act 3 plot swerve was one of the things that finally convinced me to give up on the show ever being good again. Once you get into the double digit seasons, crazier and crazier things began happening at the end of episodes. What had been a bizarre, albeit short and…
Year: 2010
Quote of the Day
Images of Arnold, Borden, Nixon, Booth, Blackbeard, and Dillinger taken from Wikimedia Commons. 1976 Philadelphia Flyers taken from http://www.flyershistory.com.  “I give you the jury of the damned: Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Richard Nixon.” – The Devil “But I’m not dead yet! In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.” – Richard Nixon “Hey listen, I did a favor for you.” – The Devil “Yes, master.” – Richard Nixon “John Wilkes Booth, Blackbeard the pirate, John Dillinger, and the starting line of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers!” – The Devil
“Jaws Wired Shut” Makes Baby Jesus Cry
“Excuse me, you didn’t answer me. You just trailed off.” – Kirk van Houten “Yeah, yeah, I did kinda trail off there, didn’t I?” – Chief Wiggum I had such high hopes for this commentary. It has Joe Mantegna, a man with a proven ability to rescue Zombie Simpsons commentaries from their ordinary mediocrity. Sadly, although Mantegna was here, he barely spoke. The commentary was actually worse than normal, in no small part because the third act of this episode is so wretchedly bad that Al Jean and company basically admit it sucks and then talk about anything else that…
Quote of the Day
“Hey, I heard we’re going Ape Island.” – Carl “Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.” – Lenny “Candy Apple Island, what do they got there?” – Charlie “Apes, but there not so big.” – Carl
Quote of the Day
“Boy, you read my thoughts, you’ve got the shinning.” – Groundskeeper Willie “You mean ‘shining’.” – Bart Simpson “Shhh, do you want to get sued?” – Groundskeeper Willie Happy Birthday Nancy Cartwright!
Quote of the Day (Updated)
“I’m not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars.” – Marge Simpson “Don’t be so stubborn. We’re not talking about a few dollars, we’re talking about a few thousand dollars!” – Homer Simpson Happy 20th anniversary to “Treehouse of Horror”! At least, I think today is the 20th anniversary. Wikipedia, IMDb, TV.com and even SNPP all have it as October 25th, not the 24th. In 1990, October 25th was a Thursday, so that makes sense. However, epguides has it as October 24th, 1990, which was a Wednesday. Curious, I dug out the booklet…
Season 4 Marathon: 22 Episode, 22 Beers, 8h:25m:44s
“Well, well, look who it is. Mister ‘I don’t need alcohol to enjoy life’.” – Moe Good morning everyone and welcome to the third Simpsons-Beer marathon! The mob has spoken and has acclaimed Season 4 as its champion. I am looking forward, at 2:30ish this afternoon, to watching Homer struggle with his drinking problem after I’ve downed 16 beers alone. Click here for an explanation of how this all works, and let’s get started. Beer and Simpsons, hurrah! 1. Kamp Krusty It was years after I first saw this episode that I got Bart’s 36-24-36 locker combination joke. Homer is…
Quote of the Day
“Oh my god, space aliens. Don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: Just Don’t Look Edition
“Just don’t look. Just don’t look.” – Paul Anka & Lisa Simpson [Note: The Halloween themed animated .gif above comes courtesy of reader Api who sent it in with the subject line, “The perfect GIF to symbolise what needs to be done with The Simpsons.” Damn right.] This week, the Vatican’s shitty newspaper, with which I’ve had dealings in the past, wrote something dumb about Homer being Catholic. And so, for about the third week in a row, the Simpsons part of the internet was flooded with one boring topic. The number of “Homer? Catholic?” type articles I read and/or…
Quote of the Day
“On this cable system we receive over one million channels from the furthest reaches of the galaxy.” – Kang “Do you get HBO?” – Bart Simpson “No, that would cost extra.” – Kang
Idiot to Again Set Bad Example for the Children
“It’s my dad, lying there on the couch, drinking a beer, staring at the TV. I’ve never seen him like that.” – Bart Simpson It turns out I have nothing to do this Saturday other than celebrate Mole Day. It also turns out that it’s been five months since I set aside some time for a serious day of drinking and Simpsons watching. That means I can celebrate Mole Day by conducting one of my favorite bio-chemistry experiments: my liver, brain and blood oxygen levels versus my old friend ethanol in another Simpsons-Beer Marathon. As with the previous two times…
Quote of the Day
“Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!” – Kodos
“Weekend at Burnsie’s” Makes Baby Jesus Cry
Bonus: crazy backwards Spanish version. I was sort of looking forward to watching this episode. I honestly had not seen it in seven years or so and I remembered not completely hating it. Turns out it sucks, and the few good weed jokes are stranded in Act 2. Act 1 is Homer gaining the ability to control crows; Act 3 is the lifeless body of Mr. Burns being used as a puppet in an homage to the cinematic and comedy genius of the “Weekend at Bernie’s” franchise. To my surprise, however, the commentary was pretty good. They actually talked about…
Quote of the Day
“Who’s that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib.” – C.M. Burns “Uh, Prince of Darkness, sir. He’s your eleven o’clock.” – Mr. Smithers
“She of Little Faith” Makes Baby Jesus Cry
Image taken from Wikimedia Commons. “Ah, Mr. Simpson, you’re forgetting the first two Noble Truths of the Buddha.” – Sideshow Bob “I am not.” – Homer Simpson This episode is so by-the-numbers Zombie Simpsons that it might as well be a “How to” manual. Homer acts crazy, Lisa acts sanctimonious (literally), and there’s a Hollywood movie star voicing himself for no reason. It even has the bonus feature of the weird ending. In this case, it turns into an abbreviated Christmas episode with no warning whatsoever with about three minutes to go. Truly bizarre. This commentary is also pretty par…
Quote of the Day
“Ah, the Miracle Mile, where value wears a neon sombrero and there’s not a single church or library to offend the eye.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Okay, I’m not gonna kill you, but I’m gonna tell you three things that are gonna haunt you for the rest of your days. You’ve ruined your father, you’ve crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary!” – Homer Simpson “It is?” – Bart Simpson Happy 20th Anniversary to “Simpson and Delilah”! Original airdate 18 October 1990.
Quote of the Day
“You mean you’re willing to give up a good job and a raise just for your principles?” – C.M. Burns “Hmm, when you put it that way it does sound a little far fetched.” – Homer Simpson
Actual Instructions for Drawing Homer Simpson
“Now, using the Lombardo Method, you’ll learn to see everyday objects as a simple grouping of geometrical shapes. Here, we see how two concentric circles, various trapezoids, ellipses – and yes, even a rhombus! – can create an adorable little bunny rabbit. It’s just that easy!” – Professor Lombardo One of my little hobby horses around here is posting videos of people either drawing Simpsons characters or purporting to teach you how to draw Simpsons characters. I find these videos oddly fascinating, mostly because I can’t draw for shit and it’s neat to see how something like that gets done. …
Quote of the Day
“Well, that’s the end of the girls’ floor exercise. Now, let’s bring on the men!” – Waylon Smithers