“Oh, yes, sitting, the great leveler, from the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn’t enjoy a good sit?” – C.M. Burns Despite watching it once and fast forwarding through it a second time, I’m still not sure what the main plot of “Moms I’d Like to Forget” was. Most Simpsons episodes since the dawn of the show have had a main plot, sometimes accompanied by a second one that fills in the time or complements the main one in some way. But “Moms I’d Like to Forget” didn’t seem to have an A-plot at all, at best it…
Category: Ratings FAIL
Original Replaced with Bloated and Dull Facsimile
“Father McGrath, I thought you were dead!” – Soap Opera Babe “I was!” – Father McGrath In addition to taking up an enormous amount of barren screen time, last night’s death and immediate resurrection of Fat Tony was so blisteringly stupid that I’m not even sure which TV Trope applies. There are a lot of them about death and hacktacular resurrection, but a quick search didn’t turn up one where a long lost relative shows up, does nothing, and then becomes the replacement. The closest similarity that came to mind was Beerfest (which is the only non-Super Troopers movie from…
Misguided Attention Whores Maul Zombie Simpsons; Also, Katy Perry Was There (Updated)
“Why’d they make that one Muppet out of leather?” – Bart Simpson Let me start by saying that I thought the first segment, while poorly executed in places, wasn’t terrible. It wasn’t without its problems, the montage* was pointless, the pacing was skewed, and the show-don’t-tell violation on the reindeer stew spoiled what could’ve been a great joke. But having Santa, in the person of Krusty no less, run his organization like a particularly inept and heartless multinational corporation (reminiscent of Futurama’s Santa), basically worked. There were some decent subtle gags (“Unionize” scrawled on the back of the bench, the…
Paging G.E. Smith (Updated)
“So then his wife comes through the door!” – Homer Simpson “So?” – Bart Simpson “Did I mention she was dead?” – Homer Simpson “No.” – Lisa Simpson “Well, she was. And she hit him in the head with a golf club!” – Homer Simpson “And?” – Bart Simpson “Don’t you remember? He went golfing all the time and it really bugged her.” – Homer Simpson “You said he went bowling!” – Lisa Simpson “D’oh!” – Homer Simpson I’ve often compared Zombie Simpsons to bad sketch comedy, and “How Munched is That Birdie in the Window” is one of the…
All Downhill
“Gimme your fortune or I’ll pound your withered old face in!” – Nelson Muntz “Oh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.” – C.M. Burns Once the overwrought couch gag finally ended, and I think it may have been longer than Avatar itself, Zombie Simpsons had a secret media conspiracy inside the Statue of Liberty. To my astonishment, it was actually funny. To no astonishment whatsoever, the rest of the episode was not. Even by the filler-rific standards of Zombie Simpsons, the last, oh, seventeen minutes or so of this episode were filler-rific. Burns’ odd suicide alone…
Marge Acts Like a Child, Until She Doesn’t, Then It Ends
“A homemaker? I might as well be dead.” – Lisa Simpson “Lisa, it’s not that bad.” – Marge Simpson For all those who have ever wondered what would happen if Zombie Simpsons took “Lisa’s Sax”, “Separate Vocations”, and “Lisa’s Pony” and added in a hash of “Bart the General” as a B-plot, wonder no more. It lasts about twenty-two minutes, moving glacially from one overwrought plot point to another, pausing occasionally for a bizarre aside that the writers think is clever. In that last category, we have the interminable gas station scene at the beginning, Willie’s bizarre floor-waxer conniption fit,…
Even Vampires and Wizards and Wizard Vampires Cannot Save You
“We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense, so we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy.” – Bart Simpson Zombie Simpsons has a well deserved reputation for massively over-relying on physical comedy. When they’re completely out of ideas, which is often, they’ll just find ways to cause Homer and/or Bart a lot of pain. In this episode, Homer stuck his head into a flaming jack-o-lantern, was run over by a lawnmower, repeatedly fell down, was eaten by a shark, bitten by vampires, fell off a bell tower, and then hauled off by…
I Can’t Think of a Baseball Metaphor for Poor Storytelling or Low Ratings
“Smithers, it’s almost game time, where the devil are my ringers?” – C.M. Burns “Sir, Mike Scioscia might not live through the night. Steve Sax is looking at six consecutive life sentences. And Ozzie Smith seems to have vanished off the face of the Earth.” – Mr. Smithers Shortly before the weak-and-lazy-even-by-their-standards introduction of throwaway voice Mike Scioscia, Zombie Simpsons demonstrated yet again just how apathetic they are towards anything that could be called storytelling. Bart and Marge are riding on a rollercoaster, and Bart makes the completely offhand remark, “You know, Mom, after only seven hours in this amusement…
Slapped Together
“As you may know, I might not be around much longer. So I’ve decided to give you your inheritance before I die, that way I can see you enjoy it.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson Frankenstein’s Monster had less obvious stitch marks where the pieces were sewn together than this episode. We’ve got Lisa and Nelson getting involved (“Lisa’s Date with Density”), Marge splurging on something and returning it (“Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield”), Grampa passing on money to kick start the plot (“Lisa vs. Malibu Stacey”), the kids doling out their inherited money (“Bart the Fink”), and someone…
Getting Colder
“It was an unusually warm February 14th, so the children walked home without jackets.” – Lisa Simpson In all its manic motion – to Europe!, to camp!, to Not Brooklyn! – Zombie Simpsons never stops to develop a character, tell a story or, heaven forbid, make sense from one scene to the next. To take just one example, Lisa rides her bike to hang out with the Conchords in what she imagines is their cool artist abode. She’s wearing just her usual red dress. Once she gets inside, they have her shiver and complain that it’s cold (because they have…
Desperate Ratings Ploy Fails Miserably
“Well, your honor, we’ve got plenty of hearsay and conjecture. Those are kinds of evidence.” – Lionel Hutz I’ve still never seen the 24 episode of Zombie Simpsons, but it couldn’t have been any more whorish than last night’s extended American Idol promo. Why anyone would want to watch Simon Cowell pretend to make fun of himself for ten minutes is beyond me, but that was nothing compared to the scene with the rest of the Idol judges. It would be difficult to imagine a more formulaic, by-the-numbers, and downright lifeless segment. They had the cast of another television show…
Well, At Least They Didn’t Make a “Face”book Joke
“I really wish they wouldn’t scream.” – Itchy & Scratchy Land Technician There’s not much to be said about an episode that spent most of its time expositing its many loopy story conceits. Of course, in between bouts of joke free exposition there were any number of recycled premises, sloppy scene staging, and all of the rest of the usual problems. Four year olds who have to pee very badly can tell a funnier and more coherent story than this. Happily, there’s only one episode left before we’re free for the summer. The numbers are in and though they remain…
