Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user oliptang. “If in fact you’ve consumed the venom of the blowfish, and from what the chef has told me it’s quite probable, you have twenty-four hours to live.” – Dr. Hibbert “Twenty-four hours?” – Homer Simpson “Well, twenty-two, I’m sorry I kept you waiting so long.” – Dr. Hibbert
Month: May 2011
Crazy Noises: 500 Keys
“What’s that weird key for?” – Bart Simpson “That’s Daddy’s magic key. It opens every door in town.” – Ralph Wiggum In our ongoing mission to bring you only the shallowest and laziest analysis of Zombie Simpsons, we’re keeping up our Crazy Noises series for Season 22. Since a podcast is so 2004, and video would require a flag, a fern and some folding chairs from the garage, we’ve elected to use the technology that brought the word “emoticon” to the masses: the chatroom. Star Trek image macros are strictly forbidden, unless you have a really good reason why Captain…
Quote of the Day
“Dozens of people are gunned down each day in Springfield, but until now none of them was important.” – Kent Brockman
Compare & Contrast: Shortcuts & How Not to Ruin Jokes
“Alright, we’re here. Let us never speak of the shortcut again.” – Homer Simpson Of all the digressions and clock killing asides that make up “500 Keys”, the one that’s most out of place has to be the not quite Wages of Fear/Sorcerer drive back from the cake store (which made a lot more sense and was vastly funnier in “Mr. Plow”). This episode had four simultaneous plots going on, three of which managed to roughly collide near the end, and yet this wasn’t involved in any of them. It didn’t even have anything to do with the cake that…
Quote of the Day
“That’s my nephew, displaying the Quimby wit that’s won the public’s heart. Happy birthday, Freddie, and may all your disgraces be private.” – Mayor Quimby
Even Their Apologies Suck
Via springfieldx2 on Twitter I see that Zombie Simpsons made a halfhearted stab at apologizing to Kristen Schaal for misspelling her name last week. Schaal herself even posted a screen grab of it: At first I thought that was nice of them but, as with everything Zombie Simpsons, they have to make it more complicated than it otherwise should be. After thinking about it for a second, it dawned on me that I probably would remember seeing that, and I didn’t. Indeed, the version I saw didn’t have that on the chalkboard at all. As of this writing, neither does…
Blimps and Flashbacks Everywhere!
“Hey, can I drive?” – Barney Gumble “Well, I can’t see the harm.” – Duff Blimp Pilot There is one thing I completely enjoyed about “500 Keys”, the closing credits. Not just because it meant the episode was over, but for that violin rendition of the theme song. It was nicely done and will make a decent addition to the ever expanding catalog of different versions of the Simpsons theme. There were a couple of other things I didn’t completely loathe, but as is typical of such things, the episode promptly ran most of them into the ground. Skinner telling…
Quote of the Day
“You guys get to play with knives? Oh cool, a spork.” – Bart Simpson “Don’t hurt me!” – Nasally Kid
Sunday Preview: 500 Keys
Two more episodes to go this year. Hold your nose because they aren’t going to get any better: When the Simpsons discover a collection of keys to every door in Springfield, Lisa stumbles upon an eerie hidden classroom beneath Springfield Elementary School. When she shares her discovery with Principal Skinner, the secret room mysteriously disappears and he takes the only key away. A determined Lisa uses her detective skills to lead her back to the room to solve an old school mystery. I do so enjoy the mystery episodes, all those opportunities for fake tension and string music. On the…
Quote of the Day
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user masterplaan. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you, Krusty. But, you know, my mom says god never closes a door without opening a window.” – Bart Simpson “No offense, kid, but your mom’s a dingbat.” – Krusty the Klown
Treehouse of Horror VI Script
“Astronomers from Tacoma to Vladivostok have just reported an ionic disturbance in the vicinity of the Van Allen Belt. Scientists are recommending that all necessary precautions be taken.” – Radio Announcer Five years ago, a better than average copy of William Shakespeare’s First Folio was sold at auction in Britain for £2.8 million. Part of what made it so attractive to the sort of people who are rich and bored enough to covet such items is the fact that, despite being printed in 1623, it contained notes from fans of the period: Annotations are written throughout in brown ink and…
Quote of the Day
“Marge, TV gives so much and asks so little. It’s a boy’s best friend.” – Homer Simpson “That’s the problem. Even as we speak, millions of children are staring at the TV instead of getting some much needed exercise. Those children’s parents should be ashamed of themselves.” – Marge Simpson
Reading Digest: Bart vs. The Space Mutants Edition
“Oh, cool man, Space Mutants 4, drop me off, drop me off!” – Bart Simpson “No way Jose.” – Marge Simpson “Marge, they’re only space mutants.” – Homer Simpson “I know what those movies are like, killing innocent people, eating human flesh. You just get a lot of bad ideas.” – Marge Simpson Two links this week to the original Simpsons video game, “Bart vs. The Space Mutants”. It came out during Season 2, which is why the “Space Mutants” of the title are the ones from “The Telltale Head”, not Kang and Kodos. If you’re under the age of…
Quote of the Day
“This is so relaxing. Homey, this was a wonderful idea.” – Marge Simpson “Yeah. If that mafia guy weren’t staring at us, I’d take off my towel.” – Homer Simpson “Oh don’t mind me, look, I do it first.” – Mafia Guy
Crazy Noises: Homer Scissorhands
“Homer, what are you doing?” – Marge Simpson “I wanted to surprise you with a kinky summer ’do. How many husbands would do that for their wives?” – Homer Simpson “None, they’d have more sense than that.” – Marge Simpson In our ongoing mission to bring you only the shallowest and laziest analysis of Zombie Simpsons, we’re keeping up our Crazy Noises series for Season 22. Since a podcast is so 2004, and video would require a flag, a fern and some folding chairs from the garage, we’ve elected to use the technology that brought the word “emoticon” to the…
The Michael Bay Ethos of Zombie Simpsons
“There were script problems from day one.” – Homer Simpson “It didn’t seem like anybody even read the script.” – Bart Simpson “That was the problem.” – Homer Simpson Two years ago, Michael Bay released Transformers 2, a movie that, even by his skewed standards, was vapid, nonsensical and incoherent. At 20% (which seems very generous), it is his lowest rating as a director on Rotten Tomatoes. It made an enormous amount of money, but was so widely pilloried as among the worst movies ever made that Bay himself publicly stated that the third one would be better. In other…
Quote of the Day
“So, Mr. Malloy, it seems that the cat has been caught by the very person that was trying to catch him.” – Homer Simpson “How ironic.” – Principal Skinner
Quote of the Day
“C’mon Jimmy, let’s take a peek at the killing floor. Don’t let the name throw you, Jimmy, it’s not really a floor. It’s more of a steel grating that allows material to sluice through so it can be collected and exported.” – Troy McClure
Compare & Contrast: Lisa’s Rivals
“What do you guys, like, do for fun?” – Alex Whitney “Well, you’ll definitely want to get yourself a good doll. The new Malibu Stacy has an achievable chest.” – Lisa Simpson Back in December, I pointed out that in the Katy Perry Incident, surely one of the low points of the entire decade plus debacle that is Zombie Simpsons, Perry herself was given nothing to do. She showed up, looked nice, and talked about her boyfriend. In total, she was given twenty-seven words of dialogue. A few episodes later, the same benign neglect fell upon Alyson Hannigan, who showed…
Quote of the Day
“Let’s hear it for our own Miss Springfield.” – Mayor Quimby “Gentlemen, start your whacking.” – Miss Springfield It’s May 10th, happy Whacking Day everybody!