“Reverend Lovejoy, with all that’s happened to us today, I kinda feel like Job.” – Ned Flanders “Well, aren’t you being a tad melodramatic, Ned? Also, I believe Job was right handed.” – Reverend Lovejoy
Month: July 2018
Quote of the Day
“I’ll tell you one thing: Greasy Joe is sorry he ever saw the likes of me.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“It’s time for the church picnic.” – Marge Simpson “What? They had a picnic last week.” – Homer Simpson “No, they didn’t. You just brought a bucket of chicken to church!” – Marge Simpson “If God didn’t want us to eat in church, he would’ve made gluttony a sin.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Man, you’d never get me into a ring. Boxing causes brain damage.” – Barney Gumble
Quote of the Day
“Look at those phonies, sucking up to Bush! I guess you might say he’s barking up the wrong bush.” – Homer Simpson “There it is, Homer, the cleverest thing you’ll ever say and nobody heard it.” – Homer’s Brain “D’oh!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Are you guys talking about the West Side?” – Cookie Kwan “No, Cookie! I swear it! I’m scared of you.” – Gil
Quote of the Day
“Excuse me, sir, do you like to laugh?” – Laugh ‘Til You Care Guy “Why, yes. Yes, I do.” – Homer Simpson “Well, then you’ll love our comedy festival. It’s for a good cause.” – Laugh ‘Til You Care Guy “A rest home for pirates?” – Homer Simpson
Makeup Quote of the Day
“They didn’t approve my idea. They said it was unfeasible.” – Bart Simpson “It is unfeasible to resurrect the dead, Bart. And even if the Three Stooges were alive, I doubt they’d want to hang around with you.” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, yeah. I guess they’d probably want to be with their families or something, huh?” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Women always have trouble with the wall . . . can’t ever seem to find the door.” – Chief Wiggum
Quote of the Day
“It’s a tool that every home handyman needs! It’s a jigsaw! It’s a power drill! It’s a wood turning lathe! It’s an asphalt spreader! It’s sixty-seven tools in one! How much would you pay for a machine that can do all this!” – TV Announcer “One thousand dollars!” – Homer Simpson “Oh, don’t answer yet!” – TV Announcer “Oh, sorry.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Patty, Selma, what a pleasant surprise.” – Homer Simpson “Whaddya know, he’s wearing pants.” – Patty Bouvier “I owe you a lunch.” – Selma Bouvier
Quote of the Day
“Here’s your scientifically selected career….” – Dr. J. Loren Pryor “Architect.” – Janie “Insurance salesman.” – Chuck “Salmon gutter?” – Ralph Wiggum “Military strongman!” – Milhouse van Houten “Systems Analyst . . . Systems Analyst . . . Systems Analyst . . .” – Martin Prince “Systems Analyst.” – Dr. J. Loren Pryor “Alright!” – Martin Prince
Quote of the Day
“A million dollars? Thanks, Bart! I owe you one.” – Milhouse van Houten “Uh, that’s a post-dated check, remember. Don’t cash it till the year ten thousand.” – Bart Simpson “Okay.” – Milhouse van Houten
Quote of the Day
“Prohibition? Pfft! They tried that in the movies and it didn’t work.” – Homer Simpson
Makeup Quote of the Day
“So, what’re you in for?” – Bart Simpson “I moved here from Canada and they think I’m slow, eh?” – Canadian Boy “I fell off the jungle gym and when I woke up I was in here.” – Leg Up Girl “I start fires.” – Leg Up Boy
Quote of the Day
“Oh yes, we won! We won! We won! Um, unfortunately, since I bet on the other team, heh . . . uh, we won’t be going for pizza.” – Chief Wiggum
Makeup Quote of the Day
“No, I will not pay you five hundred dollars for sex!” – Marge Simpson “Aw, come on, Marge! You’re getting something in return, and I’m getting a bowling team. It’s win-win!” – Homer Simpson “It’s sick! And I don’t have that kind of money to spend on sex.” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
“What happened?” – Bart Simpson “Aw, don’t worry about that. You’re just finished, that’s all.” – Krusty the Klown “Finished?” – Bart Simpson “It happens all the time. That’s show business for you: one day you’re the most important guy who ever lived. The next day you’re some schmoe working in a box factory.” – Krusty the Klown “I heard that.” – Box Factory Guy
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Bart, it’s not like I’m asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy. You’re a little young to understand this, but when you save a rich man’s life, he showers you with riches! Don’t you know the story of Hercules and the Lion?” – Homer Simpson “Is it a Bible story?” – Bart Simpson “Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the village people tried to pull it out. But nobody was strong enough. So, they got Hercules. And Hercules used his mighty…
Quote of the Day
“As I’m sure you remember, in the late 1980s, the U.S. experienced a short-lived infatuation with Australian culture. For some bizarre reason, the Aussies thought this would be a permanent thing. Of course, it wasn’t.” – Evan Conover “I know those words, but that sign makes no sense.” – Lisa Simpson