3 Hackneyed Teevee Marriages for the Price of 1!
“I felt kinda guilty cause I was always trying to score with his wife.” – Moe I don’t mind exceedingly cliched cell phone shenanigans when they happen in dumb horror movies. We know the characters need to be isolated, and it’s not a big deal. In fact, the chronic failure of cell phones is the kind of thing a mildly comedic show might find some way to satirize. Instead, Zombie Simpsons played it straight, blundering into another pop culture faux pas without even realizing it. But that was only a taste of the horrifyingly unpleasant time to come: Moe…
Last Week: Bad Puns, This Week: Bad Blonde Jokes, Next Week: Knock Knock Jokes
“What’s he gonna do next, a flapping dickey?” – Jay Leno It’s generally not a good sign when the cleverest writing of the week is the bubble-gum pop song that the network made you use for an opening. But sometimes even two montages, a stick-figure story that doesn’t go anywhere, and Flanders making “tsk tsk” noises for no reason aren’t enough to fill your timeslot. When that happens, you can always fall back on blonde jokes and meandering exposition. And when I say meandering, I mean meandering, like Wiggum going on about chairs, Flanders explaining what he’s doing, and Lisa…
Jumping Sharks and Riding Whales
“Now, Henry Winkler, there’s a father. Listen to what he told a close friend, ‘I don’t always keep my cool like the Fonz, but my love for my kids has given me plenty of happy days’.” – Selma Bouvier While Homer was being menaced by sharks this week, I couldn’t help but think of that most damning of cultural epitaphs: jumped the shark. Isn’t falling into the ocean from a magically conjured motorboat, getting hit in the head by a bucket (why a bucket?), and then being saved from sharks by riding a whale at least as bankrupt an idea…
Ratings Catastrophe Continues
“That story isn’t suitable for children.” – Lisa Simpson “Really? I keep my pants on in this version.” – Chief Wiggum Remember when Chief Wiggum used to go to speakeasies, porno theaters, and brothels? Zombie Simpsons thought that was a little dull, so they decided to spice things up by grafting a cliche-ridden romantic comedy plot onto him. It’s almost as though improbable melodrama is the only thing they know how to do. Along the way they managed to turn Wiggum into something even whinier and duller than their endlessly heartbroken Moe. In terms of sheer character destruction, that’s pretty…
Security at Burns Manor Has Really Gotten Lax
“Going somewhere?” – C.M. Burns “That’s impossible! How did you get here first?” – Bart Simpson “Oh, there’ll be plenty of time for explanations later.” – C.M. Burns Zombie Simpsons Writer #1: Have we ever had Smithers take over the power plant? [10 second pause] Zombie Simpsons Writer #2: I don’t think so. ZSW#1: How do we get rid of Burns? [20 second pause] ZSW#2: Could we send him to prison? ZSW#1: Why not? How do we get him out of prison? ZSW#2: What if Homer broke in to prison? ZSW#1: That’s stupid- [Intern pokes head in door] Intern: Lunch…
Tourism Brochures Are Funnier Than This
“Oh, not my Paris backdrop! How am I gonna make fun of the Frogs?” – Krusty the Klown At some point the “destination” episodes of Zombie Simpsons became little more than excuses to have Homer and Bart act out in front of famous landmarks or generic “travel” backdrops. Why yes, Bart brought his skateboard to the Wailing Wall (and got into a pointless chase/fight sequence); why yes, Homer took a nap in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre; and they both goofed around in David’s Tomb. Did they make it to the Dead Sea and the Dome of the Rock? …
Just Nitpicking
“Wait, that did end in heartbreak. Thanks for opening up old wounds, Mom.” – Bart Simpson The irrelevant and drawn out couch gag is a good indication of the lack of comedy invention within. The comedic growth of this show cannot even be charted. It is treading water in a sea of recycled plots and derivative montages. The numbers continue to be awful, with this week’s shit sandwich watched by only 5.69 million people. That’s not as bad as last week, but it’s still the fourth lowest number ever. Unfortunately it’s looking more and more likely that Season 21 will…
Mediocrity Punished
“I’d like you to explain why we should build a mass transit system in a small town with a centralized population?” – Lisa Simpson “Ha ha, young lady that’s the most intelligent question I’ve ever been asked.” – Lyle Lanley “Really?” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, I could give you an answer, but the only ones who’d understand it would be you and me . . . and that includes your teacher.” – Lyle Lanley The numbers are in and they’re wonderfully bad. That typically boring and nonsensical Zombie Simpsons episode was endured by just 5.23 million viewers. That’s the third…